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Original poster

32k debt

38 replies

Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 07/05/2023 23:13

Hello

my friend and her partner are in a bit of a mess financially. There are many issues but she won’t leave the relationship, she hasn’t worked in years and isn’t planning on getting a job despite that being an obvious solution. No kids. They aren’t eligible for benefits as he earns a decent wage.

The debts are from a few sources but seem to be spiralling. I know as they asked me to lend money, I said no as I am not enabling the situation but do want to help them. A couple of credit cards, pay day loans, bounce back loans, consolidation loans, car payments, overdrafts.

they’re mainly his debts but unfortunately some are in her name. she’s slightly delusional about them buying a property soon which with the debts plus the defaults I just can’t see.

Most advice seems to be to pay the minimum payments on everything and focus on the highest interest debt at a time. They live completely beyond their means (go on holiday in a few weeks) but she has made efforts to reign it in a bit.

Any advice appreciated, from what I can tell he has taken a new credit card or loan out every 2 months or so.

OP posts:
yetimum1 · 07/05/2023 23:17

Which country are you?

trust deed Scotland are fab if you are in Scotland!

if not I’m sure they would get help from another debt management organisation down south. Lots of options available to help with debt but a mortgage will most definitely be off the cards for them for many years to come unfortunately…

deepcleandeepsleep · 07/05/2023 23:17

Why isn’t she working?

They would need to work out exactly what is owed, where, and what the debt costs. They also need to look at what money is coming in, and going out, and adjust their lifestyle to live within their means.

They won’t be buying a property any time soon in this state.

They both need to be seriously committed to solving the issue. If they’re not, there’s not really anything you can do to help.

Original poster
Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 07/05/2023 23:22

yetimum1 · 07/05/2023 23:17

Which country are you?

trust deed Scotland are fab if you are in Scotland!

if not I’m sure they would get help from another debt management organisation down south. Lots of options available to help with debt but a mortgage will most definitely be off the cards for them for many years to come unfortunately…

Scotland so that’s helpful thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 07/05/2023 23:26

deepcleandeepsleep · 07/05/2023 23:17

Why isn’t she working?

They would need to work out exactly what is owed, where, and what the debt costs. They also need to look at what money is coming in, and going out, and adjust their lifestyle to live within their means.

They won’t be buying a property any time soon in this state.

They both need to be seriously committed to solving the issue. If they’re not, there’s not really anything you can do to help.

There’s been a few excuses over the years but there’s not a real reason. He was happy to support her but that was before I realised the extent of the debts which are long standing.

she struggled to hold a job and doesn’t like most sectors. Unfortunately it’s not something I can argue with her on again as she hasn’t changed yet.

I don’t think either are committed enough to it as they don’t think they’re at risk (due to renting at the moment) but if they’re asking round for money they’re clearly heading in that direction. He was definitely committed for a while but then took out a loan to cover other loans so I’m not sure.

OP posts:
yetimum1 · 07/05/2023 23:27

Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 07/05/2023 23:22

Scotland so that’s helpful thanks x

Show quote history

I 100% recommend trust deed scotland then! They consolidate all debts, look at earnings vs outgoings and work out what you can realistically pay back over 4 years and wipe the rest. They also deal with all creditors so they no longer contact you.

my DP had over half of his debt wiped and is over half way through clearing all his debt with them.

they are fab!

hope they manage to sort it. Debt is a terrible thing to manage and so easy to rack up and ignore ☹️

Original poster
Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 07/05/2023 23:34

yetimum1 · 07/05/2023 23:27

I 100% recommend trust deed scotland then! They consolidate all debts, look at earnings vs outgoings and work out what you can realistically pay back over 4 years and wipe the rest. They also deal with all creditors so they no longer contact you.

my DP had over half of his debt wiped and is over half way through clearing all his debt with them.

they are fab!

hope they manage to sort it. Debt is a terrible thing to manage and so easy to rack up and ignore ☹️

Show quote history

Thanks I will mention this to them x

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 07/05/2023 23:36

you cant help them if she wont work, its up to her

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 07/05/2023 23:37

Well she sounds like a lazy sponger. Why are you even friends with someone like that?

Original poster
Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 07/05/2023 23:41

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 07/05/2023 23:37

Well she sounds like a lazy sponger. Why are you even friends with someone like that?

She’s my partners friend and friend is pushing it. I was trying to not be too outting but never mind.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 07/05/2023 23:48

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 07/05/2023 23:37

Well she sounds like a lazy sponger. Why are you even friends with someone like that?

Exactly and how can people like this just get debts written off eventually whilst doing nothing much to address the situation or even consider getting a job. I do understand that sometimes people get into debt for reasons beyond their control and have no problem with them getting them written off but people who just don't want to even consider getting a job and carry on going on holidays, well who ultimately pays for their stupidity ? I wouldn't be able to sleep at night with debt like that let alone be planning my next holiday ffs.

greenspaces4peace · 07/05/2023 23:55

depending on your age and income this isn't much debt.
although the higher interest loan payment being mentioned as a priority the snowball method is often more fulfilling.
so snowball is paying the smallest loan off first and minimum on other loans then using that money to pay off quickly the next lowest loan so on and so forth.
the snowballing method gives you satisfaction a little bit quicker than highest interest rate first option and can keep you motivated month after month to pay stuff off.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/05/2023 05:07

Well done for realising that 'lending' them money isn't the solution they need, even if they think it is.

They've probably been refused credit, so need to borrow elsewhere to keep their use of debt to prop up their lifestyle going. Do not give in, even if they try the emotional blackmail of not being able to buy food or pay essential bills. They've spent all their money on lifestyle, so now want to spend yours.

They need professional advice and an appropriate formal solution. Then they'll effectively be banned from more credit for a few years so hopefully they'll use this time to learn to live within their means and if they want more 'live' they need to increase their means.

Newmumma83 · 08/05/2023 05:23

They are not going to get a high street mortgage with the lower rates with arrears , and their debt will eat into the affordability.
e.g if his income is 70000 a year he will be able to roughly borrow £280000, but she will count as a financial dependant and the debt would count as funds already committed so the borrowing could drop to £157000 over a 35 year term monthly Repayments approx £1500
per month .

that’s based on a high street lender which if behind they won’t get and that’s based on all debt being credit cards .

get them to loom a their credit scores … and realistically what deposit do they have ?

Newmumma83 · 08/05/2023 05:27

The £1500 Is based on the £280000 with the other debts this is why it’s not affordable …

also To put into perspective if she had a job that paid £5000 per year they could borrow £197000 …

she needs to get to work to make her dreams happen even if it’s 1 day a week

Bananalanacake · 08/05/2023 05:36

I have no sympathy for someone who refuses to work when they are able to.

ZoraMipha · 08/05/2023 05:39

So your friends:

  • Have huge debt
  • Won't work but ask you to lend them money
  • Are going on holidays despite this
  • Aren't doing anything to help themselves

And you want to know how to help them?

I mean no offence but I think that might be a bit of a losing game.

Dashel · 08/05/2023 06:29

ZoraMipha · 08/05/2023 05:39

So your friends:

  • Have huge debt
  • Won't work but ask you to lend them money
  • Are going on holidays despite this
  • Aren't doing anything to help themselves

And you want to know how to help them?

I mean no offence but I think that might be a bit of a losing game.

This is spot on.

The only people who can help them is themselves.

Do not lend them money and make sure your partner is in agreement.

I would point them towards the debt charity mentioned and send them a link to the debt free wannabe board on Money Saving Expert. Then I would take a huge step back and tell them this isn’t your specialist subject and get the advice of experts. If you give them advice and even if it’s the right advice but it goes wrong, you don’t want to get blamed for it and guilted into a loan.

Not many people want to work but the vast majority of us do as we have bills to pay. If they were that desperate she would get a job, it would be a really easy way of raising extra money.

youveturnedupwelldone · 08/05/2023 07:04

Step one to help them: stop trying to help people who don't want to help themselves.

Send them to the money saving expert debt forums if they want advice.

Also that trust deed scotland will cost them a lot in fees (blatantly being stealth advertised here too...) there are free debt management solutions and advice available. Steer clear of anything else.

isthewashingdryyet · 08/05/2023 07:26

Missing the point a little, but how will support herself in her old age, if she has zero NI credits ?

if they are not married she has no call on his pension, and she is walking into a very very poor old age. That would be my focus on discussions with her

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 08/05/2023 07:35

Agree with isthewashingdryyet.

You can't help, they don't want help.

You need to have a chat with her about what a vulnerable position she is in. I speak to Women every day who have left or been left by a DP and have no job, nowhere decent to live and are being hounded for the debts.

And only pass on details of organisations that will help with debt and have no fees like Stepchange, Christians Against Poverty or CAB.

Darkandstormynite · 08/05/2023 08:47

How is the relationship? sounds very precarious if they're not married, renting and in debt.

If he's your friend rather than her, is he thinking of leaving?

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 08/05/2023 08:50

Oh and you know this already but you really did do the right thing in not giving them money, it would have been just that, a gift as there would be no way you would ever get it back.

Paq · 08/05/2023 08:55

Definitely don't give her any money. Apart from advising her to not let him put any more debt in her name I would stay the hell out of it. Sounds like it's going to unravel pretty soon.

RocketIceLollie · 08/05/2023 08:59

It goes without saying getting a mortgage is nigh on impossible with 32k debt. Sounds like they are in denial if they genuinely still hold hope for securing a mortgage with that level of debt.

Singleandproud · 08/05/2023 09:06

For a good visual representation they should both download the free debt repayment app (Blue background, white bird).

The put in the full amount of each debt and its interest rate and then input any payments made. It will then show how long to pay each one off.

Being very visual might be helpful to them instead of being out of sight out of mind and give them more accountability.