Distraught

[SpecialOct08]

My kids and I have had a really traumatic year… they witnessed their dad try to kill me with a knife and beat me unconscious. My DS is the one that actually saved me, he is only 11. I’ve gone back to work full time and haven’t always got enough money to cover bills, I’m in debt and can’t borrow any more due to my bad credit. I was expecting to be paid tomorrow but today I was told it’s not until next Friday and I haven’t bought my kids anything apart from a pair of socks and some bath toiletries. I haven’t stopped crying all day, I feel like a complete failure… my kids deserve to have a happy, magical and fun Christmas but I can’t give it to them.

Have you tried speaking with your HR, Payroll they may be able to give an advance? Was it a mix up with the date you'd thought payday would be? Anyone you could borrow some money, friends or family that can help? Also, Freecycle and Facebook community pages are worth checking and charity shops if you have time and any money at all. Are you okay for food? Also, to check if you have any supermarket points, nectar, clubcard etc? Xx

Would you usually be paid next week and thought it was coming early or usually get paid on the 23rd and it’s been pushed back?

Is there anyone who could lend you a bit of money for a week?

I'm sorry to hear, how awful for you all. Know your doing a great job though and your best in such tough circs, your kids will know this and as long their safe and secure with you, that matters most, sending hugs

Have your work told you why you are not being paid tomorrow? If it is a problem with their end, they need to pay you something. Talk to them.

Thank you for your replies… 2 weeks ago we were told we would be paid the Friday before Christmas but today when I mentioned it I was told it’s now the usual pay day, last working day of the month. I have asked for an advance but they would not agree to it as we have been given tomorrow off as a ‘gift’. I have my auntie who is buying some food for us tomorrow, which I’m thankful for but comes with a lot of judgement and patronising lectures. I’m just heartbroken for my children and can’t see a way to better our lives, I work 45+ hours a week and we still don’t have any money. I have searched for free items on local groups but there’s nothing suitable. I’ve spent my Clubcard voucher on food and my nectar points on food too. My LO is so excited and I know she’s going to be so disappointed Christmas morning 😢

If you know what you'll get him say you're really sorry but it's stuck in the post and make him a lovely voucher for it

You are ok and safe. That will matter more to the kids than any amount of gifts. Have you been able to leave him?

Can you get together enough money to do them a stocking each? The bits you’ve got, a second hand book they’ll love each, some bits of chocolate, a game from the charity shop etc.

Then do them a card each with a promise in for their main present.

Is there anything free/cheap that they are desperate for? I remember one year about that age I got the promise of my ears pierced which I loved because I’d wanted it for about 5 years.

Or is there anything which they need anyway which you can make into a present they’ll love. Eg shopping spree day in a big town with x to spend each on clothes (on a date after pay day)

or a really cool day out/experience which they need not know you don’t actually buy until after you’re paid.

This bit is really hard but you will definitely get there. You’re doing amazing - keep on keeping on.

Is there a childrens centre in your area or a homestart. The volunteers there would help you. Sorry you are in this sutuation. Have you thought about posting anonymously on a local facebook sote.

Ring all the childrens charities you can find - national and local and just be totally upfront. I would be suprised if you weren’t offered some toys etc

Hi Everyone,

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

We can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

We always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong.

We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope things look a bit brighter for you soon

There are lots of places that will do everything they can to help- try your health visitor, Social worker (if you have one- no assumptions here, just thinking that you may have needed help to separate from your abusive ex), food bank.

Failing that, do you have any local Facebook groups that you are part of? I know that occasionally people post situations like this, and others are falling over themselves to help. I would be.

Good luck, and remember that the most amazing gift you are giving your children this year, is a safe and peaceful home life 💐

No worries - I completely understand

Thank you - I could do that, we have a working printer and paper so could print pictures of what I want to get them

Contact your local Salvation Army. And childrens centre it sure start centre.

Thank you so much… I will try and put together a stocking with little bits and vouchers for days out throughout the year, I can ask my auntie to buy some chocolate for them tomorrow.

I haven’t heard of homestart but will google now. I have thought about Facebook but where we live is relatively small so it wouldn’t really be something I’m comfortable with disclosing.

Make a big "recycle crafts" box and wrap it up. Environmentally friendly, big and free!

Put in wrappers, cartons, some tin foil, cereal boxes. Basically anything that you've got already and ask neighbours or friends.

You can make a sign for it free on Canva and print it out.

Ask at the foodbank as others have said and ask friends. Or put your town on here and maybe MNetters will have something. I know if you're in my town I'd deliver you something (but for obvious reasons won't post to a stranger!)

Thank you, I am thankful for the fact we are safe and they know how much I love them. The house is a lot more happy now he’s gone, despite the struggles and memories we have here. We do have a social worker but I’m scared of any negative effect it may have in court etc if she was to report the fact I struggle to buy food and the kids didn’t have presents for Christmas. I live in a relatively small area so if I posted on Facebook local groups, a lot of people would know it was me just from the circumstances.

Thank you, that’s a sweet idea, they do love arts and crafts. I will definitely be contacting the food bank for next week. I live close to Eastleigh in Hampshire.

I'm far away but hopefully someone in your town can help!

You can cut up old clothes to make a fabric crafting kit and then a recycling crafting kit and collect some stones and rocks for a rock painting kit.

Print out maps of places you can go geocaching with instructions on how to download the app and tie up like a scroll with ribbons.

Print out photographs of characters they like and put them in frames you already have.

Recipes and bundle the ingredients together for a baking kit.

Your social worker will know very sensitive information about you already. I would have thought that they would be best placed to help you at this moment. It is not your fault that you are not getting paid, when you expected it.

Those are really good ideas and fun we can all have together… thank you!!!

Did you ever have charity support, woman's aid etc? I've dropped off 4 boxes today to be given to families in need like yours.

The vouchers is a good idea though x

No, I wasn’t offered any of those services, I think they presume as I’m working that financially we’re ok. That’s so kind of you to do, I’m sure it will make such a difference 💖

I work in a food bank and we do kids presents. You can get referred by your social worker. She shouldn’t judge