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Original poster

AIBU to feel pissed off

32 replies

Karenkk23 · 03/04/2023 22:40

Hi

so before I start, I’m not trying to Piss anybody off. I do know that we’ve got a lot to be grateful for, and I certainly wouldn’t be posting this on the cost of living thread, however……

dh and I are both early 40’s. 2dc’s. We both work full time n decent jobs. We have a mortgage, a car loan and the usual household bills and living expenses.

I’m pissed off that due to an increase in our mortgage payment/energy bills/food/everything! We are now left with £600 spare each month after we have paid all of our essential bills, food, car fuel etc.

now I know that we’re lucky to have £600 spare but this money is what we would use for holidays, meals out, weekends away etc. £150 per week doesn’t seem to go far. I’m also pissed off that we’re not more comfortable after working hard for nearly 20 years!

dh thinks I’m out of touch and that we are doing ok.

aibu?

OP posts:
Lou22000 · 03/04/2023 22:43

I feel you on this one x

Danikm151 · 03/04/2023 22:44

£150 a week is £7800 a year.

the fact that you have that after you’ve paid bills and buy food means you’re doing well. It may not seem like it but you’re in a better place than other people.

interest rates are rocketing so your mortgage payments are a lot higher but you’re still doing ok.

ThisWormHasTurned · 03/04/2023 22:52

You are doing okay. My budget as a single parent is far less than that and I am on a reasonable wage.
Pretty much everyone has had to tighten their belts with the economy as it is..with that kind of cash, you have spare cash for treats and towards a holiday. Maybe not abroad in school holidays but a nice trip.
Yes it’s frustrating that cost have gone up but we’re recovering from a global pandemic. It’s impacted on everyone.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 03/04/2023 22:54

That's £7800 a year. That's not exactly hard done by.

Everyone and I mean everyone is having to tighten their belts.

vodkaredbullgirl · 03/04/2023 22:59

At least you have £600 after everything.

Lifeisnotfair4 · 04/04/2023 07:07

I agree with your DH you are doing fine my advice start valuing more than money and you will feel richer.

Summerslimtime · 04/04/2023 07:15

Yeah same here, but we've never been abroad or eat out many times a year. It is shit, but we are paying more to live in a nicer area, so that's our choice, I guess.

Original poster
Karenkk23 · 04/04/2023 07:26

I just can’t help feeling furious that our money has been reduced due to all of the recent increases etc.

OP posts:
Eastie77Returns · 04/04/2023 07:26

I understand why you’re pissed off OP. It’s very frustrating when you work hard, and in your case have done so for a couple of decades, but can’t afford nice extras such as a proper holiday abroad after bills are taken care off. We are in a similar situation. I’m a higher earner and we have more than £600 left over but it’s not really enough to take the 4 of us on a holiday abroad. I work long hours and it would be nice for my DC to have a break in the sun this Summer but here we are.

Be warned though that on MN you are not allowed to complain unless you are on the absolute breadline. Anyone who has more than £100 left after bills and complains is being ‘goady’ or insensitive.

Original poster
Karenkk23 · 04/04/2023 07:30

Eastie77Returns · 04/04/2023 07:26

I understand why you’re pissed off OP. It’s very frustrating when you work hard, and in your case have done so for a couple of decades, but can’t afford nice extras such as a proper holiday abroad after bills are taken care off. We are in a similar situation. I’m a higher earner and we have more than £600 left over but it’s not really enough to take the 4 of us on a holiday abroad. I work long hours and it would be nice for my DC to have a break in the sun this Summer but here we are.

Be warned though that on MN you are not allowed to complain unless you are on the absolute breadline. Anyone who has more than £100 left after bills and complains is being ‘goady’ or insensitive.

I know what you mean. I do know that we’re fortunate in so many ways. I just don’t think that it’s unreasonable to expect To be able to have a few luxuries.

OP posts:
HAF1119 · 04/04/2023 07:54

I totally do get where you are coming from, we were just breaking even with a young child nursery to pay at £1150 and knew when 30 hours kicked in we would have an additional £600 a month which felt really luxurious to us (and I'm not downplaying what you're feeling)

Then just as the childcare went down COL took the mortgage, energy, council tax, water, food spend up.

So now we've ended up with £50 leftover most months. I try to cut back on the food shop as much as possible to have more leftover..

On the flip side I'm glad it didn't happen during the additional childcare expense though or we would have lost the house so there is that, but we really were looking forward to breathing easy!

BarbaraofSeville · 04/04/2023 08:01

But you have nearly £8k a year to spend on luxuries Confused

I get that it's shit, and you've seen a significant reduction in your disposable income, which is really noticeable.

You just have to make the best of it and make sure you spend your money on whatever brings best value to you.

Can you cut any of your essential spending? Have you reviewed the cost of your broadband/phones/TV packages recently? The difference between paying the headline price of the 'full' packages and negotiating deals and discounts and cutting costs where you can is significant.

Eg if you have full Virgin or Sky, for £100 PM and you all have contract phones at £30 pm that's nearly £250 pm.

Or you could swap your broadband and just get one or two of Netflix, Now, Disney etc and half the cost to £50 pm. Same for phones. Go SIM only and keep your phones longer, don't renew every 2 years and cut the cost again to around £50 and you've more than halved these costs and freed up £140 pm to spend on other things.

How much do you spend on groceries? Is it the typical national average for a family your size of around £100-150 pw or are you spending like a Mumsnetter who says that normal basic shopping has to cost twice that amount?

Without more details like that, it's impossible to say what your true position is and whether you could make any changes to feel more comfortable.

Are your days out good value? Do you look for deals and season passes, take a picnic? Or do you just walk up to the door, pay full price, have lunch in the cafe and wonder why a day out costs £100+?

If you're serious about looking at improving things, you could follow the tips on Moneysaving Expert and see your money go much further, if you aren't already doing so.

StuntNun · 04/04/2023 08:04

About 20 years ago my parents paid off their mortgage and finished paying off a car loan within a month of each other. They went from struggling to get by every month to suddenly having enough money for a meal out every so often and they started to plan some more exotic holidays from their usual week in a holiday cottage in Wales. It made such a difference to their overall happiness and quality of life, and also to their ability to save for the future. So I get exactly what you mean OP. You've been working and working to try to get to a better financial state and the rug has been pulled out from under you.

Exasperatednow · 04/04/2023 08:05

I think you are perfectly entitled to feel how you do. Your circumstances now are the result of other people's decisions- some, our politicians (see mortgage and sone of the cost of living) and some, other countries politicians (fuel and done of the cost of living) - which are also linked to bad strategic decisions made by our own politicians. We're also suffering from individualism - as long as you are ok that's fine and font worry about everyone else. I worry about my children's futures but both if mie are planning to try out somewhere else - probably Germany.

Whatisthisanyidea · 04/04/2023 08:08

the fact that you have that after you’ve paid bills and buy food means you’re doing well

Really?

This is the roll over attitude of most people - I’m better than most so I must be doing ok - well it shouldn’t be!! People work hard to enjoy their lives - not pay bills!!

They’re uproar in other countries and we just plod on!! Times need to change.

ditalini · 04/04/2023 08:11

I get what you mean, but this is what you worked for - so that you would be cushioned when times are hard.

Dh and I are in the best financial position of our lives as, after immense effort, he is now working in a professional job after years of poor mental health, low paid work, and then a long period of unemployment. I no longer have to support us all financially and it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

It's also coincided with the cost of living crisis so we can't have the nice things that this would have got us a few years ago, but equally if I'd still been the sole breadwinner we'd have sunk.

I feel very lucky that we've got the luxury of a financial cushion that's protecting us.

easterbunnysbum · 04/04/2023 08:17

What is the thing that has increased the most?

Is it the energy?

I had a bill of £400 for one month!

itsjustnotok · 04/04/2023 08:23

Eastie77Returns · 04/04/2023 07:26

I understand why you’re pissed off OP. It’s very frustrating when you work hard, and in your case have done so for a couple of decades, but can’t afford nice extras such as a proper holiday abroad after bills are taken care off. We are in a similar situation. I’m a higher earner and we have more than £600 left over but it’s not really enough to take the 4 of us on a holiday abroad. I work long hours and it would be nice for my DC to have a break in the sun this Summer but here we are.

Be warned though that on MN you are not allowed to complain unless you are on the absolute breadline. Anyone who has more than £100 left after bills and complains is being ‘goady’ or insensitive.

We are doing ok because DH is doing whatever overtime he can. Tbh I can see why people find these posts annoying. To have that much left when people are using food banks or have no chance of getting a mortgage or saving might be seen as a bit annoying.

calmby · 04/04/2023 08:38

I understand why you're pissed off OP, we all have ambitions and goals etc and just surviving isn't my bar and I don't understand why some people on MN seem to think if you can pay your bills you put up or shut up. Are you taking any active steps to try to improve your situation? I've just left a job I loved for more money, not the advised thing but I still enjoy the job and I still have a life I want to live on my terms outside of working. Interest rates will have a huge impact on us when we remortgage so I'm trying to get ahead of it.

Onegingerhead · 04/04/2023 08:40

I am feeling the same and can’t help but consider myself a massive life failure. Wrong degree, wrong job, can’t see how to improve my financial situation. And it’s professional job. I have about £300 left after our household expenses are being paid and I don’t consider it’s good or feel very privileged to have so much left (according to MN). We do need to buy new cloths do we.. last week our microwave packed up, unexpected expense again. Every month is something, at least now we won’t be using the heating so at least this bill should go down..
in RL I don’t really see people struggling to much, my friends and acquaintances are still doing expensive house renovations, go on holidays (literally everyone we know - but us go abroad for Easter break), buy new cars (mine is 03 reg, lol) and so on. I happen to know some of their incomes and if it’s what it takes not to struggle now I realise it is not achievable for me in 100000 years.

calmby · 04/04/2023 08:40

And as it happens I really don't think £600 a month for every thing outside of bills; days out, Christmas, birthdays, holidays, clothes is as much as is being made out. When you had the money and then you don't, surely we can empathise a change in lifestyle is upsetting.

Chessetchelsea · 04/04/2023 08:44

Exactly the same, OP. Thought once the DC started school and we were both back to full time, we’d be golden. Except we’re not as our bills are so much more than before. We’ve done all the cost cutting, slimming down, reducing contracts and subscriptions etc. We have £250 left for food until the end of the month. We’re early 40s, professional jobs.

Tromso · 04/04/2023 08:45

I'm sorry to say it but yes, you are out of touch.

Everybody's income has been reduced due to the constant increase in the price of almost everything. It's not just you, it's not personal, although I understand why you feel that way.

It's not a competition I know, but this month, I've got £171 to last until pay day and that also has to cover food for the household. So just know that there's at least one person out there who is rather envious of your paltry £600...

Eastie77Returns · 04/04/2023 11:58

itsjustnotok · 04/04/2023 08:23

We are doing ok because DH is doing whatever overtime he can. Tbh I can see why people find these posts annoying. To have that much left when people are using food banks or have no chance of getting a mortgage or saving might be seen as a bit annoying.

Show quote history

I do understand that but every situation is relative to a someone’s personal circumstances.

I remember watching a documentary about the NHS and a doctor from Zimbabwe who works here was flabbergasted and angry that relatives of patients in his hospital complain about car park fees during visiting hours. He felt that in the U.K. we are incredibly ungrateful - we have a free health system while people in his home country literally drop dead in the street because they cannot afford to see a doctor. Yet here we are complaining about a £10 parking fee.

The thing is, he might be right but someone earning minimum wage (which would be a fortune to the average citizen in Zimbabwe) might quite rightly feel aggrieved at paying parking fees that then impacts their grocery budget for example. It isn’t particularly helpful to remind them that there are people who are so much worse off than them, even if it’s true.

Zipettydooda · 04/04/2023 12:14

YANBU for feeling that way but the reality is many people are worse off and have nothing left each month.

I think I heard on the news the other day that energy costs might start to come down in the summer but I might be wrong.

Most of us are in the same boat. I’ve adopted the attitude that I’ll just keep working away and things will eventually improve.

fwiw, I have an old car which is reliable, has never broken down and gets me from A to B.
As a result I can afford a nice holiday now and again, eating out etc.
There are a lot of people out there driving cars which are brand new but they don’t actually own.
Some of these payments are around £900/ m if my work colleagues are anything to go by ( yet they still complain about being skint )

Would you be prepared to forgo the car for an older model which you can buy straight off and increase your monthly disposable income?