AIBU to feel pissed off

[Karenkk23]

Hi

so before I start, I’m not trying to Piss anybody off. I do know that we’ve got a lot to be grateful for, and I certainly wouldn’t be posting this on the cost of living thread, however……

dh and I are both early 40’s. 2dc’s. We both work full time n decent jobs. We have a mortgage, a car loan and the usual household bills and living expenses.

I’m pissed off that due to an increase in our mortgage payment/energy bills/food/everything! We are now left with £600 spare each month after we have paid all of our essential bills, food, car fuel etc.

now I know that we’re lucky to have £600 spare but this money is what we would use for holidays, meals out, weekends away etc. £150 per week doesn’t seem to go far. I’m also pissed off that we’re not more comfortable after working hard for nearly 20 years!

dh thinks I’m out of touch and that we are doing ok.

aibu?

I get where you're coming from. We're a single income family and have a very nice life, comfortable but not wealthy. If we'd been 10/15 years older with DH in the same job our lives would be completely different. We'd be looking at private schools, a much nicer house in a naice part of town etc. I never complain as, like I said, we are incredibly fortunate, just sucks to see how different the lives of those who came ahead of us in the same profession live!

Can you overpay on your mortgage To save interest then you will have £150 plus your mortgage spare ?

I’m gonna be hated here but I’m on benefits with 4 kids & I have about the same.

So yes, I totally get why you’d be pissed.

It’s very frustrating when you feel like you’re working to just pay bills/live. I do think that a lot of people have less disposable income but a reduction in that is difficult in any circumstances.

I book a holiday, pay monthly and then set up an amount to a savings account to cover extra holiday costs like parking, insurance etc, this is considered like a ‘bill’ to me! You may have £500 a month then instead of £600 but it guarantees a holiday if it’s important to you rather than the money being frittered away which is so easily done!

I think it might also be worth deciding whether you will have an amount between you, an amount each or a bit of both?

I grew up poor and am now nearing 50. It’s only in the last 5 or 6 years that I’ve become financially stable with any disposable income and no debt. It’s been a very long hard slog. Social mobility is hard to achieve when you’re poor, but it is possible, it’s only taken me 30 odd years lol!

I do sometimes feel pissed off that I worked my arse off for so long and finally get some much longed for affluence and the world turns to shit and all my hard earned wages are now just getting swallowed up by basic living costs.

However because I’ve struggled for most of my life, I remind myself of times I had no money, food, or heating and how bloody soul destroying it is to live like that.

It gives me a reality check and I feel real gratitude that I now have the means to meet my most basic of needs like clothing, housing and food. Yes luxuries are nice, but they aren’t necessary.

I know you say you’re grateful but I don’t think you are, you don’t really sound it. If you were you wouldn’t be on here posting about it. You’d be busy doing something else and making the best of what you have. I agree with your husband. I don’t say this to be rude but moaning that you’ve only got £600 disposable income a month comes across to me as rather entitled and most definitely out of touch. Yes, you worked hard, so do a vast amount of people that get £600 or less as a monthly wage. Some people don’t have any disposable income at all.

Try turning your anger and disappointment into something purposeful. Could you volunteer to help at a food bank, a church coffee morning or a local charity? There you will meet the people who would love to be in your position, but probably never will never be in their entire lifetime.

Perhaps then you may learn that you know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

I agree with you, it feels like you are just working to pay the bills, surviving rather than thriving as they say.

But at least some of your bills are paying off your house and will provide you with a pension so you are spending on some 'luxuries' but not really feeling it.

So what can you do? Earn more or spend less. Hopefully you'll both get raises and prices will stabilise.

It’s not unreasonable at all. Everyone saying ‘That’s 7800 a year, be grateful’ make me shake my head. It doesn’t matter how much it is. People work hard for a particular quality of life. Doesn’t matter what end of the spectrum that ‘quality’ level sits at, if it’s impacted you feel it. £7800 between two people is 3900 per person. God forbid you want to make savings, go on holiday (even a week in Benalmadena costs £2k these days) or indulge yourself now and then.

Just because you manage on less doesn’t mean everyone should be happy to.