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Help on how I can possibly manage on my own

46 replies

charlousser · 25/06/2022 16:48

DH and I have been going through a really rough time for a long while. Things got so messy now that neither of us sees a way this could possibly work. We are still very close and the split will be amicable however...I am worried about how I'm going to manage financially when on my own. I thought I'd turn to my fellow Mumsnetters for some advice. I'm sure there are people out there that have done it or are currently doing it alone. I work part-time and take home about £1330 in wages at the end of the month + child benefit which is £145 per month. I only work part time as I like to have 1 day in the week which I spent with my children when they're not at daycare. I may need to sacrifice this and change my contract to full-time which would get me roughly an extra £200 a month which would have to go towards childcare. We have 2 DC (4 and 1) which we already agreed we would share care for, so 3.5 days a week each. This would mean I would get no child maintenance. I would have to find my own place, ideally a house with a garden for the children and the cost of private renting at the moment is extremely high, there is no way I could afford that on my own with other bills on top plus food, clothes, etc. I have a car on finance which I pay £330 for and that's the one thing I would like to keep for myself if I could. I doubt I would get any help from UC due to the fact that I work and get more than minimum wage. I will also need to pay more towards childcare while I'm at work. I am so lost on what to do and where to turn to. There is no way I can afford all of this on my own and still be able to give my children nice things and days out to make memories. I really don't want to struggle to make ends meet. If you have been through this and had to do it on your own, how did you manage? Did you get any help at all?

OP posts:
Defiantlynot41 · 25/06/2022 16:54

Surely, if your DH has the children half the time, he will have to pay for any childcare costs during "his" days ie half the childcare costs?

charlousser · 25/06/2022 16:56

@Defiantlynot41 hi, yes this will be the case but Even then I am still looking at around £200 worth of childcare costs until my daughter goes to school in September 2023

OP posts:
charlousser · 25/06/2022 17:00

Would it be possible for me to get a place through housing association? I've never done anything like this, I have no idea who to turn to or if I will be accepted?

OP posts:
LilacPoppy · 25/06/2022 17:02

50/50 is not advisable for children research shows they need one stable primary residence.

starpatch · 25/06/2022 17:04

Of course you will get universal credit as you are only earning £1330 a month. The turn 2 us calculator will give you an idea, just put in some possible rents.

Afterfire · 25/06/2022 17:04

Have you tried the benefits calculator here? It’s anonymous and you can enter lots of different hypothetical scenarios to see what you could be entitled to-

benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

I am going to be honest - £330 a month on the car seems extortionate!! Is there any way to reduce this? Get a cheaper car?

leopardprintlindt · 25/06/2022 17:04

try looking on www.entitledto.co.uk or similar websites, I think you'll be surprised what you can claim as a working parent.

firsttimemumhere · 25/06/2022 17:05

I'd put your details into a benefit calculator as you may find you are entitled to UC. I earn similar to you and I get it as I'm a single mum. And they pay 85% of childcare costs if you are working. That's the only way I can work and I get no child maintenance and have my son 13 out of 14 nights. So you may be surprised.

FAQs · 25/06/2022 17:06

You’ll need to give the car up, I had to give up a career I loved and had worked hard towards when I become a lone parent, you’ll co-parent but you’ll need to be realistic.

Therealpink · 25/06/2022 17:07

LilacPoppy · 25/06/2022 17:02

50/50 is not advisable for children research shows they need one stable primary residence.

I think what’s worse for kids is custody mostly with mum, dad drops off a bit, dad gradually couldn’t be arsed paying decent maintenance and in the end mum and kids are in poverty. Rarely plays out differently except when dad steps up as an active parent from beginning.

firsttimemumhere · 25/06/2022 17:07

Ones like entitled.to or turn2us are good ones I think. You can also put in different amounts of rent, they won't pay all your rent depending on the maximum local housing cap is in your area but they should pay most of it.

onitlikeacarbonnet · 25/06/2022 17:07

You can apply for universal credit without being on NMW.
You may get some help towards your childcare costs too.
You may be better off staying part time so fill in the info for various options to see what works best for your family
Check out entitledto website for benefits info.

Sorry you’re dealing with this.

charlousser · 25/06/2022 17:10

Thanks all, I really appreciate it. I have already tried both of the benefits calculators mentioned on here but gave up when the results was that I would get about £1000 in UC. Surely that is not correct...I don't even think I would get £500, let alone a thousand!!

OP posts:
firsttimemumhere · 25/06/2022 17:11

Yep, about right based on my experience

firsttimemumhere · 25/06/2022 17:12

Mine varies due to childcare cost fluctuating but in that region.

firsttimemumhere · 25/06/2022 17:13

And I have only the one child. You'd get more as you have 2

charlousser · 25/06/2022 17:15

Okay, that's strange. That seems like a lot of extra money. I am not in or near London either.

OP posts:
firsttimemumhere · 25/06/2022 17:18

Neither am I

charlousser · 25/06/2022 17:20

@firsttimemumhere ahh okay! Do you get paid roughly the same as me?

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 25/06/2022 17:20

You will have to cut back unfortunately. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Being single is expensive you have to play the long game, life gets better but it's tricky to begin with.

When Dd was small I had a PAYG dumb phone, no Internet, no car. I was fortunate to be eligible for a council flat but I still had to go without those things even though the rent was low.

As DD got older and went to nursery I got a 16 hour a week termtime only admin job. When she went to school I changed roles internally to a 20 hr role and earnt more. I could then afford broadband and a smart phone.

I then changed employer to a different school as a TA more hours again term time only, studied a degree in the evening and bought a car. When I finished my degree DD had started high school, worked as an unqualified teacher during the end of my degree, decided teaching wasn't for me so I moved to a different employer which was a normal hours all year flexi admin role 3 days WFH, DD didn't mind being at home during the holidays and work up half way through my work day anyway and would be out with friends during the day or wed go out to the beach etc in the evening.

Each move I made had to be gradual, term time only roles during school hours as I couldn't afford childcare or used after hours childcare with 70% paid for by govt. You have to play the long game, all the moves had to work towards me being financially independent for when Dd finished education ie I couldn't stay in the TA role I loved as I couldn't afford to. Then they bought UC in I had to work towards that goal faster as I was on the old tax credit system and wouldn't be eligible under UC.

As far as DD knows she had a great childhood, we live by the beach so went often, we did lots of fun free things in the community, regular library visits for activities and to borrow books. We went on holiday but they were city breaks in the UK in a Premier Inn, London when Kids week was on so kids go free to theatre shows, Butlins during term time, Disney land in February etc. For birthdays I'd ask family for annual passes to various local attractions, our local paper does a token scheme for the nearby Sealife centre so you get access for a year for £10 and a couple of tokens. Instead of making lunch to eat at home make up a flask and pack lunch (or dinner) up and eat at the park, beach or woodlands. One winter we decided to visit every swimming pool in the cou ty during their fun session to see which one had the best one. These things all make for a cheap but great childhood.

charlousser · 25/06/2022 17:30

@Singleandproud yes I am aware of that. I am worried sick about what will be.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 25/06/2022 17:35

So the UC includes some housing benefit. Precisely so that you can manage!

You could go on a HA waiting list but I don't think you'd get anything any time soon.

Afterfire · 25/06/2022 17:36

charlousser · 25/06/2022 17:10

Thanks all, I really appreciate it. I have already tried both of the benefits calculators mentioned on here but gave up when the results was that I would get about £1000 in UC. Surely that is not correct...I don't even think I would get £500, let alone a thousand!!

That’s about right.

firsttimemumhere · 25/06/2022 17:51

charlousser · 25/06/2022 17:20

@firsttimemumhere ahh okay! Do you get paid roughly the same as me?

Roughly, not dissimilar, but as I said only one child. I won't say it is easy I have cut back on a lot but it helps so much.

Miajk · 25/06/2022 18:33

You'll have to work full time like most people do, and use weekends to spend time with your kids.

Your car cost is extortionate, can you swap for a cheaper option?

Renting is expensive but you need to stick with what you can afford. Do you have equity in current joint home?

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