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Original poster

I have done a terrible thing

67 replies

Goldie232 · 18/04/2023 23:52

Hi
I have done a really terrible thing and I can't forgive myself

My parents are in their 70's. I am very close to them. A couple of years ago they asked me if I could save some money for them in an account in my name. They usually save £500 per month in and there is well over 10k in there. Occasionally they will ask me to transfer some to them if they are going on holiday.

A couple of weeks ago I had a nightmare situation where I had a £700 car bill on top of a broken fridge. Money is tight at the moment so I haven't got this much spare money.

In a desperate state I transferred £500 from my parents money and £500 from my sons's savings account.

I paid my parents money back in 5 days later when I was able. Not paid son back yet but I can do that over a few months.

My parents don't know what I did and I feel awful. I lay awake last night feeling like the worst person in the world. I know it was deceitful but I was desperate and panicking.

My Parents don't know but I feel that I should tell them what I did. I am so ashamed at myself

WWYD?

OP posts:
ConkerBonkers · 22/04/2023 09:47

Like pp I think it's morally wrong and very selfish of your parents to take advantage of your savings account like this. Plus it's dodgy and is in no way an arrangement that is in your favour. I would explain everything that happened to them. Tell them you no longer feel comfortable continuing the arrangement and transfer the whole lot back to them asap.

SchoolTripDrama · 22/04/2023 10:00

So your parents are pretty wealthy loaded and their daughter is struggling on what sounds like less than a full time minimum wage salary ie: you're living in poverty - I'm sorry to be blunt but it's necessary for context - wow!

My Mum owns her home outright but survives on £600pm (less than me) and yet if my brother or I are ever struggling and she finds out, she would still find a way to make sure we don't go without what is necessary (obviously I don't usually tell her and always refuse it unless no other option)

SchoolTripDrama · 22/04/2023 10:05

On the other hand, I'm surprised how many people are saying it's no big deal or a non event. Would you all be saying that if, say someone stole money from your bank (or your purse?) and then later paid it back? I expect you'd still be pretty raging!

I expect if somebody robbed a bank and then later popped it back again, that they'd still be liable for the same charges regardless!

No, I'm not comparing what OP did to robbing a bank or fraud, I'm comparing the principle. Theft is theft, regardless of whether you pay it back or not!

ConkerBonkers · 22/04/2023 10:08

@SchoolTripDrama it doesn't meet the definition of theft since the money is in ops name because her parents are tax evaders/ benefit frauds - and implicating their daughter in their criminal activities.

Iamblossom · 22/04/2023 10:10

It's no different from what banks do. We save our money in them and they use it for other things while it's in there

unsync · 22/04/2023 10:11

Don't worry about it, you have paid it back not run off to South America for a new life. Maybe just have a think about how this situation arose and what you would do differently if it happens again, or how to make sure it doesn't happen again.

If your parents trust you with their money, they would probably lend you some if need be. Might be time for a hypothetical chat with them.

louderthan · 22/04/2023 10:22

Sounds dodgy as fuck. Tell them to arrange their own finances.

TheNachtzehrer · 22/04/2023 10:26

As PP said, a critical question here is why your parents are saving in your name in the first place. It's almost certainly a fiddle of some kind, and I would be pretty unimpressed and unwilling to aid them in it.

That said - while this was a small amount, and you paid it back - this was a big deal. Because you crossed a line, and you'll do it again. You took something that you knew didn't belong to you because you could and you thought you "needed" to. So the next time you have a pinch, or are just really tempted, you'll use this account again, and before long you'll probably be sloppy about replacing the money, because your parents don't "need" it anyway, right? Most embezzlers and thieves start out just like you. It's just a tiny bit, and just because they really need it, and they'll put it back straightaway, honest. They probably even do. The first time.

Confess to your parents and tell them you can't hold their money in your name any more.

Irritateandunreasonable · 22/04/2023 10:28

Iamblossom · 22/04/2023 10:10

It's no different from what banks do. We save our money in them and they use it for other things while it's in there

But it’s still available to us, and protected. We also put our money bank with the knowledge, understanding and agreement that they are going to do that. That doesn’t seem to be OPs arrangement with her parents & son.

LadyEloise1 · 22/04/2023 10:38

Blip · 19/04/2023 10:02

What you have done doesn't seem a big deal but holding an account in your name for someone else could be fraud which actually is a big deal.

This.

ssd · 22/04/2023 10:43

Sounds like you are scared of them. They obviously are hiding money from the tax man and using you to do it. They have plenty spare each month yet you struggle finding money for unexpected bills.
Have they always dominated your life?

Eggseggseverywhere · 22/04/2023 10:44

Luckily you have more morals than your dps.

My dd has 1k of mine under her bed! It's emergency Christmas money! She told me she dips into it and puts it back. Totally fine with that as long as come December it's all back!
I hope you never find yourself needing to claim benefits op as that amount would see you too well off to claim..

Irritateandunreasonable · 22/04/2023 11:29

ssd · 22/04/2023 10:43

Sounds like you are scared of them. They obviously are hiding money from the tax man and using you to do it. They have plenty spare each month yet you struggle finding money for unexpected bills.
Have they always dominated your life?

What?

where are you getting these assumptions from?

caringcarer · 22/04/2023 11:45

You know you can't claim benefits with over £6k in the bank in your name. DWP won't care if it is your parents money if it's in your name. I'd be telling parents to put it in ISA in their own name.

SD1978 · 22/04/2023 23:33

Sorry- you stole from them. The set up seems weird anyway- why cant they have the account themselves unless it's for tax or something, but you took their money- the paying it back is inconsequential. If you'd asked, no problem but you didn't. I would be telling them now, because what happens if next time you dip in you can't replace it before they realise?

Remmy123 · 23/04/2023 08:41

I have same situation I always put it back and never felt guilty as it was replaced

PrinnyPree · 24/04/2023 08:29

You paid it back within 5 days OP you have nothing to feel guilty about and don't need to mention it, tbf the setup sounds like they're using you to avoid paying tax so its not as if they have their hands clean. Think nothing of it and don't worry. X

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