Simplest fairest way to manage married finances

[BlueRaspberry7]

What's the simplest and fairest way to manage finances as a couple with 2 kids and a mortgage?

DH and I are on the same salary but I only work 4 days a week (from home) while he is F/T.

We're currently don't have an official system or a joint account and divvy things up as we go along, but want to get organised and proactive.

Simple systems and ideas would be much appreciated.

Both wages paid into joint account.

Bills money is transferred into second joint account to keep that money separate

We both then use what's left throughout the month.

Everything goes into the joint account and everything is paid from there. We don’t have separate amounts that are ours to spend, we just spend what we want (although would mention anything really big).

Presents- buy on a CC then pay off from the joint account. Obviously that means that it’s not a financial gift but as everything is joint anyway, what would be the point of a financial gift?

We've always shared a bank account and neither of us are particularly interested in 'surprises' so it's not an issue regarding presents ... although my DH went through a phase of buying me very extravagant bouquets until I (tactfully) asked him not to .

Joint account for all household and children’s stuff, and for things we consider essential (commuting costs, phones, etc). Both wages paid in here and we just spend what we want from it - helps that we have very similar views on money so we don’t argue over spending.

Individual accounts for personal spending - clothes, gifts, separate socialising. We used to keep 10% of our own earnings for this but during mat leave agreed a fixed amount was fairer so we now have the same amount each per month.

Definitely the joint account for all the reasons mentioned.

If you do decide to keep finances separate and pay certain bills each make sure you are the one that pays the rent/mortgage. Then if you split up, you have a payment history that banks and landlords want to see to make it easier to get a new rental/ mortgage. Also the person who pays for food, bits and pieces for the house, electric etc often ends up doing all the life admin that goes along with that. So the grocery shopping, buying gifts, organising tradies to do jobs etc. That’s another reason why I firmly believe in a joint account. Then it is easier to share the jobs that involve spending money and you both have a rental/ mortgage history if you split.

It also means you don’t have to continually check that you are both paying the correct amount proportional to your income when there are increases in food prices, interest rates etc.

And it ensures you both get equal spends. It’s very easy for resentment to grow and kill a marriage if one partner has a huge amount of play money and the other very little.

We have two joint accounts. One salary goes into one account and all DDs come out of that, with the leftovers being rolled into savings.

The other salary goes into the second joint account and this is our day to day spends (food, fuel etc) we just spend what we like. Neither of us have expensive shopping habits.

Shared pot...easy. Whats the point of being married if you keep finances separate, you share everything.

3 accounts.
one for his wage to be paid into.
one for my wage to be paid into
one joint for bills/mortgage/food etc fed into by a monthly direct debit from each of our individual accounts.
Easy.

Agree with this totally.
I don't see the need for having your own account, isn't it just a pain always deciding how much each person keeps for themselves? Transfers etc.

DH and I have 1 current and 1 joint account, it's works for us because we are more efficient that way and we're more than happy to talk to each other about what we're buying etc without feeling like we have to run it past each other (obviously £100+ we probably would say).

If I had my own account with say £500 a month in for myself, I know I'd be more tempted to spend it.

One savings account that should say!

@iliketobooogie whilst we pool our money into a joint account, as grown, independent adults we have our own accounts also, even my kids have their own accounts! And no in 2023 and with the world of internet banking it really isn't a pain transferring money, it literally takes seconds.

If I had my own account with say £500 a month in for myself, I know I'd be more tempted to spend it.

And? I work hard for my money, I'm allowed to spend some on me and the same for my husband!

We are the same HOWEVER I think having a joint account only works if you both have the same attitude to money. If one is a 'spender' and the other a 'saver' it can cause issues. I never understand married couples having separate accounts as it is invariably the woman who buys stuff like kids clothes etc and that would have to come out of 'her' money as that is all she has access to. Then it would be 'I spent £3.50 on kids today can you transfer £1.75 over?' What a palaver!

We're too old for surprises, but if we had to we'd either take out cash or hang on to the receipt until after the event. (We don't check account on line)

This.

We’ve done it like this since first leaving university when neither of us had any money. Since then we’ve gone through periods of earning the same, me on May leave, me part time, him having been made redundant etc

We have the same amount going into our personal spending and personal savings each month and all the rest goes into joint accounts. We have a separate joint account for rent/ bills and one for groceries/ day to day spending. Partner earns more than me atm as I am part time to look after children so he puts more money into the joint spending. Before children I earned more so I put more money into the joint.

We just have one joint account and everything goes in there and comes out of there
As one poster earlier said this only really works if you have a similar attitude to money
Neither of us are huge spenders on "stuff" we are currently doing the house bit by bit so spending quite a lot there. The rest goes mainly on the kids. Our food bill is huge and they always need something. We've been together over 25 years so the days of random gifts are long gone and birthdays are usually a case of this is what I want you order it.
I am the only one out of my siblings that does it like this though. They have completely separate accounts and I know its a stereotype but the woman earns much less than the man in these cases due to going part time and doing main bulk of the childcare. This means that the man pays for more but also has a huge amount of disposable income while the woman pays for less but is absolutely skint.
I earn considerably less than my husband but this is more choice. I work part time currently as we have four children and it just works better for one of us to be part time.
At the same time my husband has a well paid job but doesn't do a fat lot and has very little stress. My job is very full on. He's never made me feel bad about not putting as much in the pot

All income goes into a joint account which bills & family expenditure get paid from. A set amount per month is transferred to our individual accounts & anything left goes into a joint savings account. This has worked for us for over 20 years, including times I was on maternity/earning less due to part time working for childcare reasons.

Several accounts but one pot. Who cares who earns what. Currently be both earn a similar amount but during our life at different times we’ve both been the higher and lower earners.

weve always have had a family pot. but have several accounts and bills account etc.

Shared pot...easy. Whats the point of being married if you keep finances separate, you share everything.

We have multiple separate accounts but our finances aren’t separate. We share the money in them.

We put the same amount into a joint account for mortgage, bills, car, supermarket. Rest is ours to spend as we like. DH has started earning a bit more than me now so he contributes more to joint savings.

All paid in to joint account, all bills and expenses from there , from there feeders of same amount into personal accounts to do what you want with and savings account too fed from joint account

Personal accounts where our wages are paid
Joint account where joint outgoings go out
then we split in accordance with wages. easiest way to explain is
If i get £500 and she gets £1000 total income is £1500 and if our bills are £700 and joint savings are £100 then left over money is £700 so we both keep £350 of our wages and the rest goes in joint. this way neither of us have more and we manage our personal spends out an equal allowance.

We take turns buying treats or we take money out of joint for emergencies or holidays etc.
We both have personal savings where we put money out of our personal allowance if we want to (I save for my financial security and for big purchases and trips just for me), we also have our own financial commitments which we cover from this allowance so if I want a more expensive phone contract or a credit card etc then I cover that myself. However, we are both very open about money so if a problem arises and we need to adjust then we can have that discussion.

You only need to read two or three of the threads on here from Women who are in abusive relationships and couldn't so much as pay for a bus out of town because he controls all the money and all the accounts are joint.

I view all of our money as 'our money' but if things went badly wrong and I needed to get away then I've got access to cash that nobody can stop me using, nor know that I'm using.

I'm a spender and my DH is a saver, so we have always had separate bank accounts. We do a budget every year and divvy up who pays for what so we each have a similar amount left over to save or spend. The budget is not just household stuff but also hobbies, diy and holidays. It's worked for 45 years.