Page 2 | Worried about financial security with DH's will

Sandymummy · 2023-04-15T12:26:06+00:00

I think I may be overthinking and stressing myself out unnecessarily here…..My DH and I are sorting out our wills. This isn’t really straightforward as he is 20 years older than I am and has two grown up children. We also have a DC together. The current plan is that in his will 50% will go to me and 50% split to SC. My overthinking brain is worrying that if (touch wood) he lives to be a great old age, then I will potentially be in my 70s and will need to remortgage our home or move house to release money. I am a sensible planner and have worked hard to have some financial security so I am worried about this. I absolutely think it is right that SC inherit so don’t really want to suggest anything different. My question is …..is anyone in a similar situation? Are there any legal/ finance brains on here to offer me advice? Sorry this is potentially a shameless attempt to get free financial advice 😂

NoSquirrels · 15/04/2023 16:24

If you leave ‘most’ of yours to DH, then your SC will end up with a larger proportion overall thanks to your money. Honestly I think you’re both potentially shafting your joint DC and I’m not sure why?

AnotherEmma · 15/04/2023 16:27

Sandymummy · 15/04/2023 16:21

Mine more straightforward. Most to DH unless he’s not here and then to DC.

Why? Why not leave 50% to DH and 50% to your child? You would effectively be giving your stepchildren money (since he would presumably split equally between them).

YukoandHiro · 15/04/2023 16:30

As others have said 50 per cent isn't right - it should surely be half to you and one third each of the remaining half to each DC? In which case you only need to release less than 40 per cent of his half of the home and you would be able to get equity release to do that if the cash part of the estate didn't cover it

Im99912 · 15/04/2023 16:31

Your both own equal parts and leave it to your kids so your dh to ALL of his kids and your half to your kids
but with a lifetime interest trust that the surviving spouse has the right to remain in the property till they die
the kids will just have to wait for there inheritance

you can still move house the trust just goes over to the new property although I think it’s a bit more complicated than a normal move but it’s doable

you need a solicitor to do this as a will
when the first person dies the trust is created by their death

you get a solicitor to update the deeds on the land registry
you do have to register the trust with HMRC
within two years of the persons death

that’s been my recent experience of this

caringcarer · 15/04/2023 16:35

Surely 50 percent to you and other 50 percent split between his 3 children. Why should your child together miss out?

choirmumoftwo · 15/04/2023 16:38

Me and DH signed our new wills yesterday. Tenants in common. Whoever dies first, their 50% goes into a property trust for the eventual benefit of our children. Survivor has lifetime interest in the property and can move, downsize etc as needed. All other assets go to the surviving spouse. I thought this was a really common way to deal with assets and the children just need to wait. Ours would be horrified if they thought one of us was struggling in old age so they could have a payout.
Agree he should be treating all his biological children the same.

mybeautifuloak · 15/04/2023 16:46

Sandymummy · 15/04/2023 16:21

Mine more straightforward. Most to DH unless he’s not here and then to DC.

But then when he dies he will split everything and your money will go to his dc as well as yours

TempNCforthis · 15/04/2023 17:39

As others have said, your DC you share with your husband are missing out here.

I think under the circumstances I'd rather sell up now and buy two smaller places, one to rent out and one to live in. The one you live in would be yours forever, to leave to your children. The one you rent out would be his to leave between his three children. If you die first, he moves into his place. If he dies first you stay put.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/04/2023 17:59

@Felixss that doesn’t negate the fact that all of his children should inherit his legacy equally.

@Sandymummy thats worse if you die before him then as your DC will get nothing as you are leaving your wealth to your DH who is leaving his wealth to his previous DC excluding your DC together. I’d advise getting your own legal opinion so that your DC are not shafted.

Wishilivednearthesea · 15/04/2023 18:32

Just thinking generally based on a friend's experience, the right to stay in a property, that has been fully or partly left to someone else, until you die, does rather remove autonomy from the surviving spouse. They may not wish to stay put for emotional reasons, they may want a fresh start or to move nearer to friends or relatives. Even someone who owns half can only downsize from a large home - if you own half of a one bed flat in a cheap area you are stuck for life, you cannot buy somewhere else with half the proceeds.

Newjobformoremoney · 15/04/2023 18:37

So second wife and family here.
everything goes to the kids (his three, mine just to our one DC) but each of us have a clause that means that we’re allowed to live in the house until we die.
The last thing we wanted was for the other person to have to move.

As a side note, I’m not 100% sure the wills will stand up in a court of law due to some potential domestile issues.

choirmumoftwo · 15/04/2023 18:47

@Wishilivednearthesea that isn't true if the property is left in trust. The survivor can move using the whole property value with the trustees agreement. The 50% still stands at death of survivor.

Flustarhymes · 16/04/2023 13:40

I am in an almost identical situation OP. 20 year age gap and adult step children.

PM me and I’d be happy to share how we have done this as I’d prefer not to write it all out here.

LucifersLight · 16/04/2023 14:54

You are shafting your joint DC.

Your husband owns half the house, so his half should be left to his 3 children 1/3rd each and you should have the right to live in the house until you die.

Pretty simple really.

What you do with your 50% of the house is up to you, but it should really all go to your joint DC as the SC will inherit from their mother if she wants.

Belleweather · 16/04/2023 15:09

Flustarhymes · 16/04/2023 13:40

I am in an almost identical situation OP. 20 year age gap and adult step children.

PM me and I’d be happy to share how we have done this as I’d prefer not to write it all out here.

I'm in a similar position but only recently married after a longer relationship. DH owns his house outright but I pay most of our bills and reduced my contract/ good salary to care for him. He won't put me on the deeds to the house, effectively making me homeless and penniless should anything happen to him. He'd get my pension and life insurance though. He changed his will with a 'view to marriage' to avoid me inheriting any rights and won't let me see the will. Thinking of leaving but my income is halved now.

Whichnumbers · 16/04/2023 18:56

The current plan is that in his will 50% will go to me and 50% split to SC.

Ultimately meaning that you own 75% of a house with two other people owning the other share of 25%

But his 3 child receives nothing from him, she/he is left out of his will as a beneficiary?

Surely it should be split so his 3 children receive equal parts, so 17% or thereabouts? Or he leaves 17% each to his dc and leaves you to leave his share to your joint child

If you're adamant that the inheritance isn't put in trust then you'll need to find a way of paying the children their inheritance, either by selling the family home or raising the cash

Could you gift them part of their inheritance now to reduce the burden later?

TempNCforthis · 17/04/2023 13:11

I'm in a similar position but only recently married after a longer relationship. DH owns his house outright but I pay most of our bills and reduced my contract/ good salary to care for him. He won't put me on the deeds to the house, effectively making me homeless and penniless should anything happen to him. He'd get my pension and life insurance though. He changed his will with a 'view to marriage' to avoid me inheriting any rights and won't let me see the will. Thinking of leaving but my income is halved now.

@Belleweather he sounds absolutely horrible. Is there any way you can change your pension and life assurance so he doesn't get a penny from you?

If you've only recently married then you could divorce him and be back to where you were. He could care for himself as far as I was concerned. I'd go back to working full time and leave the selfish bastard to it.

2bazookas · 17/04/2023 13:18

With that age gap, and a dependent child, he should get enough life insurance to cover the mortgage if he dies first.

He should in any case leave his share of the house to you only, so there is no possibility of his older children (or their beneficiaries) forcing you to sell.

You need proper WILL advice from a solicitor. On no account let him do a DIY will.

DarkDarkNight · 17/04/2023 13:19

We don’t know the financial situation of the Stepchildren’s mother, it’s not a given they will inherit from her. Perhaps she doesn’t own a property and isn’t a high earner, maybe she is unable to work. If the father knows this I think a 50/50 split is fine so that his older children will benefit. His youngest child will eventually inherit from both parents which may be behind his thinking.

Floofydawg · 17/04/2023 13:36

DarkDarkNight · 17/04/2023 13:19

We don’t know the financial situation of the Stepchildren’s mother, it’s not a given they will inherit from her. Perhaps she doesn’t own a property and isn’t a high earner, maybe she is unable to work. If the father knows this I think a 50/50 split is fine so that his older children will benefit. His youngest child will eventually inherit from both parents which may be behind his thinking.

That's not really the OPs problem though is it. And it doesn't change the fact that all her partner's kids should really be treated equally.

Newjobformoremoney · 17/04/2023 19:41

I love how it being the second marriage and child it’s totally fine to cut the child out, but if it was the children from the first marriage there would be an outcry.

Oh how I love mumsnet double standards.

TennisWithDeborah · 17/04/2023 20:40

I don’t think that any of this is fair on the child he has with you, who is not being left anything at all directly. I think it’s great that you both care about your stepchildren’s feelings OP but you need to be a bit more hardheaded I think.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 27/07/2023 08:06

i do think you need to talk to dh more.
the issue isn’t the principle - he wants to divide the sssets he came into the marriage with between you and his own children. Fair enough

but, if part of those assets including your home, that you have contributed mortgage on, care, maintenance bills etc, and have lived in whilst value has increased, his kids are benefitting from your contribution too , but to your detriment.

personally, I’d be asking him to value house and assets at point he entered marriage and ring fence that with the 50:50 split, then asset gains from point of marriage go to you first on his death.

if he won’t do that, I’d be asking to sell now, buy two homes , rent one in your name, to give you security

right now yes, you stand a good chance of having to sell your home to release equity he is leaving to his kids, and that’s not a static sum, the more the house value increases over next 20 years, the more his children will be owed and you’ll still need to sell

has he said what he expects you to do for housing in event of his death?

Velvian · 27/07/2023 08:14

I agree that your DC is missing out. If you die first and most of your share goes to your DH, your child is not set to inherit from your DH, so why would you do that?

Another thing to consider, if your house is large, is downsizing now or in a few years and giving all the DC a lump sum in your lifetimes.

lionsleepstonight · 27/07/2023 08:16

I'm in the same position as in this IS how our wills are written. I'm comfortable to sell up and downsize to release SC's shares when the time comes. Also, I don't have to either as pp said I'll have a lifetime interest. But today, my view is I will release the cash if I can to help them out and give them a boost.