Page 2 | Can we afford to pay DD's rent?

Mastmw7g · 2023-03-16T18:28:39+00:00

I'm in the states, so everything is in USD. We're in the Bay Area and our mortgage, taxes, and housing maintenance fee comes to about $4,500 a month. We're selling and moving to Las Vegas, where we'll rent for about $2,000 a month. Our take home pay should rise to $12,250 a month in Las Vegas because there's fewer taxes there. We also won't be paying for DD's schooling anymore because she's graduating in three months. She wants to stay in the Bay Area and rent a room, which would cost about $1,000 to $1,500 a month. Can we afford to cover that? How long would you help cover her rent? I had thought a year, but she might need help after that year. I also have three younger kids and have to be mindful that anything we do for the oldest, they may expect to be done for them.

BeesOnLavender · 17/03/2023 01:03

You're making the offer for DD to move with you and have free housing bills car etc and honestly that's enough. If she wants something different ie to stay then she'll have to pay for it. Being broke when you're starting out in life is totally normal. If all her salary is swallowed up by paying for life's essentials that's fine. It's called life. Maybe she can't afford to get an internship and will have to find paid work. If she's about to graduate then she's what, 21? A grown adult. You've funded her long enough and you're not kicking her out you're offering to still fund her while she gets on her feet. If she doesn't want to move with you to take up that offer, it's on her.

MissMarplesbag · 17/03/2023 01:11

Could you rent your home out in the Bay area while you rent in Las Vegas. This way you don't waste the equity in your family home if you don't like Las Vegas. You've got the option of moving back or trying a different area while still holding on to your home.

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 01:48

@BeesOnLavender She's 19, and turns 20 next month. She did a special program called concurrent enrollment where she completed part of postsecondary while doing her secondary education.

Her internship would pay as much as a retail job, but probably not as much as working in a restaurant. I worry she won't be able to afford everything without working two jobs. And she'll need us to cosign the lease for her, so we'll already be saying we're responsible for the rent.

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AliceOlive · 17/03/2023 02:01

Based on everything you’ve written, I think you are doing the right thing. It sounds affordable given the decreased cost of living change in LV, and no longer paying for University.

Unicorn2022 · 17/03/2023 02:10

Do you have to sell your current house now? If you'll be renting in Vegas can't you let your daughter live in your current home and give it six months or a year before you sell? It means if you hate it in Vegas you could move back again, plus you will be building equity rather than paying for your daughter to rent somewhere else.

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 02:17

MissMarplesbag · 17/03/2023 01:11

Could you rent your home out in the Bay area while you rent in Las Vegas. This way you don't waste the equity in your family home if you don't like Las Vegas. You've got the option of moving back or trying a different area while still holding on to your home.

No, we're not able to get it approved from the homeowners association for the building. (Our fault for not getting a house.)

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MrsRickAstley · 17/03/2023 05:13

Have you already asked this question ? Why didn't you add to your other thread ?

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 16:30

@MrsRickAstley No, I didn't think about whether or not I could afford it until my other thread, and thought that was a question best asked here.

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Nandocushion · 17/03/2023 17:16

OP honestly I don't think she'll be able to afford Bay Area on 3300 a month after taxes, especially if she wants to run a car as well, unless she's sharing a tiny flop with 12 other people. She will at the very least have to have a second job, but that's totally normal for someone her age. How long were you expecting to fund her choices? I know professional adults who can't afford to live there. Could she find something closer to her job/internship so she doesn't need a car?

fairlygoodmother · 17/03/2023 17:35

The bay area is in the top three most expensive areas to live in the whole country. Does your daughter understand how difficult it will be for her to build a life for herself there? I understand her reluctance to move away from her home and friends but I think you should encourage your daughter more to move with you and start out her career in Las Vegas.

Unfortunately even if you pay her rent for a year in the bay area, she's realistically unlikely to be paid enough to live comfortably there in a year's time, so you will just have set her up to run into problems when it's harder to reestablish herself somewhere else. Right now she has the flexibility to go anywhere.

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 17:35

@Nandocushion I worry she can't make it, too. Renting a room looks like around $1500 a month. There were places with bunk beds in the bedroom, but they were still $1100 a month, though those places include utilities and communal groceries. I want to cosign a lease for a year and then provide the money to cover that rent. At first I thought I'd say she could move in with us after a year if she still couldn't afford rent after a year, but now I'm not sure if that's too controlling and I should help longer. The internship we're hoping she gets is remote. So she may be able to get by without a car for awhile.

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Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 17:58

@fairlygoodmother I don't think she understands how difficult it's going to be for her to build a life for herself here. I can encourage her more to move with us, but I don't have a lot of confidence that I'll be successful.

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SeasonsBleatings · 17/03/2023 18:02

I can understand your dilemma. In your situation I'd be tempted to help for a year to ease the blow. Are you working currently? Would that be an option if you want to help but worry about being stretched?

Nandocushion · 17/03/2023 18:07

Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 17:58

@fairlygoodmother I don't think she understands how difficult it's going to be for her to build a life for herself here. I can encourage her more to move with us, but I don't have a lot of confidence that I'll be successful.

TBH OP if you're willing to fund her very unrealistic choices indefinitely then you're very unlikely to be successful to convince her to move. But as an adult she will find that choices are much easier to make if she has to fund them herself. I understand you feel guilty due to the speed of the move but actually I'd probably offer to stump her a certain amount per month, less than her rent so maybe $500, and let her see how well she can afford to live with her choices.

CC4712 · 17/03/2023 20:59

AliceOlive · 17/03/2023 00:37

Oh, and don’t publicize what you do for each of your children to the others. They are unique individuals and you don’t have to spend exactly the same in order to treat them all well. They will all have different needs.

This sounds like some family members I've heard. 'Oh, Jane has worked so hard on her career, works all hours, has a good job, has the big house etc, and therefore doesn't need any money, help or support from us'

'But poor Jimmy, he left school, didn't finish his exclusive course we paid for, only works a whole 4hrs a week (if at all), has no additional learning needs, was sent to the same school at Jane, but takes all our handouts and therefore doesn't need to work hard. '

The disparity of these scenarios is my life and your comments @AliceOlive make be wonder why you feel its ok to treat children differently financially?

CovertImage · 17/03/2023 21:16

This seems a very odd thread for someone who will be on the equivalent of £10K monthly (FFS), with rent of around £1.8K. It kind of sounds like you can subsidise your daughter to a generous extent or not, whichever you decide.

If she'll be earning $3.3K and her rent is around $1K that 's also very reasonable. My rent's a third of my salary - it's perfectly normal

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 21:56

@CovertImage Thanks. It's good to hear we should be able to afford it. We don't have much in savings and we're behind on retirement, and we have nothing saved for the younger kids' education, so I think I was thinking in today's numbers instead of future numbers.

I hadn't thought the money she could make would be enough. She'll have a student loan payment of $300 a month (we paid for everything else), and she'll probably need to get a car. Then there's insurance on the car. It all keeps adding up when I think of it.

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AliceOlive · 17/03/2023 22:33

CC4712 · 17/03/2023 20:59

This sounds like some family members I've heard. 'Oh, Jane has worked so hard on her career, works all hours, has a good job, has the big house etc, and therefore doesn't need any money, help or support from us'

'But poor Jimmy, he left school, didn't finish his exclusive course we paid for, only works a whole 4hrs a week (if at all), has no additional learning needs, was sent to the same school at Jane, but takes all our handouts and therefore doesn't need to work hard. '

The disparity of these scenarios is my life and your comments @AliceOlive make be wonder why you feel its ok to treat children differently financially?

Show quote history

I am the child that didn’t need as much as the others.

I am also the one that felt least entitled to any of my parents money.

AliceOlive · 17/03/2023 22:33

And in case it wasn’t obvious, I also have been given the least.

Nandocushion · 18/03/2023 04:03

CovertImage · 17/03/2023 21:16

This seems a very odd thread for someone who will be on the equivalent of £10K monthly (FFS), with rent of around £1.8K. It kind of sounds like you can subsidise your daughter to a generous extent or not, whichever you decide.

If she'll be earning $3.3K and her rent is around $1K that 's also very reasonable. My rent's a third of my salary - it's perfectly normal

Have you actually done any maths here at all? Did you notice the part where OP says "We don't have much in savings and we're behind on retirement, and we have nothing saved for the younger kids' education, so I think I was thinking in today's numbers instead of future numbers" and also says that doesn't include her DD's food, car, insurance, any other bills, and they have three more children?

WalkingThroughTreacle · 18/03/2023 04:41

Mastmw7g · 17/03/2023 17:35

@Nandocushion I worry she can't make it, too. Renting a room looks like around $1500 a month. There were places with bunk beds in the bedroom, but they were still $1100 a month, though those places include utilities and communal groceries. I want to cosign a lease for a year and then provide the money to cover that rent. At first I thought I'd say she could move in with us after a year if she still couldn't afford rent after a year, but now I'm not sure if that's too controlling and I should help longer. The internship we're hoping she gets is remote. So she may be able to get by without a car for awhile.

If the internship is remote then she can do it from your home in LV surely? You need to draw the line between providing reasonable support for an adult child and spoiling them. Assuming she does get that internship, she doesn't need to stay in the bay area, she just wants to.

Your single biggest concern as far as I can see should be the currently poor state of your retirement planning. Remediating that should be your focus, not pandering to the wants of an adult child.

ComeOnYouSummer · 18/03/2023 14:50

Could you pay half?

Nandocushion · 18/03/2023 18:47

@CovertImage my apologies. It was me who wasn't reading correctly and I didn't notice that the OP post I was quoting was actually answering you, so you wouldn't have read it already.

strawberry2017 · 18/03/2023 19:25

Your not going to be able to subsidise her forever and i think maybe she needs to think seriously about living in such an expensive area.
Will her wage change massively after a year? If not then what?

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 18/03/2023 20:51

@strawberry2017 You're right that we can't subsidise her forever, but I feel like we didn't give her many choices by springing this on her three months before she leaves university. It was always the plan for her to come home and start earning while living here. Now we've taken that plan away.

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