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Original poster

I don't know how I can do it any more

27 replies

anyoneanyoneanyone · 08/12/2022 14:19

My partner was arrested and removed from the home when I gave birth to my premature baby. I'm still on universal credit and I know people think this is a cushy lifestyle but with running water and putting the heating on only for ten minutes the gas alone is £20 a week. We have just had flu. We sleep together and go to bed in the afternoon. We spend a lot of time in the library, out walking, in shops. We can eat, that's ok as I'm resourceful and I hardly eat anything as I have a poor appetite and I get £17 a month for the baby's milk. But I have chronic kidney failure, I am frequently Ill and have been hospitalised twice in the past few months. The dad is not good ...he works full time but still defaults on the tiny amount of child support...but his parents looked after my baby when I was in hospital. My parents are dead. I don't really want anything or know what to say but when it's cold and you're alone through no fault of your own it's shit. I have the library and the books and live in a good community. But what hope is there for my baby really when it's just me and her and every day is just depressing and i feel mg body is slowly fading away from lack of sleep or rest or fighting to keep warm.

OP posts:
Regretsandregrets · 08/12/2022 14:56

May God give you strength and bless you and your little one!

Putdownthecake · 08/12/2022 15:10

Hi op,
Contact you local welfare authority, lots of councils are doing grants which don't need paying back. Also consider contacting citizens advice as they'll be able to point you in right direction.
Do you have wifi, are you on a UC related tariff? Contact all your energy suppliers.
Can you switch bank accounts? Lots of banks offering good financial incentives to do so.
Electric throws are cheap to run and will warm you up if you have the means to get one.
Go through CMS if your children's dad is employed and hopefully payments might be more reliable
The fact you're worrying about being a good mum, means you already are one.

Original poster
anyoneanyoneanyone · 08/12/2022 16:28

I do have wifi but I got tied into a contact when the babies dad was here. I feel like I did really well being really strong everything over and being determined to survive on my own but I've hit a wall and the rising costs/Christmas...but particularly the energy bills (and I know this is a VERY common problem but we feel so cold and hopeless and stuck) I've managed to get my water bill down already as I'm on a meter and I don't flick the toilet, re-use water and bath together. If I have a shower ever I put the plug in the bath and the baby gets to bathe and play in the water.

I don't think people realise how little UC is. My rent is shocking. I really do not want to be a sob story. I really don't.

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 08/12/2022 16:35

Might be worth contacting citizens' advice and see if they can anything to help or put you in touch. Sounds like you are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances.

Quitelikeit · 08/12/2022 16:44

Health visitors often have food vouchers

also you can ring your gas supplier as they have a special fund to help those on universal credit

also go to food banks

ask your HV about mother and back grouos

also if you go to college full time you’ll get funding for nursery fees so win win, getting qualified in what you want to do and they also have a special fund so they could help if you join

Quitelikeit · 08/12/2022 16:44

And definitely look at your council they have all been given extra money to give out to the poorest families

Mrs1010 · 08/12/2022 16:48

Check whether your water company has a special rate for people on low income. My local company did and it was capped at £9 a month when I was entitled. Please check on your council website regarding household support grants as they cover a number of things including food, furniture etc. Some internet providers also have low tariffs for people on benefits, you should call them as see if you can be switched over.

Original poster
anyoneanyoneanyone · 08/12/2022 16:57

🙏 thank you 🙏...I'll loook at the council and my energy supplier is British Gas and have been as helpful as they can and I'm still able to pay by direct debit rather than a pre payment meter.
I've been through the CMS and he should be laying £120 a month but the last two months he hasn't paid 😡and he works a lot of cash in hand, he's very bad at managing his money or taking any responsibility.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 08/12/2022 17:36

Look at social tariffs with
•Water company
•Internet provider

See if you can get grants from your council for insulation.

Do a benefits check on entitledto website.

Original poster
anyoneanyoneanyone · 08/12/2022 20:25

Thank you

OP posts:
Orangesandlemons77 · 08/12/2022 21:10

I know someone who was prioritised for council housing (low rent) due to having a disability.

Maybe this would be worth looking into

Wizzelina · 09/12/2022 04:52

I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles and can’t offer much in the way of suggestions as others have already made them. However perhaps you could see if there is a local freecycle or Facebook page for items people are happy to donate and maybe ask on there for things like a spare duvet or blankets to help keep you both warm?

Caterina99 · 09/12/2022 08:54

If the baby’s grandparents looked after her when you were in hospital can you appeal to them for some support? Even if they can’t/you don’t want financial help, just some general support with babysitting and some cooked meals would be hugely helpful to your well-being

geraniumsandsunshine · 09/12/2022 10:22

Sounds like you are resourceful and intelligent. What were you doing before baby? Did you have a job you could go back to, if the grandparents could help with childcare? What do you get in total UC income and what are your outgoings? Wondering if you could find a cheaper part of the country to rent.

Original poster
anyoneanyoneanyone · 10/12/2022 07:43

Thank you. My life was not always like this, it fell apart after I had a nervous breakdown related to multiple traumas. I'm a survivor of domestic abuse which happened during the pregnancy and social services helped me get away. That's why my baby was very premature and in special care for a while. So I've also been suffering complex PTSD (I never realised how debilitating this could be and I am angry and ashamed that it happening) but have had the right support and am hopeful I will soon be well enough to work properly. At the moment it just feels like it's me and my daughter against the world.

The grandparents are my ex DPs parents and they're in their late 70s so regular childcare isn't really an option but they do want to be part of the babies life (ex lives with them). I'm in my 40s too.

I've managed to make some money selling things on vinted but that's a necessity and can't go on forever.

I've applied to the energy trust fund for help with my energy bill and am positive about what the outcome may be.

I like to write so maybe I can start again around my baby. The exhaustion of surviving and the traumas that still exist in my mind can be restrictive sometimes ☹️

OP posts:
Orangesandlemons77 · 10/12/2022 09:57

anyoneanyoneanyone · 10/12/2022 07:43

Thank you. My life was not always like this, it fell apart after I had a nervous breakdown related to multiple traumas. I'm a survivor of domestic abuse which happened during the pregnancy and social services helped me get away. That's why my baby was very premature and in special care for a while. So I've also been suffering complex PTSD (I never realised how debilitating this could be and I am angry and ashamed that it happening) but have had the right support and am hopeful I will soon be well enough to work properly. At the moment it just feels like it's me and my daughter against the world.

The grandparents are my ex DPs parents and they're in their late 70s so regular childcare isn't really an option but they do want to be part of the babies life (ex lives with them). I'm in my 40s too.

I've managed to make some money selling things on vinted but that's a necessity and can't go on forever.

I've applied to the energy trust fund for help with my energy bill and am positive about what the outcome may be.

I like to write so maybe I can start again around my baby. The exhaustion of surviving and the traumas that still exist in my mind can be restrictive sometimes ☹️

I hear you, that sounds very hard, well done for keeping going and I hope things look up soon Flowers

Original poster
anyoneanyoneanyone · 10/12/2022 17:24

Thank you @Orangesandlemons77 🙏💫🙏

OP posts:
4yearsandwaiting · 10/12/2022 17:34

With regards to social tariff WiFi I was able to swap to bts social tariff mid contract with bt, it was worth a phone call saved me £8 a month.
Also are you eligible for the priority lists for water, gas and electricity? That's also worth a phone call won't reduce your bills but if there are issues you'll be made a priority.
Are you eligible for pip? If you apply make sure you get advice as its often the way you write it that makes the difference.

Original poster
anyoneanyoneanyone · 10/12/2022 18:00

They told me I'm on the priority list for emergencies for energy as I have a baby but I don't know about the rest. What do I do to find out about the water etc? Do I send a letter/email?

I have never thought about PIP. I guess it's because I'm in denial and really really really just want to feel and be normal again. I don't have universal credit on my back at the moment because they know about the situation and I'm just relieved for that as there have been many times when I've been afraid to leave the house. And equally afraid to be in the house alone.

OP posts:
mommatoone · 10/12/2022 18:04

Op check with your service provider, theres a few that do cheap wifi if you are on certain benefits.

Please contact your water supplier. I got into a bit of debt with them, they asked me about benefits i was on etc. They were brilliant.

Contact British gas. Tell them your situation. I was like this a few years ago. They have an energy fund for situations like this. They can also help provide you with 'white goods' , fridge etc.

I have been in your situation, just me and my daughter. Its so bloody hard. You are doing a great job. Lots of luck x

Original poster
anyoneanyoneanyone · 10/12/2022 18:24

This is so wonderful to know this help is available! I need an afternoon calling around everyone. I can cut costs with food etc but when the bills alone come to 90 percent if your income it gets really tough.

As I said nobody wants or expects to be in this situation ever. My daughter didn't ask to be born into this. I can give her as much of myself as I can but when life wears you down and down you end up with little left. I'm just grateful to be waking up next to her in a peaceful home and cuddling each other to keep warm. And hopefully my resilience will teach her to be strong too.

OP posts:
Orangesandlemons77 · 10/12/2022 19:47

I would apply for PIP for your kidney condition, if yo have any admissions letters / medical letters use that, it might make a real difference, also see about if this makes you a priority for council accomodation.

TooHotToRamble · 10/12/2022 21:25

Are you on dialysis?

Original poster
anyoneanyoneanyone · 10/12/2022 22:25

I'm not on dialysis yet thankfully. The condition just means I get persistent Infections in the cysts in my kidneys.

OP posts:
Devakai · 10/12/2022 22:45

PMing you