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Original poster

18yo big lump sum – how to handle?

114 replies

stealersmealdeal · 22/04/2023 07:56

My DS turns 18 soon and we have about 5 grand to give him that we've been saving since he was little. He's vaguely aware there is several thousand on the way, but not the exact amount.

I just wondered what others have done to approach this, in terms of making sure he doesn't fritter it away? Have you put conditions on how your DC spend something like this, or just let them loose and hope they were sensible with it? Have you made suggestions they have taken you up on – eg partly investing some of it – or have they ignored advice and bought themselves a fast car?! 😱He's working hard at the moment, and will go to uni in autumn, but live at home, so no accomm costs, at least.

Any genius tips gratefully received.

OP posts:
isthewashingdryyet · 22/04/2023 07:59

It is legally his money.
he can spend it all on wine, women and song, and waste the rest if he so chooses.

this is why you should keep money for your kids in your name, cos then you can give him some for uni but not for a trip post Alevel to Ibiza.

Stickmansmum · 22/04/2023 08:00

Nobody is getting a fast car with £5k. I think with things like this, you have to accept that it’s his money and he’s an adult. If you’ve put the groundwork in to now with teaching him to be sensible and responsive to your expectations of him it should hold. But even if he fritters it, it’s not a huge amount and wouldn’t have been the foundation of a house deposit or anything anyway. I would try and convince him to put it in high interest savings till he wants to buy a car or something. Up to him what he does though.

Original poster
stealersmealdeal · 22/04/2023 08:01

Well... it's legally my money, I can hold it all back if I wish. It's in a bank account in my name and won't automatically go to him unless I physically transfer it – but I see what you're getting at.

I mean, I don't want it blown on a trip to Ibiza, but I also don't want it frittered away on tins of chickpeas and cheap union beer, haha! Thanks, though.

OP posts:
thimblewomgee247 · 22/04/2023 08:02

We have this worry. We have saved for our children, but I remember so many of my friends blowing huge chunks of money that they where left at 18. One friends dad had died when he was little, he had 15k at 18. He blew through it on less than a year.

My plan is simply not to tell them it's there until they are old enough to use it wisely.

Original poster
stealersmealdeal · 22/04/2023 08:02

(That was to @isthewashingdryyet btw – thanks also, @Stickmansmum :-) )

OP posts:
LiliLil · 22/04/2023 08:02

It’s hard for him to know what he’s going to do with it if he doesn’t know the amount.

I would sit him down, tell him how much you have saved for him and ask him if he’s through about what it will be spent on.

Original poster
stealersmealdeal · 22/04/2023 08:03

thimblewomgee247 · 22/04/2023 08:02

We have this worry. We have saved for our children, but I remember so many of my friends blowing huge chunks of money that they where left at 18. One friends dad had died when he was little, he had 15k at 18. He blew through it on less than a year.

My plan is simply not to tell them it's there until they are old enough to use it wisely.

Yikes – not good!

OP posts:
MyFaceIsAnAONB · 22/04/2023 08:03

A fast car for £5k??

I’d probably just give it to him and hope for the best - if he spends it all it will be a lesson if/when he regrets it! I wasted money at that age and subsequently having no money was a great lesson - am now a mega saver!

thimblewomgee247 · 22/04/2023 08:03

Maybe give him £500 to fritter and save the year until it's needed.

VisionsOfSplendour · 22/04/2023 08:04

isthewashingdryyet · 22/04/2023 07:59

It is legally his money.
he can spend it all on wine, women and song, and waste the rest if he so chooses.

this is why you should keep money for your kids in your name, cos then you can give him some for uni but not for a trip post Alevel to Ibiza.

Does it say whose name it's in?

If I wasn't sure that my child was ready for a large amount of money I wouldn't give it to them just yet. What have you said to him?

TeenDivided · 22/04/2023 08:04

As it is legally yours then tell him it is there for when he has a need such as a car.
Don't just give it to him.

Merrow · 22/04/2023 08:05

I got inheritance of around that figure (maybe 4k) about that time. I bought myself a really nice guitar that still reminds me of my relative when I play it and invested the rest in the way my mum told me to! Used it towards my flat deposit in the end. My sister got the same sum and had a blow out holiday. I think to be honest it's a lot about personality. One thing my mum did do was sit down and go over interest rates, and what it could be in 5 years, and what I might want to use it for in the future.

DustyLee123 · 22/04/2023 08:06

I would pay for driving lessons with it, and use any leftovers towards a car. I wouldn’t just give that much to an 18 year old !

Birdsongsinging · 22/04/2023 08:06

We have paid for our kids uni so they have no loans, and driving lessons and we want to help contribute when they buy their first property so until then we won’t give them any big sum.

Rafting2022 · 22/04/2023 08:06

Does he have a part time job and will continue working whilst at uni? What’s his attitude like to money in general?

What are you hoping he does with it?

Patchworksack · 22/04/2023 08:08

What are your thoughts about what he should go with it? We have savings for our DC at 18 but the assumption at the moment is they’ll go towards university fees/expenses or if they go straight into work towards a house deposit. If he is living at home he may be better off using a student loan and putting the lump sum into savings. £5k would buy a cheap car and a year’s insurance if that’s something he needs.

3luckystars · 22/04/2023 08:08

Omg do not do this!!!!
give it to him at 25 when he needs it for something.

if you give him the full amount now he will blow it all and you will ALL be upset. (For a long time)

I know a few people who ‘got money’ and all said 25 was about the right age for it.

Original poster
stealersmealdeal · 22/04/2023 08:10

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 22/04/2023 08:03

A fast car for £5k??

I’d probably just give it to him and hope for the best - if he spends it all it will be a lesson if/when he regrets it! I wasted money at that age and subsequently having no money was a great lesson - am now a mega saver!

Ha, when I say "fast" I guess I mean a second-hand boy racer Corsa type thing that he would customise with blackout windows etc – worst case scenario!

OP posts:
PhotoDad · 22/04/2023 08:11

Since you asked for personal experiences, we've been lucky so far; DD got slightly over £20k in her JISA when she turned 18. She took £1k for "spends" in her first year at uni, and she's transferring the rest at £4k p.a. into a LISA. We hope that DS will do similar.

You will hear plenty of horror stories, though. It comes down to the individuals involved. You know your DS best!

Original poster
stealersmealdeal · 22/04/2023 08:12

Thanks all, this is really helpful.

I guess what I would want him to do with it is, I'd be happy for him to blow £1k-£1,500 travelling this summer, which he plans to do anyway and is saving towards, then put the rest away for the future. But that might be wishful thinking.

I don't know yet if he'll work while at uni.

OP posts:
Original poster
stealersmealdeal · 22/04/2023 08:14

PhotoDad · 22/04/2023 08:11

Since you asked for personal experiences, we've been lucky so far; DD got slightly over £20k in her JISA when she turned 18. She took £1k for "spends" in her first year at uni, and she's transferring the rest at £4k p.a. into a LISA. We hope that DS will do similar.

You will hear plenty of horror stories, though. It comes down to the individuals involved. You know your DS best!

OMG, how mature and sensible for an 18yo! I think your DD may be the exception to the rule...

OP posts:
TealDreams · 22/04/2023 08:14

My grandparents did this for me and my brother. I had a full time job and had worked for years, lived on my own & was in a stable relationship. They gave me the £5k and I put it towards a house deposit.
My brother didn't work (did the odd bit of free lance) and was a bit unpredictable. For every £500 he earned working they gave him £500. Meant he had an incentive to work & didn't get it all in one chunk. In the end he saved it all up and went to NYC for 3 weeks and asked his (now wife!) to marry him.
Only you know your son & know what he is like. My grandparents had no worries about me spending it & knew I was good with money but they were more reluctant with him. Smile

MrsCharlesFrere · 22/04/2023 08:16

Surely you know his character well enough to know if he will blow it or not? If you think he's going to do something silly then just don't give him the money.

Once he's got it then it's out of your control and if you nag him about it you risk turning a wonderful gesture into a source of tension.

We gave each of our kids approx £10k we'd saved for them and it never occurred to me to worry. I helped them pick savings accounts and I know they use it to dip into now they are at Uni so it's being used to make their Uni experience comfortable. Otherwise I'm not involved, but I know they aren't reckless types.

Shirty48 · 22/04/2023 08:16

I think people being dismissive of the amount need to be a bit more sensitive to the op who has obviously worked hard to save it up. Not everyone is on the MN £100k and can chuck thousands at their kids to buy their first car and house deposit etc. I also think saying you should have put it away in her own name is also unhelpful as she clearly can’t do this now.

OP we are in a similar boat. I’ve talked to both of mine about how they need to be sensible and how expensive things are, how interest works and advised they should think about putting the money in a LISA. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t but they both know there is no more money coming their way so ultimately it’s their choice.

Ragwort · 22/04/2023 08:18

I wouldn't hand over a large sum, we save for our DS (now 22) and have been regularly investing in a pension fund for him - which he can't access until he's 55! Also in a Help to Buy Isa ... not sure they are available now. He is sensible with savings and had already saved up quite a bit from Christmas and birthday gifts over the years - enough to put half towards his first car and we gifted him the other half when he was 20 (£1.5k) and 'needed' a car for his year out in industry from Uni.
But it so depends on the individual.. my DS has fortunately received a small inheritance but again, he is sensible and has invested it in savings.

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