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Original poster

Worrying myself sick - please help

42 replies

RachTT · 27/04/2023 10:29

Name change for this one...

I am worrying myself sick about the cost of everything and the impact on our household budget. I worry about money constantly.

I have sat and listed everything that we pay out of our accounts by direct debit, every last penny. I have also worked out how much we pay in cash for things like kids clubs etc.

Every month we HAVE to pay out £3297 to cover all of our unavoidable bills and costs. Food generally costs between 100-120 per week so I have gone with the higher figure of £480 per month. We also spend about £100 per month in diesel. This makes our basic outgoings £3877 per month

We both work full time and we take home £4807 between us.

This means that we are left with about £930 that isn't allocated to any particular pot. This is money that I like to save etc. We would also have to use this money for holidays etc, or for any emergencies such as the washing machine breaking down etc.

Am I overthinking this? I think that I look on here and people have thousands a month spare, compared to our £930. I literally feel sick every time I think about money

OP posts:
AgnesX · 27/04/2023 10:32

You're overthinking it and over reacting it. You have enough spare for a float so you're not in the red every month.

Take a deep breath and calm down.

Tromso · 27/04/2023 10:44

The people who claim to have thousands spare a month are either lying or unkind and completely lacking in awareness. There's some weird competition amongst quite a few people on this site. Don't compare yourself to them - after all, comparison is the thief of joy.

£930 is a decent sum to have leftover after all your outgoings. However, is there anything you can do to bring any of the outgoings down? Any debts that you're paying that could be shifted to a 0% card, for example? Or shop around for a better broadband/TV package, mobile bill, etc?

MLMsuperfan · 27/04/2023 11:13

What was the atomsphere around money in your home growing up?

Original poster
RachTT · 27/04/2023 11:22

MLMsuperfan · 27/04/2023 11:13

What was the atomsphere around money in your home growing up?

There was very little spare money growing up

OP posts:
Paq · 27/04/2023 11:25

Calm down, you can cover your essentials. Just keep control of your discretionary spending and try to build up a cash buffer for unexpected expenses.

Hopedun · 27/04/2023 11:25

I do consider that to be very high monthly outgoings but i take it you have either high rent or mortgage, and/or childcare costs?

Batalax · 27/04/2023 11:31

Yes you are over thinking. You have a good surplus and there is room to cut down if you have to. My shop is similar to yours and I don’t want to cut that budget but I COULD if I needed to. Ditto holidays etc. I want them but if necessary I could go without.

You have plenty to cover your basics which is more than many people. Be annoyed that your standard of living will be decreased but don’t actually waste time worrying about it. You can eat and heat a roof over your head and that’s not going to change soon.

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 27/04/2023 11:59

You're fine. You definitely don't need to panic, but you will have to make good judgments on how to use your 'left over' £900. If the kids' clubs and activities are covered in your bills pot then I'd aim to save £400 of the £900 every month for an emergency pot for new appliances, house repairs, new car etc.

This is reasonable position to be in. The only thing I'd be checking, given that it sounds as though you must have a sizeable mortgage/rent bill is how you will weather coming off a fixed rate to a new costlier monthly payment.

I'm in a very different position to you where I'm left with around £50 a month after all bills/food are paid for. It's uncomfortable and a bit unnerving so I'm trying to earn more so that I can put a bit in a savings pot but I just want to show that you're not in dire straits.

I always take comfort that I could downsize my house or relocate to a cheaper area if things went absolutely tits up.

RuthW · 27/04/2023 12:03

You have loads spare and a lot more than most

Original poster
RachTT · 27/04/2023 13:49

RuthW · 27/04/2023 12:03

You have loads spare and a lot more than most

I know that a lot of this is anxiety

OP posts:
NewNovember · 27/04/2023 13:53

  1. you do not need to spend £3877 a month 1/3 to half of that is a choice with your housing.

  2. circa £1000 disposable income is not a low amount.

MummyDummyNow · 27/04/2023 13:58

After all bills going out having that amount left is a lot. Seriously this is a huge amount compared to some people.

MummyDummyNow · 27/04/2023 14:00

I'm anxious about money and reading your post has actually made me MORE anxious! That's so much spare after bills.

MintJulia · 27/04/2023 14:01

AgnesX · 27/04/2023 10:32

You're overthinking it and over reacting it. You have enough spare for a float so you're not in the red every month.

Take a deep breath and calm down.

This.

You are in a much better position than most. And you have savings. Take comfort in that.

I'm a single mum with about £2k less per month. I pay mortgage, bills, food, keep DS & car, and pay a chunk of school fees out of that.

The only way I can deal with all the current gloom is a day at a time. I try to get through each day without spending anything that isn't absolutely essential. It's worked so far and I still have a (small) amount of savings. It's the financial equivalent of not looking down. 😎

Original poster
RachTT · 27/04/2023 14:02

NewNovember · 27/04/2023 13:53

  1. you do not need to spend £3877 a month 1/3 to half of that is a choice with your housing.

  2. circa £1000 disposable income is not a low amount.

Some of it is childcare too, plus I have included all debt payments in that category - we have some historical debt that we are paying off

OP posts:
Caloriecount24042023 · 27/04/2023 14:03

How much have you actually got in savings or an emergency fund?

Whochangedmynamec · 27/04/2023 14:05

Never compare yourself to others. People might “seem” to be a lot of things. They might have an inheritance. They might be in massive debt. They might be working 70 hour weeks. They might be lying. You don’t know.
You are doing much better than many. You are saving, you are keeping an eye on your money.

I would wonder if you have low level anxiety though. It’s a real thing and if it wasn’t money it might be something else.

OneFrenchEgg · 27/04/2023 14:05

Op DW so much, just don't make it worse if you can help it. We have to pay £3800 each month. It's madness, mortgage is £1500 for a box in the South. Food, fuel (360 a month dual fuel) insurances etc

OneFrenchEgg · 27/04/2023 14:07

I have about £700 for discretionary spending - clothes, hair, petrol, saving short term etc

Original poster
RachTT · 27/04/2023 14:08

Whochangedmynamec · 27/04/2023 14:05

Never compare yourself to others. People might “seem” to be a lot of things. They might have an inheritance. They might be in massive debt. They might be working 70 hour weeks. They might be lying. You don’t know.
You are doing much better than many. You are saving, you are keeping an eye on your money.

I would wonder if you have low level anxiety though. It’s a real thing and if it wasn’t money it might be something else.

I definitely do struggle with that

OP posts:
Wellhellother · 27/04/2023 14:15

That is very high outgoings compared to your take home pay. Can you cut down any costs (do you have to have such a high mortgage, such a nice car etc). Our pay is a bit higher than yours but our essentials are significantly less and I also wouldn't want to have essentials at such a high proportion of total income.
(Yes I am sure people will be along to tell me that people on minimum wage spend all their income on essentials but that isn't the point here)

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 27/04/2023 14:16

First of all, you are fine.

Second, pay off your debt as fast as you can. This will create headroom and peace of mind. With £930 a month spare, you should be able to afford to do this. Make it a game. Look for savings in your current budget and pay off the debt. E.g. if you are paying more than £5 a month for your mobile phone it’s too much.

Third, with your debt payments gone, you will have more than £930 a month spare and can quickly build up 3-6 months emergency fund to cover living costs if anything happens in future. This will help you sleep at night long term.

Original poster
RachTT · 27/04/2023 14:18

Wellhellother · 27/04/2023 14:15

That is very high outgoings compared to your take home pay. Can you cut down any costs (do you have to have such a high mortgage, such a nice car etc). Our pay is a bit higher than yours but our essentials are significantly less and I also wouldn't want to have essentials at such a high proportion of total income.
(Yes I am sure people will be along to tell me that people on minimum wage spend all their income on essentials but that isn't the point here)

Oh dear, now I am worried - does it look really bad?

OP posts:
Caloriecount24042023 · 27/04/2023 14:22

Don’t panic it’s not that bad you just need an emergency fund to give you peace of mind. If you don’t have any savings I would build up at least 10k and then tackle the debt more aggressively. There is an article I the papers today about disposable income after all outgoings and on paper you are doing well compared to the UK average. Just please get some savings built up in an emergency fund if you don’t have one already.

Quitelikeit · 27/04/2023 14:23

How much is your mortgage and how much is your debt?

how much goes on childcare?