Worrying myself sick - please help

[RachTT]

Name change for this one...

I am worrying myself sick about the cost of everything and the impact on our household budget. I worry about money constantly.

I have sat and listed everything that we pay out of our accounts by direct debit, every last penny. I have also worked out how much we pay in cash for things like kids clubs etc.

Every month we HAVE to pay out £3297 to cover all of our unavoidable bills and costs. Food generally costs between 100-120 per week so I have gone with the higher figure of £480 per month. We also spend about £100 per month in diesel. This makes our basic outgoings £3877 per month

We both work full time and we take home £4807 between us.

This means that we are left with about £930 that isn't allocated to any particular pot. This is money that I like to save etc. We would also have to use this money for holidays etc, or for any emergencies such as the washing machine breaking down etc.

Am I overthinking this? I think that I look on here and people have thousands a month spare, compared to our £930. I literally feel sick every time I think about money

Definitely overthinking it. I have zero emergency funds and none left over at the end of every month. I would be using some of that surplus to get rid of your debt. Comparison is the thief of joy, don’t worry about others.

https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/bills/article-12015917/Household-spare-cash-falling-UK.html?ico=mol_mobile_money-newtab&molReferrerUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailymail.co.uk%2Fmoney%2Findex.html&_ga=2.45227812.1491153980.1682601823-55107467.1682601823&_gl=11h1f9ru_gaNTUxMDc0NjcuMTY4MjYwMTgyMw.._ga_XE0XLFFF16*MTY4MjYwMTgyMi4xLjEuMTY4MjYwMTg1NS4wLjAuMA..

That is a lit each month spare! Many people have nothing. I'd say you are in a very comfortable position

Your outgoings are ludicrous, but thankfully you do still have a decent cushion.

Please don’t compare to others - it might be all rubbish or they might have lots of debt! Your ‘leftover’ money seems good to me. I’d prioritise paying debit starting with the highest interest and make sure you have savings for emergencies

You have £900 which you can save a month, which is over £10k a year!

I think you are more than fine! As long as you have enough for bills and spends don't compare yourself to anyone else! Lots of people can only dream to have enough to cover their bills each month!

And that doesn’t seem very high. Our total monthly ‘must pays’ are about £2600 and we don’t have kids

How much are your debt repayments? I’d be throwing a chunk of that £930 a month at that to get rid of it.

Mortgage is £1246. I am not sure of debt minimums as we overpay. We have committed to paying £500 per month to clear it quicker and this is already factored into the £3297. Dh manages the debt as I struggle to cope with it. It's only ever reducing though.

I agree. DH and I earn a decent amount but we don't have enough to save and by payday have nothing left 😭 I worry continuously. Swear it's taking years off my life.

Some people literally live to the £ each month (I work in debt consolidation and often do budgets 5x a day with people to set up repayment plans).

You’re paying off debts and still have nearly £1000 to spare each month, I honestly don’t know how you could think this isn’t a lot.

Seriously OP? DH and I went through our current income and outgoings earlier today and realised our essential outgoings (mortgage, car, childcare, bills) cost about £80 a month more than our income. We were just about getting by, spending very frugally only on essentials - we cut our own hair, we buy own brand groceries, our phones are >5 years old on sim only contracts, we buy second hand clothes for ourselves and our children - but the increases in bills have tipped us over into a deficit. I'd give my right arm to have £900 (£900!!!!) left over every single month.
DH works (more than) full-time; I work part-time because we can't afford the childcare for me to work full-time. We've looked through all the benefits we're entitled to (answer: none). It's shit.

Don’t multiply by 4 to get a monthly figure - you’ll be undercounting. It’s x52 /12.

so £120 a week is £520 per month.

The MoneySavingExpert budget planner is very good and includes a lot of categories that get forgotten about (stuff like haircuts, new clothes, birthdays, Christmases, home and car maintenance, etc.). It's not necessarily part of monthly spending but the money has to come from somewhere so needs to be budgeted for!

Seems fine to me, OP. Your outgoings are not ludicrous. Don’t know why people are saying that. I imagine your budget is something like this:
mortgage £1500
council tax £200
gas/electric £200
water £40
TV/internet/phones £60
shopping £600
petrol £300
insurances £100
That’s £3000 already. Use the remaining £800 or so to clear your debts and you’ll soon be in the black again. Don’t panic!

Second this, it also signposts to ways to cut costs on just about everything, eg reduce the interest you pay on your debts, review the cost of broadband and any pay TV, that sort of thing.

Also agree with no comparing with others but it's hard to say whether or not you're in a good position as there's no detail about what you need to pay out of the leftover £930. It seems like a huge amount but it will reduce quickly if it doesn't include car running costs, home insurance, Christmas, white goods replacement etc.

But you do seem to be in a fairly good position that will also improve dramatically once you are out of debt.

But I do encourage you to take more of an interest as the 'getting out of debt process' can be really helpful in changing your spending habits and learning the importance of building up savings for essential costs that will crop up so you'll be able to cover these without further borrowing.

So let’s focus on the real problem.

You now know that logically you are financially comfortable but we all know that anxiety isn’t logical! You focussed immediately on the one poster who was a bit negative and that stood way out to you despite everyone else saying the opposite.

So how to deal with the anxiety? Have you tried all the self Hep book? Counselling? Maybe a visit to the doctor to see if antidepressants are worth it. Try them. You’d take medicine for a physical illness.

Anxiety grabs hold of a problem and escalates it into a huge problem. If it wasn’t about the money, it would be hanging on to another issue. Deal with the anxiety.