Lied to my partner

[SeaCloud1988]

i received £50000 inheritance from a grandparent 5 years ago just after I met my now husband.

we were living in her house no issues and so I put the money in a bond for maximum interest. We then decided to buy a campervan but I didn’t have the money that they had readily available but didn’t want to let them down so I took from the bond and used that. I also did my teacher training which paid tuition fees etc.

he then decided we should move House and start a family and said that I had the £50000 so could use that as equity along with a large amount (more) from him. I panicked and told him that the money was tied up in a 3 year bond with no withdrawals, in a bid to buy some time. He said it was fine and would use more of his own for equity and I could just give it back. We agreed last year to keep the money in the bond for 12 months as it wasn’t needed. We got married, carried out renovations etc (primarily paid by me from the money out of guilt).

Now he wants it before next Friday as he’s going to see a financial advisor but I don’t have it and have lived a lie for 5 years. We have a 2 year old and I’m scared to lose everything.

how do I tell him?

Think of it this way. You are married. You are one financial unit. You have spent money from your inheritance, he has contributed money from his income/savings. You’re no better or worse off than you were before, as a unit. You put in money and he put in money. Fine, he thought the unit was £50K richer but he shouldn’t have just assumed you had the available money to spend on vehicles and home improvements. Unless he genuinely doesn’t know how much a campervan costs. Which seems unlikely.

no women aren’t automatically disadvantaged by way of being a woman. Very few women ar eon maternity leave with a two year old unless a second child or pregnancy on the way. The pay gap doesn’t mean they are poor.

Thats very naive.

Of course women are financially disadvantaged by maternity leave. Even if a woman has an incredible employer who pays her full wage throughout maternity leave, she will still have lost out on career advancement for that period of time, which impacts her lifetime earnings.

And the pay gap doesn’t mean women are “poor”, but by its very definition it means that women are financially disadvantaged compared to men.