disagreeing with dh - he can't see his privilege

[kellyjelly1]

So me and dh had a big disagreement last night over money. He constantly whinges about how hard we work and how we should have more spare cash etc etc

At the moment, after all bills, food and livings costs we are left with £1200 per month that we can either save or spend on non-essential items. I feel very fortunate to be in this position, whereas he thinks that it's a poor amount for how hard we work

I am getting annoyed that he can't see his privilege AIBU

We also have to budget for big household purchases etc and can’t afford to redecorate. I know it’s a privilege to be able to do these things

I wouldn't say that being able to afford big household purchases and redecorate is a privilege. To me that's just a reasonable standard of living.

Likewise with foreign holidays. Okay, perhaps not a 7* hotel in Dubai four times a year, but it's really not entitled or privileged to expect that you ought be able to take a holiday abroad once a year.

We've lost sight of what a decent standard of living is through death by a thousand cuts. And now you see people in a race to the bottom, taking cold comfort from the fact that they can scrape by on fuck all. 'Just stop buying coffees/having takeaways/give up Sky TV/. They shouldn't have to! Why can't everyone have nice things? Personally, I want everyone to be able to have nice things.

It's like when that Bank of England guy said everyone should just get used to being poor and stop aiming higher. FUCK OFF. Is that really the best we can do as a country? What a miserably low bar.

I'm not saying people should expect to be given the moon on a stick for doing nothing in return. But people who work hard are entitled to expect fair remuneration for their labour - not the bare minimum because that's what other people have to make do with.

@PelvicFlora yes that’s all so true! It’s like there is a culture of a race to the bottom in terms of spending on luxuries. I don’t want to come across as more of a sob story than we are - we can afford to redecorate when it’s needed and can stretch to one holiday abroad, or in the UK per year, we do have nice days out etc. I suppose what i was trying to say is if we are actually in the top 10% of earners we should be able to afford multiple holidays per year and to redecorate when we feel like it iyswim. It’s so true that we’ve been programmed to live in just the bare essentials!

I go twice on holidays and I only earn 1200 pounds per month. I don't buy clothes, don't do take aways and my holidays is me with my children visiting my dad and step mum in Poland.

That's the WEF plan... you'll own nothing and be happy. Everyone, apart from the elite, living lesser lives than before the reset. It's like death by a thousand cuts through taxes, inflation, net zero, controls in the name of climate change. Even driving a car is becoming increasingly burdensome and expensive.

@PelvicFlora That's exactly what I thought when that BOE guy said we should all just accept and get used to being poorer.

@MontyDonsBlueScarf what you wrote!
My parents and IL’s were hopeless with money, and for a long time, me and DH would spend without saving or budgeting.
We became more savvy in the last 15 years, but regret not saving and properly budgeting more.
OP, it’s important to find out what your DH’s aspirations are, and then work with him to achieve these - also set some for yourself. He might think that you’re not on his side if you call it a privilege, rather than trying different things to free up more to use to reach your joint aspirations. If this means that he lowers his expectations a bit while you raise yours a bit, then you’ll at least have a compromise that you’re helping him with!