Page 2 | Split bills 50/50?

washingwakeup · 13/06/2022 21:04

He has kids. That automatically means more food, more gas/electricity, and I presume at least one extra bedroom that otherwise wouldn't be required.

You're not responsible for any of that. Fine if you can afford it, and don't mind. Equally fine that you can't afford it and want to change the set up.

Starseeking · 13/06/2022 21:44

If he earns 5 x what you do, you should only be paying 17% of the bills at most.

When I was with my EXDP, I earned 2 x what he did, so I paid 67% of the bills, so that it was fairer. Even after that I still had £2k left over every month, while he had about £500. We just used to chuck anything spare into family savings.

Testina · 13/06/2022 23:27

“I do all the housework and cooking and he does the 'fix it' side of things.“

I don’t know about you, but in my house today both housework and cooking was needed… as usual… but I literally can’t tell you the last time we had to fix something - got to be months ago.

So that’s bullshit for a start.

Testina · 13/06/2022 23:36

It sounds like as a couple, you haven’t made the decision to marry and/or have children.
Therefore, there is an argument for 50:50 - but that doesn’t mean you have to agree it’s right for you.

But… as others have said, you’re not paying 50%.

As you’ve been together 10 years, his kids must be well into the “not cheap to feed” age.

Don’t kid yourself that he’s oblivious.
Sure, you might not stop to think just how much kids add, or your supplements - easy to realise they’re ££ but think, “oh probably balanced with her having fancier shampoos.” I think someone could be genuinely surprised at the different. But no way can you earn 5x your partner and be oblivious that they’re paying the same and earning less. More likely he thinks like me: 50/50 is one valid model. (though again: it’s not 50:50)

I would approach it without a suggested split. I’d simply go in with - my finances are too tight, I have paid 50/50 for your kids for years, and now that you’re earning far more than me it (a) is unfair and (b) is unaffordable, so I need to review how we split things with you.

If he kicks off, or does anything other than say yes, really - then he’s using you. No need to waste your time working out a fair split - he’s not worth it.

If he says you’re right… then you can start working out what’s fair.

I earn 4x my husband and have more outgoings (my children, not his) and I pay far more than him - so my money is where my mouth is!

mrsfollowill · 13/06/2022 23:50

You have been together 10 years and need to update. I typed out a long post and deleted it. You should be chucking everything into a joint account at this stage- no 'your money/his money' I've been together with DH for 28 yrs and this is what we have done for at least 26 years. Times I have earned more and times he has but it's all 'our money' . Get him to do some washing/ironing/cleaning as well. I did the lot for a long time as I worked less hours when DS was younger. An unexpected hospital stay for me made DH see what needs doing and he stepped it up as he had no choice.

Threetulips · 14/06/2022 00:00

Just do a list of expenses - everything

His kids take up more than 50% gas electric food housing no doubt treats and holidays -

How are holidays split?

He needs to pay more - or offer to downsize to something you can afford.

Pallisers · 14/06/2022 00:21

Look OP, this is monumentally unfair to you. You split everything 50/50 despite him having children staying over and despite you earning less. Maybe he is just oblivious as you say, but isn't it funny how oblivious works in his favour? Is he ever oblivious about putting more in the kitty or paying a bill? does he ever ask you if you need anything? Say thank you for minding his children?

You should sit down with him and tell him your financial situation (which in itself is a piece of shit after 10 years together - he should know it) and say that the financial arrangements will have to change so they aren't so massively in his favour. See how he reacts. If he thinks this is unfair to him then he is NOT a good guy and you should start your exit strategy immediately (and stop fussing over him and doing his parenting for him)

Tompariswasmyfavorite · 14/06/2022 00:32

Beachmumma · 13/06/2022 16:54

How do you guys split the household bills- rent/mortgage, food etc etc if you're other half earns so much more than you?
My BF ( together for 10 years) earns 5x my salary for the same hrs worked. We split everything 50/50. We never really talked about it and I guess at the start I thought it was fair to share. But now everything has gone up so much I'm literally left with nothing each month while he has tonnes ofspare cash. I know it sounds ungrateful and spoilt brat like , but it seriously getting me down. When he goes and does activiies or buys anything he wants and I can't even buy a new bra from primark without scraping coins together. He's not selfish or greedy and would probably feel terrible if he knew how i felt and its for that reason I can't seem to say anything. Why should he have to pay more. Or am I being a martyr? Do you guys split bills evenly when there's a big pay difference?

The problem I see when I read these threads is that the couples on 50/50 often have the expenses dictated by the higher earner, whilst the lower earner is struggling to keep up or even going into debt

I personally couldnt do 50/50 because I want mysekf and my dh to be equals in our marriage, so equal spending money equal chores etc (within reason, if he works away for a week im not leaving the washing piled up for him) sometimes ive been the higher earner sometimes he has so its benefitted us both

But if you dont want to go to equal spending money etc then you need to be blunt and tell him you cannot afford 50% of your lifestyle and he either needs to lower his lifestyle to meet your income, or if hes not willing to do that he needs to pay more money in. At the very least you should not be subsidising his kids

Its amazing how men who think bills should be 50/50 regardless of income never have the same approach to housework, so what if his job is more physical 50/50 works both ways doesnt it?

Ponderingwindow · 14/06/2022 00:38

Tompariswasmyfavorite · 14/06/2022 00:32

The problem I see when I read these threads is that the couples on 50/50 often have the expenses dictated by the higher earner, whilst the lower earner is struggling to keep up or even going into debt

I personally couldnt do 50/50 because I want mysekf and my dh to be equals in our marriage, so equal spending money equal chores etc (within reason, if he works away for a week im not leaving the washing piled up for him) sometimes ive been the higher earner sometimes he has so its benefitted us both

But if you dont want to go to equal spending money etc then you need to be blunt and tell him you cannot afford 50% of your lifestyle and he either needs to lower his lifestyle to meet your income, or if hes not willing to do that he needs to pay more money in. At the very least you should not be subsidising his kids

Its amazing how men who think bills should be 50/50 regardless of income never have the same approach to housework, so what if his job is more physical 50/50 works both ways doesnt it?

Show quote history

This is so true.

I lived with someone, we split for houses logistics, and then we lived together again. The second time I was much wiser and said we could run a household that fit my budget or we could merge finances, but I wasn’t going to try to stretch my finances.

op, you are paying for his children. This is crazy.

swifty1974 · 14/06/2022 07:28

Since the early days of our relationship we have supported each other at one time or another. We have never had a joint account, nor do we split the bills. Whatever money we have is all our money. Whoever opens the bill first pays it. It doesnt really matter because everything we have is ours.

swifty1974 · 14/06/2022 07:30

Surely if youre in it together then you should share evrything as youre a team. If the team earns more great....it really doesnt matter who earns what as long as youre both doing your bit does it?

Noisyprat · 14/06/2022 07:48

Well what a great life he has! Another man who not only doesn't pay his way but has a woman to clean up and run around after him and his kids!

Where's his respect for you? It doesn't matter how 'hard' his job is they are his children. Yet another woman who is enabling this, you have brought this on yourself OP, you are being a doormat.

He's a lovely person? If he did he would not treat you as home help and expect you to pay!

rookiemere · 14/06/2022 08:51

Have you spoken to him yet OP?
I'd say something like "I've noticed with the increase in costs I've got no money for anything like replacing socks with holes in them, left at the end of the month and prices are still going up.
I'd like us to revisit our 50/50 arrangement as I cannot afford to put 50% towards expensive food or paying extra for the SDCs food costs any more. The only way 50/50 could possibly work is if we start to get everything from Aldi or Lidl and cut out any of the branded things.
I love you and feel awkward saying this but I hope you understand where I'm coming from.
I think it would be fairer if you pay for things like x separately ."

cockadooodledoo · 14/06/2022 08:56

After ten years and living together I think separate finances is ridiculous.

It should go into one pot, all bills paid out of it, all expenses like food shop, petrol etc paid out of it, an equal amount of money for individual spending then the rest goes to a savings or rainy day account.

cockadooodledoo · 14/06/2022 08:57

And he is most definitely greedy and selfish, or at absolute best, thick and thoughtless.

cockadooodledoo · 14/06/2022 08:58

I'm a stay at home parent and my only income as an individual is child benefit, DLA (for my child) and carers allowance.

His salary means I/we don't receive any other benefits.

Everything goes into one pot and we work as a team.

swifty1974 · 14/06/2022 09:06

completely agree.....all in one pot....whats mine is yours etc etc

JaneIsInsane · 14/06/2022 09:14

OP, do you want to have children? Because if you do and this isn’t sorted beforehand you’ll end up where he expects you to pay for all the child related stuff too.

Youve been in this situation for 10yrs. The talk must happen now and it cannot just be that he chucks a few extra pounds in the kitty each month. You need a joint finance arrangement. Is the house owned by both of you? Because I really hope you haven’t been living like this for 10yrs, paying half towards a house in his name when you aren’t married.

I can’t believe what an easy life you provide for him whilst being unable to buy yourself a new bra from Primark. Unbloodybelievable!

JaneIsInsane · 14/06/2022 09:16

Just to add, my husband earns 5 x what I earn and has never questioned the ‘one pot’ for finances. We’ve been doing it since we moved in together, well before we got married and had children.

eurochick · 14/06/2022 10:30

So you are subsidising him as his special food and children add to your household costs. This is crazy!

We've always split joint and household expenses according to salary which means so far I have been the one paying more. But I'm also the one left with more. You should be paying 16.7% of household costs on this basis.

Testina · 14/06/2022 16:44

swifty1974 · 14/06/2022 07:30

Surely if youre in it together then you should share evrything as youre a team. If the team earns more great....it really doesnt matter who earns what as long as youre both doing your bit does it?

I don’t think it’s that simple second time around, and we know this man has children.

I earn 4x my second husband. I have a child, his are working adults.

I’m simply not going to just give him some of my money, when I want to - for example - save a large amount of it for my child (and frankly - spend loads on them! Activities and the like).

This works fine for us because we discussed it before he moved in, and before we married. He has less disposal income than me after bills, yes. I don’t flaunt that or stretch him to keep up with - a lot I save for our retirement, for my child, or even spend on him. I pay for holidays, for example.

But though he has less than me, he’s still £500 better off a month since he moved in - he pays no bills.

Financially we are not one team. But we are open, honest, generous with each other… and in agreement.

Discovereads · 14/06/2022 16:53

Just have the conversation about changing the 50/50 to something updated and fairer given the fact he now earns 5x what you do. It’s very common for couples in long term relationships to have to adjust things as they go. It’s unrealistic to expect any division of bills or chores to stay the same for years and years.

wednesday32 · 15/06/2022 11:42

to pay 50/50 is not fair, on either of you. you should be paying in equal percentage based on your income.

averythinline · 15/06/2022 12:27

Do you own/rent the property. .
How is that worked out....
You seem very financially vulnerable here.....i assume you're not married as you say dp...

I dont believe hes oblivious....he really suits him to not think about this so why would he....he is completely taking the piss but you are letting him

What do you want in your life? It seems to be very focused on his needs where are yours?

Why are you looking after his dc?

You need to look after yourself...no one else is going to..

Bollindger · 17/06/2022 11:11

You tell him, that you can't afford it.
You need a 1 bed for 2 people so he needs to pay the extra to house his children.
He uses more of everything.
Tell him how much you need extra a month for the budget. It might be better to say look I need a refund of £250 A month, as I can't afford knickers.