Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

Split bills 50/50?

52 replies

Beachmumma · 13/06/2022 16:54

How do you guys split the household bills- rent/mortgage, food etc etc if you're other half earns so much more than you?
My BF ( together for 10 years) earns 5x my salary for the same hrs worked. We split everything 50/50. We never really talked about it and I guess at the start I thought it was fair to share. But now everything has gone up so much I'm literally left with nothing each month while he has tonnes ofspare cash. I know it sounds ungrateful and spoilt brat like , but it seriously getting me down. When he goes and does activiies or buys anything he wants and I can't even buy a new bra from primark without scraping coins together. He's not selfish or greedy and would probably feel terrible if he knew how i felt and its for that reason I can't seem to say anything. Why should he have to pay more. Or am I being a martyr? Do you guys split bills evenly when there's a big pay difference?

OP posts:
Ncwinc · 13/06/2022 16:56

’He's not selfish or greedy’

He earns 5x what you do and expects you to pay half? If he’s not selfish and greedy he’s an oblivious muppet.

Original poster
Beachmumma · 13/06/2022 16:57

He's oblivious that's for sure

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 13/06/2022 16:59

Do you have children?

Does he know how much you earn?

Tell him the truth about your finances. I would expect him to be horrified and to offer something like a prorata split based on your monthly incomes.

If he already knows you're on your uppers and/or thinks it's fair I would seriously think about my future with him. Effectively he's cocklodging - you're enabling him to have a much more cushy lifestyle than he'd have without your half.

Quitelikeit · 13/06/2022 17:00

I’m sure he realises that your salary doesn’t stretch very far.

honestly it’s time he paid a fairer share of the bills - maybe 70/30?

I couldn’t watch someone I loved go without basics such as bras etc

does he take you on holidays?

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 13/06/2022 17:02

FWIW when DH and I moved in together we agreed one pot for all income (I was earning more then) and equal monthly amounts to personal accounts for personal spending. We do have a specific arrangement for the house in case we split, as I put 80% in to it.

Noisyprat · 13/06/2022 17:04

I assume you live together, does the 50/50 extend to housework etc and I mean 50/50 not just him cooking once a week! Or does he conveniently not see/realise that either?

Quartz2208 · 13/06/2022 17:04

talk to him - and then see from there. Only you can make the first step and raise this

Original poster
Beachmumma · 13/06/2022 17:19

He has 2 children that we have every other weekend and school holidays. I do all the housework and cooking and he does the 'fix it' side of things. He does have it very cushy at home and I always pandered to ut because his work is physicly hard whereas mine is mentally challenging.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 13/06/2022 17:21

So you pay half, have a mentally challenging job and do 90% of the housework and I assume quite a lot of the childcare and he swans off spending all his money leaving you with hardly any

Yes you are being a martyr and pandering to a man who is clearly taking advantage

AubadeIsIt · 13/06/2022 17:26

This is so unfair.

lady725516 · 13/06/2022 17:28

My husband and I both put money into the joint account for household bills and food and we both have the same amount of money for our own spends.
He earns more so he puts in £1500 and I put in £600.

I would either suggest you both do this so you each have the same amount of money to spend on yourself or like pp has said put a % of your wages in each, him 65% and you 35%.

Who pays for his children's food/activities when they are with you?

Passthewinebottle · 13/06/2022 17:34

Massively unfair. Have the conversation.

When my ex earned double what I did, I paid a third & he paid two thirds of all bills.

GiltEdges · 13/06/2022 17:35

We pay (roughly proportionately to our salaries. DH earns roughly double what I do, so it works out that I pay 1/3 and he pays 2/3. His disposable income is still a lot higher than mine, but he puts a lot of it into our joint investment/savings accounts, so it evens out.

Most importantly, we had a discussion about all of this in detail before buying our first house together to make sure we were both happy.

Why did you accept the 50/50 split without ever questioning it OP?

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 13/06/2022 18:09

Its not even 50/50 because for about a week of each month his children are there and you are subsidising that. So more like you are paying 60 to his 40. I start finding someone who was using me like that very unattractive.

Original poster
Beachmumma · 13/06/2022 18:33

Yh I absolutely see how unfair it is . I never questioned it before because its only the last few years that things have changed. My wages havent changed but he has leap frogged up the management ladder at his job. He has been extremelyl fortunate.
I cook and clean for the kids too when they are here. I mean our food shopping ( which comes out of our joint money) is full of his specialist food and supplements because he plays various sports and weight lifting etc and then there is the stuff for the kids. So yes it's very very all about his needs. So why do I feel so ashamed/ guilty/ embarrassed having to ask for this?

OP posts:
Nap1983 · 13/06/2022 18:37

We don’t, he pays all the house bills from his salary, still leaves him more than I earn. I pay other stuff like DD clubs, dog walker. Whoever goes to shops pays. We really don’t see it as him paying though it’s all our money equally

Herbyhippo · 13/06/2022 18:42

If he is genuinely oblivious it’s very easy to fix. Tell him you are skint and you do 90% of the housework too. He will say sorry that’s unfair let’s change that and your problem will be solved. If the conversation doesn’t go that way then he isn’t oblivious he just likes his comfy, wealthy set up.

I earn significantly more than my other half, I am fully aware that him paying half would not be fair and cover most of the bills.

Quartz2208 · 13/06/2022 18:49

@Beachmumma perhaps because part of you recognises that there is no way he cant realise that he is taking advantage of you and it is all about his needs - and that you know full well that he isnt going to react well to this.

Because I dont think he is - and I think you know that. So you have to then come to terms with what that means as to where YOUR needs are on his priorities. Because his are certainly forced to be top of yours.

Do you have children of your own and is it rented/

Quartz2208 · 13/06/2022 18:50

So actually with food shopping etc for his children and supplements you are paying more than 50/50?

cottagegardenflower · 13/06/2022 18:58

You're being a mug and he's taking every advantage he can.

everythingelseisafacade · 13/06/2022 19:04

I earn a lot more than my DH and bills are split 50/50 (except childcare which is huge and more than his salary)....why.....because I've worked bloody hard in a high pressured challenging industry which I studied a long time for....he didn't. He enjoys the perks of my job in that I pay big repair bills, DIY and holidays. Why should he supplement your spending money? You aren't married? do you work as hard as him in the sense that your job is equally as stressful or requiring long studied for qualifications? No? Then why does life always have to be fair? Can you change jobs to earn more?

rookiemere · 13/06/2022 19:12

But at the minute @everythingelseisafacade she is subsiding his expensive food habits and his DCs on a lesser salary.

Original poster
Beachmumma · 13/06/2022 19:24

I did go to uni for my profession, he didn't. When we first met he was on a simlar wage to me. we work the same hrs. it's just that he is living proof it not what you know but who you know when it comes to working your way up the ladders. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely proud of his achievements but like I said, he has been extremely lucky. I completely understand how physically hard it is for him and I look after him bloody well at home. He wants for nothing and I know he appreciates that. Like I said, he is a lovely person in every other way and if inflation carries on as it is I will literally not be able to contribute 50%. I literally have nothing left to give. I am not a spender, never have been, but there are some necessary things a girl needs.

OP posts:
hearmywomanlyroar · 13/06/2022 19:30

As PP have said, you need to have the conversation. It's not just about the money but how he sees you and your relationship. Are you waiting for marriage and kids with him? Sorry to be brutal but the way he's carrying on at the moment I seriously doubt that's on the cards from his perspective. He's treating you like a housemate rather than a partner - a housemate who does all the cooking, cleaning and childcare!

Quartz2208 · 13/06/2022 19:58

As a minimum starting point if you do want it to still be as equal as possible

  1. His supplements etc come out of his budget - not the joint one.
  2. His children are HIS responsibility not yours.

The above too I reckon get it to 65/35 70/30 as a fair and even starting point. Start with that - you shouldnt feel guilty for pointing out that subsidising the above for him leaves you with nothing

So tell him that. And tell him how mentally stressfully your job is and how you need him to step up and do things.

Why are you prioritising him so much - this isnt a fair and equal relationship its one where you are in danger of losing yourself

Do you have/want your own children, do you own the house. Your life seems to be in stasis because of being so in thrall to him