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Original poster

I have done a terrible thing

67 replies

Goldie232 · 18/04/2023 23:52

Hi
I have done a really terrible thing and I can't forgive myself

My parents are in their 70's. I am very close to them. A couple of years ago they asked me if I could save some money for them in an account in my name. They usually save £500 per month in and there is well over 10k in there. Occasionally they will ask me to transfer some to them if they are going on holiday.

A couple of weeks ago I had a nightmare situation where I had a £700 car bill on top of a broken fridge. Money is tight at the moment so I haven't got this much spare money.

In a desperate state I transferred £500 from my parents money and £500 from my sons's savings account.

I paid my parents money back in 5 days later when I was able. Not paid son back yet but I can do that over a few months.

My parents don't know what I did and I feel awful. I lay awake last night feeling like the worst person in the world. I know it was deceitful but I was desperate and panicking.

My Parents don't know but I feel that I should tell them what I did. I am so ashamed at myself

WWYD?

OP posts:
Caterina99 · 19/04/2023 08:07

if I was in my 70s and able to save 500 a month, then I’d absolutely want to help out my adult child with something like a car repair or washing machine.

Especially if I trusted them enough to put money in their name - probably to avoid tax or some other dodgy reason

IneedanewTV · 19/04/2023 08:09

Don’t see the issue. In effect your parents have given you the money as it’s in your name. I’m assuming it’s to avoid inheritance tax or care fees. All my friends with elderly parents alive have this set up. Money is being transferred all over the place to avoid it being in the parents name.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 19/04/2023 08:26

Why are they putting it in your name? Sounds sketchy to me. Technically, if it's in your name then it's your money, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

MooBaggage · 19/04/2023 08:36

I wouldn't give this a second thought. You paid it back - it's a tiny amount comparatively and if they trust you enough to hold the account, it sounds like they would have let you borrow it anyway, which is what you did.

Having said all that though, I'm having similar angst at the moment! I have an account for ds2 for University - there's enough in it to support him through his 3 years and he's currently in year 1. Recently, my personal circumstances have changed and I've needed to take £1,500 from his Uni account (I had no other money at all) to pay for bills and I feel terrible. This is my money that I'm saving for him and effectively I've taken a slice of his 3rd year money which is still 2 years away - but I still feel awful....! I know that I'll be able to pay it back as my circumstances are changing again (positively) very soon and I know logically there is plenty in there until 2025 - but I still feel awful because I've never had to use ds's money before.

So - I get the feeling of guilt, but you've paid it back so please don't stress over this one - sometimes life gets in the way of our best intentions - as long as we try to fix it asap, we're doing the best we can!

Babyroobs · 19/04/2023 08:43

Why would you be saving for them ? Are they claiming benefits and depriving themselves of capital or something?

EyesOnThePies · 19/04/2023 08:48

OP, you used their account to sort out a cash flow issue, and paid it back. You have stolen it.

In terms of everything else: in legal terms the parents are giving their Dd £500 a month into an account in her name. It’s hers. You are allowed to give money to offspring, or whoever you like.

If they die within 7 years of transferring the £ it will be assessed on a sliding scale over 7 years IF their joint estate (if it includes a house left to their children) is over £1m.

Deliberate deprivation of assets does not include gifts made before any condition likely to lead to care needs is diagnosed or evident. They haven’t put their house into the OP’s name (as far as we know).

OP: having a large savings account will affect any means tested benefits you may be entitled to or need in the future. Is that a risk to you?

EyesOnThePies · 19/04/2023 08:49

Sorry should be ‘their’ account: it isn’t theirs, it’s yours!

slowquickstep · 19/04/2023 08:51

You have punished yourself enough now, let it go. You have paid the money back very quickly. You haven't stolen it so go easy on yourself now.

Mimosa08 · 19/04/2023 08:55

I assume your parents don't want to pay tax on their savings?
In which case they can get an isa
They can invest over £20k per year
You paid the money back, you need to pay your son back
Then stop this rather odd arrangement
Don't let your parents use your tax relief on savings

Baabaa75 · 19/04/2023 08:58

When I started reading I thought you were going to say you'd spent thousands, couldn't pay it back and parents were asking for it, That would be terrible! You borrowed a few hundred which you paid back almost straight away, consider it your reward for helping them 🤷 don't stress it's not terrible and no harms been done, if you were my daughter I wouldn't care 💐

Briallen · 19/04/2023 09:27

You haven’t done anything wrong? It’s in your name and you put it straight back.

this money they’re saving- is it going to be for you in the future or are they saving for something in particular?

I don’t think you should worry. You’re doing them a favour and they just did you one. I thought I was going to read that you spent it all or something. Taking out £500 and putting it straight back is not worth stressing over at all

sassyduck · 19/04/2023 09:29

You haven't done a terrible thing. You've paid it back and just be kind to yourself.

Eightiesgirl · 19/04/2023 09:38

If you were my son or daughter i'd happily give you the money. It's more concerning as to why they are asking you to save this money for them. Is it some kind of benefit fraud? I'd want to know why they couldn't save the money in their own account and I'd be very concerned about the possible implications of this for me.

Blip · 19/04/2023 10:02

What you have done doesn't seem a big deal but holding an account in your name for someone else could be fraud which actually is a big deal.

Caterina99 · 19/04/2023 15:44

I mean since it’s in your name, it’s technically your money.

So are they saving the money for you. Ie gifting you £500 per month, which is legal, although may have tax implications. In which case you can do what you like with your own money.

Or are they clear that it is their money that they want back at some point. I’m which case why are they saving it in your name and not theirs?

NoSquirrels · 21/04/2023 19:29

OP, if they give you £500 a month that’s £6,000 a year. You can give away £3,000 a year without any tax implications when you die, so I’m going to assume that they intend these savings in your name to be yours eventually anyway. Stop worrying.

Willma123 · 21/04/2023 19:33

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afterdropshock · 22/04/2023 07:51

Sounds like fraud to me.
I would be angry at them in this situation too. Why do they £500 spare every month that they have to hide, while you are struggling to cover basic living costs?
They should keep you out of their finances.

Clementineorsatsuma · 22/04/2023 08:18

Nothing to see here. Move along now.

Truly OP you have nothing to reproach yourself for. It's done.

Irritateandunreasonable · 22/04/2023 08:23

I don’t think you should do this behind their back if I’m honest, full disclosure is important because they’ve trusted you with their money.

It’s a bit of a dangerous precedent to set yourself - looking at it as money you are allowed to access without telling anyone. There potential for it to become a slippery slope.

You managed to pay it back this time which is great but you still owe your son money (have you told him about this?) and imo taking money that’s not yours just isn’t ok. It would be so different if you had asked them, why didn’t you?

Don’t do this again, let the guilt work as a warning to you and if you don’t trust yourself with other peoples money then hand back control of it.

Itsanotherhreatday · 22/04/2023 08:29

From a different perspective - if your child was struggling you’d want to help? The only issue I see is why you didn’t ask in the first place? What would’ve their reaction be?

LIZS · 22/04/2023 08:37

Is it still "their" money, if you fudn holidays from it. Suspect it is thought to be a means of avoiding IHT longer term. But could also be seen as deprivation of assets if care became an issue or for benefits. Although you can make gifts of (3k?) and for specific purposes within an annual allowance 6k pa is beyond this. Op is also liable to declare any interest for income tax purposes, if not an ISA or deducted at source,

As to your moral dilemma yes it would have been better to be upfront but technically it is op's money.

Testina · 22/04/2023 09:26

I’m surprised at the number of people saying you shouldn’t be ashamed - absolutely you should. It’s not your money - despite the fact it seems clear that they’ve made it yours for sone fiddle or other. Of course you were wrong to take what you all consider “their” money (whatever you’re pretending yo HMRC) without asking, for however long a period. It’s hardly the worst crime “borrowing” it, so I wouldn’t lose any sleep now. But your feeling of shame is appropriate.

dogglebox · 22/04/2023 09:38

I wouldn't even give it another thought. You juggled some money around, you paid it back.

TheFlis12345 · 22/04/2023 09:42

A terrible thing that is keeping you awake at night?!? It’s a complete non event. There are no negative consequences for anyone at all. Move on!