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Original poster

Maintenance

34 replies

Nonoyourbuissnes · 30/05/2023 21:22

So I've been separated from my ex for 7 years and I've paid maintenance to her every week without fail but I have my daughter for in excess of 110 days a year which mean technically she's not entitled to a penny but I pay 40 a week in cash to her I also pay half her sky TV and broadband I also am paying off her £1100 plus debt for the water company yet she still acts like she has some god given right to the weekly cash payments looking for advice on how to tell her I give that 40 as I don't want my daughter going without not cause she's entitled to it. I wouldn't mind so much if she actually worked but she doesn't

OP posts:
BasicDad · 30/05/2023 22:24

110 days doesn't constitute not entitled to a penny. In most circumstances anyway.

Have you tried using the CMS calculator as a baseline? How old is your daughter?

One other advice..is i wouldn't pay for specific items, as you associate the money with those things like broadband, sky, debts etc. Just give her a fixed value and let her sort her payments out.

Why doesn't she work?

Quitelikeit · 30/05/2023 22:26

You have your child roughly ten days a month. That means she is eligible for maintenance

Good job you checked before you went and told her fake information

greenspaces4peace · 30/05/2023 22:37

its at 177/354 that payments balance out. Not 110/354.
What ever money you give is, for the comfort and safety of your daughter.
check the calculator, it’s based on your annual income.

InceyWinceySpidy · 30/05/2023 22:52

Sky and broadband..... £70 a month? So that's £35 you pay.

If you pay the £1100 off at £100 a month, that's paid off in under a year.

So because you pay this £135 a month, (soon to become just £35) you think that £160 maintenance a month is more than enough for the twenty+ days you don't have your child.

You're essentially paying £295 a month. Soon falling to £195 a month. For your child, for twenty+ days. Under a tenner a day. And you think you're incredibly generous and your ex is a money grabber.

Christing Christ.

peacelemon · 31/05/2023 06:53

Why do you pay her bills? Stop doing that.
Give her the money instead.

Go to CMS calculator work out how much you should pay and make sure you pay her at least that.

You give her £40 a week because your child is entitled to it.

Her income is shit all to do with you.

InceyWinceySpidy · 31/05/2023 09:44

Are the bills in your name, so you're counting them as hers now you've moved out? Is she reimbursing you for your sky contract? Or you're deducting it from the maintenance you would be paying?

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 31/05/2023 09:46

Why do you think she's not entitled to a penny when you have less than 50% care?

Gazelda · 31/05/2023 09:52

Can you reframe it in your mind - the payment isn't maintenance, it's child support.

And as others have suggested, it'd be far better to calculate your obligation using a CMS calculator and then giving your ex that amount, rather than covering specific bills. It would, of course, be generous and in your daughters best interest if you'd cover other costs such as school uniform, trips, extra curricular activities etc if you can afford to.

Jmaho · 31/05/2023 10:16

Depending on your income you might find she tells you to do one and goes via CMS and you'll be paying a lot more
You see your daughter roughly twice a week and you're moaning about paying £40 a week and a few extras.

Original poster
Nonoyourbuissnes · 31/05/2023 13:23

If it was based on my income she would be lucky to get £2.00 a week so thanks for your imput

OP posts:
MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 31/05/2023 13:28

Unless you have a 'nil' assessment, which implies you have no income at all, or are in prison, the minimum is £7 per week.

So how would she only get £2?

Bathintheshed · 31/05/2023 13:32

If you are unemployed why can't you have your daughter 50% of the time?

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2023 13:35

Why are you paying towards her bills when you resent it and imply you’re a low earner/unemployed/on benefits?

taxpayer1 · 31/05/2023 13:35

You have an income that means you only pay 2 pounds a week but you are able to pay all those expenses. Something doesn't feel right.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 31/05/2023 13:36

Nonoyourbuissnes · 31/05/2023 13:23

If it was based on my income she would be lucky to get £2.00 a week so thanks for your imput

Sounds like you need a better job.

Your child doesn't stop eating or needing clothes or a roof over their head, so given you have 2/3s of the month without childcare obligations it may be worth looking at extra hours or a 2nd job to boost your income.

peacelemon · 31/05/2023 13:43

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2023 13:35

Why are you paying towards her bills when you resent it and imply you’re a low earner/unemployed/on benefits?

Yeah what's going on OP?

jackstini · 31/05/2023 13:47

Put everything in the CMS calculator
Go through that official route
Stop paying the bills and pay the right amount of cash

And remember this is not for her, it is for your child

Wishitsnows · 31/05/2023 13:49

£40 a week and a couple of bills, well you don’t sound like a very successful dad. Bit sad you think that’s all it costs to bring up a child.

Nonoyourbuissnes · 31/05/2023 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MadeForThis · 31/05/2023 15:00

Nice people want their kids to be housed and fed.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/05/2023 15:39

Wishitsnows · 31/05/2023 13:49

£40 a week and a couple of bills, well you don’t sound like a very successful dad. Bit sad you think that’s all it costs to bring up a child.

How successful does mum sound?

Original poster
Nonoyourbuissnes · 31/05/2023 16:47

Cause I go without that's how. So not one of you has actually read my post properly as I haven't said I want to stop paying just want my ex to understand she's not entitled

OP posts:
Bathintheshed · 31/05/2023 16:50

So how and who do you think should be responsible for your child?

TeaKitten · 31/05/2023 16:53

Nonoyourbuissnes · 31/05/2023 16:47

Cause I go without that's how. So not one of you has actually read my post properly as I haven't said I want to stop paying just want my ex to understand she's not entitled

What do you actually want from this post? I can’t see what you want advice on it looks like you just want to argue with women. You’ve posted on mumsnet slagging your ex off saying you don’t owe her maintenance because you have your child 110 days a year which isn’t even correct. So other than a row, what do you want from this thread?

TeaKitten · 31/05/2023 16:54

Nonoyourbuissnes · 31/05/2023 13:23

If it was based on my income she would be lucky to get £2.00 a week so thanks for your imput

Also this would mean you don’t work either, so why criticise her for not working?

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