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Original poster

Can we afford to pay DD's rent?

50 replies

Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 18:28

I'm in the states, so everything is in USD.

We're in the Bay Area and our mortgage, taxes, and housing maintenance fee comes to about $4,500 a month. We're selling and moving to Las Vegas, where we'll rent for about $2,000 a month.

Our take home pay should rise to $12,250 a month in Las Vegas because there's fewer taxes there. We also won't be paying for DD's schooling anymore because she's graduating in three months.

She wants to stay in the Bay Area and rent a room, which would cost about $1,000 to $1,500 a month.

Can we afford to cover that? How long would you help cover her rent? I had thought a year, but she might need help after that year. I also have three younger kids and have to be mindful that anything we do for the oldest, they may expect to be done for them.

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cocksstrideintheevening · 16/03/2023 18:57

Am I missing something, just do the maths?

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 19:05

cocksstrideintheevening · 16/03/2023 18:57

Am I missing something, just do the maths?

You're right. We don't have much in savings, and we're behind on contributing to our retirement accounts, but we've been paying for university and had high housing costs, so that may be why we have so little saved.

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Whataretheodds · 16/03/2023 19:07

What are you doing with the proceeds from your house sale - what provision are you making for housing in your retirement, especially if you're behind on your long term savings, as you say?

Why can't your Daughter pay rent herself?

IhearyouClemFandango · 16/03/2023 19:07

Why is she staying behind? If to work, surely she will be earning?

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 19:16

Whataretheodds · 16/03/2023 19:07

What are you doing with the proceeds from your house sale - what provision are you making for housing in your retirement, especially if you're behind on your long term savings, as you say?

Why can't your Daughter pay rent herself?

We'll see how much we get from a sale. We do plan to buy, but want to rent for at least a year to get to know the area.

My daughter was planning on living at home during this transitional time, and we just announced to her that we're selling. It's only three months until she graduates, so I have a lot of guilty feelings for not giving her much time to plan. She does plan on getting a job, but it's not likely to be much money when she's just at the beginning of her career.

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Original poster
Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 19:22

IhearyouClemFandango · 16/03/2023 19:07

Why is she staying behind? If to work, surely she will be earning?

Yes, she'll be earning. But she won't be making much money. There's a good chance she'll get an internship that could lead to a permanent position after the summer, but even the permanent position is only $3300 a month after taxes, and she'll have bills and need to get a car.

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Wallywobbles · 16/03/2023 19:39

Surely there's an option between all or nothing.

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 19:52

Wallywobbles · 16/03/2023 19:39

Surely there's an option between all or nothing.

She had thought she was going to have a free place to live with food and utilities provided, and use of the family car. Even if we pay her rent she'll have to pay for so much. I feel like I'm not doing enough. Like I should help her get a car.

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EsteeLouder · 16/03/2023 20:49

Why Vegas though?
I've recently returned and was shocked at the prices, groceries are extortionate, but I guess you have a fair whack of disposable income.

Is there no way you can encourage your daughter to move too?

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 21:18

@EsteeLouder My husband 's company has offices in Austin, Hong Kong, Las Vegas, San Francisco, and Tel Aviv, and they're trying to get people to move to the Vegas office so they're offering to reimburse for relocation. The cost of living is lowest in Las Vegas. The grocery prices are actually lower than what we're paying now, but the big difference is that housing is so much lower.

I did make the offer to have her move with us, but I knew it was unlikely she would. I can keep making the offer, though.

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EsteeLouder · 16/03/2023 21:43

Mastmw7g · 16/03/2023 21:18

@EsteeLouder My husband 's company has offices in Austin, Hong Kong, Las Vegas, San Francisco, and Tel Aviv, and they're trying to get people to move to the Vegas office so they're offering to reimburse for relocation. The cost of living is lowest in Las Vegas. The grocery prices are actually lower than what we're paying now, but the big difference is that housing is so much lower.

I did make the offer to have her move with us, but I knew it was unlikely she would. I can keep making the offer, though.

Thanks for the explanation (not that you have to explain yourself to anyone), that must be a really difficult decision for you to make.

Is your child an "only"?

I'm not sure what age education finishes or how old your child is, but from a personal point of view, I'd want my family together regardless of if I could afford to help with their cost of living.

Sorry that's not particularly useful 😞

NorthernDrizzle · 16/03/2023 21:46

Vegas is cheap!
I was really surprised at how cheap toiletries, alcohol in shops and groceries were compared to Texas, NYC, Chicago and Boston- all of which I have been to in the past few months

motherofC · 16/03/2023 22:05

I wish I had parents like you, I’ve had to get everything for myself and pay for it by myself . So don’t beat yourself up too much just do what you can. You’ll find many won’t be able to answer as not many are in your position anymore or at all. Your doing great by even just figuring out how to help but you’ve got to remember you can’t do this forever too. She needs to find her own way eventually xxx

Whataretheodds · 16/03/2023 23:58

Why don't you offer to lend her the deposit and first month's rent (if you can). That way she can get herself set up but is still paying her way.

CC4712 · 17/03/2023 00:03

Can you afford to be doing the exact same payouts for ALL the other children when the times comes?

QueSyrahSyrah · 17/03/2023 00:06

As a PP said, why is it all or nothing? Can you chip in $500 or $800 towards her rent until she's in a better position? Or wait and see what salary she secures and negotiate from there?

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 00:16

@EsteeLouder No, I have three younger kids.

I wish we could stay together, too. You make a good point.

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Original poster
Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 00:19

@QueSyrahSyrah I guess my thought on paying the full amount of rent is because I want to replicate the situation she'd have at home as much as possible because that was the plan. I feel a lot of guilt for changing plans on her.

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QueSyrahSyrah · 17/03/2023 00:24

@Mastmw7g I understand that but if the move is better for you and the family as a whole then to a degree she's going to have to suck it up too.

The summer I finished school we moved from a council property where I had a big double bedroom plus a spare room to myself, to a tiny terraced property we owned. I lost a good deal of privacy and comfort but for the greater good (and I moved out and started fending for myself shortly after).

Don't work yourself up too much about it.

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 00:27

CC4712 · 17/03/2023 00:03

Can you afford to be doing the exact same payouts for ALL the other children when the times comes?

I don't know. I know there's no fairness police, but it wouldn't seem fair to offer so much to one and not the rest.

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Original poster
Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 00:33

@NorthernDrizzle Vegas IS cheap, especially compared to what we're used to! The schools are supposedly worse overall, but we can't afford to live in a good school area now. So we'd actually get an upgrade in school quality by moving.

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AliceOlive · 17/03/2023 00:35

Sounds like you can afford to help, but sounds like you also need to be hitting your retirement as hard as possible. (But get advice, in this very tumultuous economy).

My parents were smart and one of the best gifts they have given me is their one financial stability. I’ll never have to worry about them.

AliceOlive · 17/03/2023 00:37

Oh, and don’t publicize what you do for each of your children to the others. They are unique individuals and you don’t have to spend exactly the same in order to treat them all well. They will all have different needs.

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 00:38

Whataretheodds · 16/03/2023 23:58

Why don't you offer to lend her the deposit and first month's rent (if you can). That way she can get herself set up but is still paying her way.

I don't think she'll be able to afford it while working an internship unless she gets a second job.

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Original poster
Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 00:44

@AliceOlive DH says we can contribute the maximum amount to his employment retirement account after we move. He's contributing a minimal amount now. And we haven't contributed anything to our investment retirement accounts since DD started university. I didn't talk to DH about that, but hopefully we'll start contributing the maximum amount to those again, too.

That's good advice to not advertise to the younger kids what we are doing.

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