I am divorced with one DC(3)
I've been talking to my ex husband about possibly trying again but after discussing money etc I've started to feel like maybe I will just end up getting used and would like some opinions. It could just be that I am being unreasonable in which case please put me right also.
My ex has been unemployed for a while so I have not been receiving any child maintenance from him and paying nursery fees, etc by myself. He has received a job offer for over £100k. I own a house (my name only) with a mortgage which I am paying.
I earn around £50k which means I can use the 30hrs free childcare, tax-free childcare and receive child benefit.
We've talked about living together again (he is abroad atm) in which case he would also bring his other child from prev relationship(16). This would be moving into the house that I own.
I agreed I would continue paying the mortgage as the house is effectively my asset and I do not plan on adding his name to it. But want to split bills 50/50 which he said was fair enough.
However I am aware if we got back together I would lose tax-free childcare, child benefit, and 30hrs would be reduced to 15.
In my mind I think he should pay the extra childcare costs that I would effectively lose by getting back with him. Because my salary has not changed and as he will earn double the amount of me he will have capacity to pay it.
He suggested we split these extra childcare costs 50/50.
I am stunned that he even suggested that to be honest and am now thinking whether he just wants to take me for a ride or our thinking is just too fundamentally different for it to work.
Considering he has not paid me anything or helped look after our child for a decent amount of time (he has been unemployed but he has decent savings and it was his choice to leave the country), it doesn't seem like he is grateful to me at all for holding all the responsibility.
I agreed to bills 50/50 even though his teenage son will also be living with us. because even though he is not my child, I should treat the children equally. I am on good terms with his mother but she will not be providing payments.
And for reference in the past when we rented together I was working full time, paying less than 50% but also doing 100% of housework/looking after our child.
One of the reasons we split was because I was absolutely exhausted from doing basically everything and he also said he was "losing out financially" by being with me. He has agreed to share household responsibilities 50/50 as well but I'm fearful he underestimates what 50% of that will be like.