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Original poster

32k debt

38 replies

Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 07/05/2023 23:13

Hello

my friend and her partner are in a bit of a mess financially. There are many issues but she won’t leave the relationship, she hasn’t worked in years and isn’t planning on getting a job despite that being an obvious solution. No kids. They aren’t eligible for benefits as he earns a decent wage.

The debts are from a few sources but seem to be spiralling. I know as they asked me to lend money, I said no as I am not enabling the situation but do want to help them. A couple of credit cards, pay day loans, bounce back loans, consolidation loans, car payments, overdrafts.

they’re mainly his debts but unfortunately some are in her name. she’s slightly delusional about them buying a property soon which with the debts plus the defaults I just can’t see.

Most advice seems to be to pay the minimum payments on everything and focus on the highest interest debt at a time. They live completely beyond their means (go on holiday in a few weeks) but she has made efforts to reign it in a bit.

Any advice appreciated, from what I can tell he has taken a new credit card or loan out every 2 months or so.

OP posts:

LIZS · 08/05/2023 09:07

Reining in "a bit" will not make much impact. Step-change or similar can advise how to tackle it, freeze interest (minimum payments rarely touch the balance just keep it going) and negotiate sensible payments. Budgeting is essential, cutting out unnecessary habitual spending and reprioritising expenses. The credit cards etc need to go.

mamnotmum · 08/05/2023 09:12

Honestly - I'd stay out of it.

If she asks for advice then suggest a job. But then just say that's all you can offer as a solution.

caringcarer · 08/05/2023 09:15

You can only help those who want to be part of the solution. This woman won't get a job and despite £32k debt is going on holiday. Unbelievable, just wow. Don't lend them a penny. They are bringing it all on themselves.

BananaBlue · 08/05/2023 10:00

ZoraMipha · 08/05/2023 05:39

So your friends:

Have huge debt
Won't work but ask you to lend them money
Are going on holidays despite this
Aren't doing anything to help themselves

And you want to know how to help them?

I mean no offence but I think that might be a bit of a losing game.

This.

There’s nothing to see here really, you cannot moan about debt while increasing it on unnecessary things.

They aren’t ready for a solution or help - your advice could backfire on you.

I’d do a smile and nod tbh. Show interest as in ‘where are you thinking of moving to, have you been looking’ etc and ignore the elephant.

ElmTree22 · 08/05/2023 10:07

Afraid to say your friends are beyond help.

ElmTree22 · 08/05/2023 10:09

isthewashingdryyet · 08/05/2023 07:26

Missing the point a little, but how will support herself in her old age, if she has zero NI credits ?

if they are not married she has no call on his pension, and she is walking into a very very poor old age. That would be my focus on discussions with her

Don't you think someone like her wouldn't really have the foresight to worry about old age. She sounds very for the moment. They both do!

yetimum1 · 08/05/2023 10:28

I don’t work for TDS but have used them and also had no feed to pay with them? But thanks for the dig..

I was trying to help someone who struggled with money management. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone..

Bearpawk · 08/05/2023 11:10

She needs to get a grip - what exactly goes she think will happen if he dumps her ?

I couldn't be friends with lazy pathetic people like that, harsh as it sounds.

alwaysmovingforwards · 08/05/2023 12:43

She sounds thick as shit.

Bananalanacake · 08/05/2023 13:19

And if the roles were reversed, so if it was a woman working and her live in BF refusing to work even though they are in 32 grand debt she would be firmly advised to get rid of the cocklodger.

tracylamont13 · 08/05/2023 13:21

I'd look into Dave Ramsey and how methods. We've paid off £33k in 11 months by following his plan. They need to be willing to work hard and sacrifice but his baby steps work.

Bearpawk · 08/05/2023 18:50

tracylamont13 · 08/05/2023 13:21

I'd look into Dave Ramsey and how methods. We've paid off £33k in 11 months by following his plan. They need to be willing to work hard and sacrifice but his baby steps work.

She won't even consider getting a job so doubt it

Scienceadvisory · 08/05/2023 19:26

I don't know why you think it is unfortunate some of the debt is in her name. She has helped rack it up it's only right she has the legal responsibility for some of it. More so given she's essentially the female version of a cocklodger. Really you should feel for the bloke, being exploited by his lazy ass girlfriend, and advising him to get rid. He would be able to pay off the debt much quicker without her as a millstone around his neck

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