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Original poster

Only speaks about money and calculates everything

37 replies

bookmarkwindow · 28/02/2023 09:23

Leaving this story here in a nutshell to see what others think. My partner is nearly 60 and still works in a very well paid job. I work in a low paid job and am in a process of changing career through new qualification. I am over a decade his junior. He only speaks about money and calculates everything even the price of a dinner we have at home in the evening. He will calculate how much the pasta or rice portion cost on our plate, divides the price of everything, it is pathetic yet he will go and spend thousands on another watch and the following day moan he has all these loans and a mortgage to pay. We do not own a property together. I refused. I wanted to keep everything separate and not consolidate as I have no children and he has children and grandchildren. He was insisting on getting married, I did not want to. The whole story with him and money is very confusing for me. He would moan about prices of everything yet book up a holiday with his male friends. We have not been anywhere on holiday together for 6 years. We do not go out, do not enjoy anything. He moans about everything - money, people, jobs, traffic, me. We do not speak about anything intellectual or arty, uplifting because if the topic is not money he gets bored instantly. We have not been intimate for 3 years now and he treats me with more and more disrespect. I noticed that his attitude towards me now is such that because I do not earn a lot and there is a financial disparity between us, I must make up for it by being his servant. When I ask him to help me with little jobs around the house there is always a lot of puffing and punting and he starts an argument. I become to realise that perhaps because I do not earn a lot of money I am no use to him, he sees me as a less of a person and discards me. I wonder if others here know of similar situations. What would you do? Why are some men like this? What is truly behind such behaviour?

OP posts:
useitorlose · 28/02/2023 09:26

LTB. What are you gaining from him?

Bunnyishotandcross · 28/02/2023 09:29

Omg op ltb. Why stay?? Really why?

Binfluencer · 28/02/2023 09:30

Can you afford to leave him? You'd be so much happier without this dead weight

Original poster
bookmarkwindow · 28/02/2023 09:33

@Binfluencer no, not atm.

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 28/02/2023 09:33

I think this should be in relationships section, but personally it doesn’t sound like you are enjoying this relationship with partner. Life’s too short to be with someone you are not happy with.

Binfluencer · 28/02/2023 09:51

@bookmarkwindow

What would need to happen so you could leave?

Do you want to leave?

BlooDeBloop · 28/02/2023 10:01

I know of similar men. It comes from a childhood where there was either scarcity or money was used as a power weapon against the child. However, your partner is now 60. Old enough to steer his own ship. Seeing the value of everything in pure monetary terms is clearly damaging to all concerned as you are discovering. It is equally damaging to him. These people have empty inner lives, no value you see in nourishing the spirit. Outsiders get bored eventually and leave them. They are pitiable. At his age, he is unlikely to change in any meaningful way.

The question is whether you accept this deal as it is, or you leave. There is no other route, I'm sorry to say. But knowing what you know, to continue with him would be a kind of self abuse. I don't know you but you seem like a normal caring person. You don't deserve this life.

Laurdo · 28/02/2023 10:07

You definitely made the right choice not to marry him or share finances. Will make the split a lot cleaner.

What exactly are you getting from this relationship? If you can even call it that.

Guiltypleasures001 · 28/02/2023 10:07

Have you posted about him before op?

JE17 · 28/02/2023 10:12

He sounds awful from your post. Does he have any redeeming features?

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 28/02/2023 10:13

Your relationship is transactional, not loving, find a way to LTB. you sound like his bullied carer

Whataretheodds · 28/02/2023 10:16

So did you get married? If so how long ago?

Do you live together in his house?

Bananalanacake · 28/02/2023 10:16

I don't understand why he wants to get married, as you would be entitled to half of his assets and he sounds like the type who won't share his money, I don't see what's in it for him.

Bunnyishotandcross · 28/02/2023 10:21

Maybe he thinks op has savings squirreled away? Maybe he wants to be sure of a free carer in the future?

Original poster
bookmarkwindow · 28/02/2023 10:26

@Bananalanacake I think it is also about my assets. I got asked already if I am planning to leave a will. I found it strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
bookmarkwindow · 28/02/2023 10:29

@Bunnyishotandcross I have and he knows I have. You are right the free carer option sounds plausible but I am about to enter new career so not planning to be a carer anytime soon. Maybe I am missing something here hence it is good to read what others like you think. Like the brain storming.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 28/02/2023 10:35

Why the hell are you still with him?

Lemondrizzle20 · 28/02/2023 10:44

What a joyless existence. Your miser "partner" does know he can't take it with him when he goes, right??

If you're ten years younger than he is that means that unless you pluck up the courage to leave him you could have another 20 or 30 years of this ahead of you at this rate. Is that REALLY what you want to look back on when you're at the end of your life?? What on earth did you see in him? You deserve so much better.

Xrays · 28/02/2023 10:56

Why are you wasting your life like this? 😳

TheFretfulPorpentine · 28/02/2023 11:14

He sounds mean and incredibly boring. Why can't you leave him? Presumably you managed ok before you met him?

Ihadenough22 · 28/02/2023 11:18

He has a good income but complains about the price of everything. It his choice to take on a big mortgage, to have loans say for a nice car and to go on expensive holidays with his friends.
He likes to have a flash lifestyle but that costs money.
Meanwhile you and him have been a couple for 6 years. He never brings you out for a meal and instead works out the cost of the meal you eat with him. You never go on holidays or do things as a couple. He just does not want to spend money on you but is happy for you to do things for him.

Along with this he is now say 60/61. He wanted you to combine finances which you refused to do. He asked you about your will which by the way is none of his business.
He asked you to marry him but you declined the offer.

You have told us that your about 10 years younger than him and about to change career so you will be earning more money then. My feeling is that in a few years time he will get to retirement age and he might not have a great pension to fund his current lifestyle.
Or maybe he realises that long term his care could eat into his pension/savings.
As I saw online recently some men get to a certain age and they want a purse or a nurse.
They want a woman with money to sub them and their lifestyle. Or they want a woman to look after them as they get older.

I think that you seen what this man is really like. You so called relationship is all about what you can do for him. He is making no effort for you. At least you have realised what he is like.
I tell him that it's over as your going to very busy with your new job soon.
I would not be staying with him just to end funding his lifestyle or to become his career in the future.

AdoraBell · 28/02/2023 16:26

Improve your income- for your own benefit- once you have the qualifications, save as much as possible and make plans to move. Look around for mortgage/rent options and leave him to calculate the cost of his own meal, down to each grain of rice if he wants to.

LadyEloise1 · 28/02/2023 16:37

Xrays · 28/02/2023 10:56

Why are you wasting your life like this? 😳

This !!!

MayhemMostly · 28/02/2023 16:44

Run run run! He's not worth your time anymore.

whattodo1975 · 28/02/2023 16:50

So you are what, mid 40's, and with an old man who penny pinches and moans? Doesn't really sound like a whole lot of fun.

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