CCJ & renting

[PointlessNow]

I don't think there's any advice out there for me but might as well ask.

I'm in a very dark place. I wasn't sure weather to post this here or mental health. I just don't see the point in trying any more.

My partner left 5 years ago & I found out about debts he had in my name that I wasn't aware about, bills that were in my name that as far as I was aware were all paid off (but weren't) things like that, through various phonecalls from various debt companies.

Sometimes I set up payment planes, made payments, then didn't pay. (I can't afford it.)
Sometimes I ignored them.

Then I got a letter saying I had 14 days to stop a CCJ. I left it a few days then contacted CAB who took a while to get back to me. I did nothing & waited for CAB. Too late. CCJ now can't be removed.

It's all my fault.

I'm not working, I'm on Universal credit, nobody is going to rent to me with this CCJ are they.

What's the point? I can't manage decent housing for my family. I've messed everything up. My ex is happy & moved on & I'm stuck. Just stuck. I can't get out of this hell hole & he will always win. He will win for the next 6 years while this CCJ sits on my credit record.

There is no point in me bothering anymore, is there? What is the point? All I wanted was to move so my children could have a bedroom each & I've fucked that up as well as everything else.

Before I met him I never paid a bill late. Perfect credit. Now I've fucked it all up. I don't deserve my children.

Please speak to someone in real life that can help. A debt charity for those issues and your GP for your feelings maybe. Do you have friends or family that could advocate for you? If you didn't know about the loans etc they've been taken out fraudulently, maybe you could seek advice about that? Report it to the police and see if you are actually responsible for the debt.

You can rent with a CCJ if you have a guarantor willing to help. That's what i did. I've been in my property 3 years now. You would also be entitled to the housing benefit element of universal credit.
Please also apply for child maintenance too.
The council should house you as a priority also as you have children.

Please ring stepchange. I understand the panic and helplessness debt causes, especially when it's someone else's doing. They're really good, they'll talk through it all and help you find a way out of it.

Thank you both.

Sorry I don't think I made much sense, I'm in a rented house now & have been for 10 years, it's small but it's ok.
The children deserve better.
I get the housing benefit element now.

I don't have anybody at all who could be a guarantor.

There is no help out there for me now. CAB said I will have to pay it & that's that. They got a hold of 2 months put on it for me but I'm not sure how that was supposed to help really. They contacted me saying the 2 months is up & have I got my credit report like I said I would? I havn't. What's the point.

I am responsible because it's in my name. They just got in with the CCJ within in 6 years I think (6 years until they can be written off I think?) Some of them were in joint names but they wouldn't chase my ex. I had all these phonecalls & letters while I was trying to make things better for myself & my kids & I just didn't know what to do so ignored them

Sometimes I asked my ex & he said it's not his problem/if I ignore them they will stop/use the maintenance to pay (he does pay but it's less than what he should)

I spoke to a local charity before who just wanted to set up endless payment plans & it's confusing so I stopped talking to him.

This whole mess is my fault

sleighbells Thank you, but I can't. Everybody keeps making me go through my monthly bills & making it completely clear to me that I have nothing, & then they are off the phone & I'm left all alone knowing how shit I am

The house I'm in now has multiple issues that are never properly sorted & the letting agents, the main manager is nice & he reasured me that the house was 'mine' when my ex was trying to claim it... But I'm not allowed to deal with him, I have to deal with the woman who works under him & she is very, VERY blunt & to the point. She's always complaining to me & makes me feel like everything I do is wrong. I can't ask for anything without being 'told off' by her...

(Eg I got told off by her for contacting the man who services the boiler when we had no heating or hot water & it was freezing & the letting agents weren't answering)
I didn't tell him to come & fix it (I wouldn't!) I just asked if there was anything I could try myself, & I get nasty emails from her the next day saying she sorts the repairs & if I do it again then I'll have to pay. I'm not sure exactly what I 'did' apart from send him a text.

I just need to get out of this house, having to deal with that woman isn't helping me at all. It's still mine & my ex's house in my head & heart. I was slowly getting some things from charity shops so that they were 'mine' & my ex can't keep telling me that he bought everything in the house... Then I wanted to move & now I can't because of this CCJ.

I've messed up my life so badly. I don't even know who I am anymore

Hello OP,
We just wanted to say how very sorry we are and to let you know about Gingerbread which is a great website for financial advice, and Mind which has some really good information about money and mental health. There is also this good resource from Mumsnet.
Wishing you the very best,
MNHQ

Thank you *@PipMumsnet
Sorry if I've upset anybody with this thread.

You may still be able to find a landlord who will rent to you with a CCJ. I rent out one property and a previous tenant had a CCJ. She had the income to pay the rent so we let the property to her. Unfortunately we were stung by that decision as she paid one months rent then nothing else until we evicted her, but there are landlords - like I was - who will rent to people with a CCJ. The only frustration is that some folk ruin it for the rest because now there is no way I'd take the risk again since it costs us money and stress. But there is always a route forward. It feels hopeless but it isn't, and in the future this will be behind you.

Thank you for telling me that SweetPetrichor You sound like one of the good ones!
Sorry it ended badly for you.

I don't have anybody to talk to about this in RL. I talk to my mum (minimally as I don't want to worry her) & she will say things like 'So & so had terrible credit & managed to rent' but when I ask who through she doesn't know.

I got myself all in a panic when I had to go on benefits when my ex left as its stated in my rental agreement here that benefits aren't allowed, but they were fine with it.
I've been paying from benefits for 5 years by myself & never missed/late with a payment but people won't care about that will they, they will only care about the CCJ

Everything just feels so hopeless right now. I honestly can't see a day when all of this will be behind me. Everything is so, so bleak.

I've been there, it's really, really tough (still am there in lots of respects!). The best thing I took away from them was that they couldn't help me with the bailiffs knocking on the door but gave me tips to deal with it. Also paying a £1 standing order monthly if affordable showed that I was willing to pay something rather than that I didn't want to. If it went to court again that would go in my favour and help them to work with me. Especially having the i&o to prove there was nothing left in the bank. They can't have what isn't there.

I don't know if that helps at all for you but keep posting and I'm sure there are plenty of knowledgeable posters who can help or advise.

Thank you Sleighbells I hope things continue to get better for you & thank you for sharing that. You are right of course.

I've got an old blanket sellotaped up covering the window on the door & have been through the whole 'Everybody quiet when there's a knock on the door' thing with the kids... They seem to of stopped knocking for a while but what kind of life is that for my kids

I never seem to get offered to pay £1, I get offered £10/£20 each time, by each company

The man who I spoke to at CAB was telling me about a family member of his who left a load of debt & how much of a nightmare it was for them to sort once they passed away... I know if I wasn't here anymore then my family would have to sort things but they will be happier in the long run as I won't be around to mess everything up anymore & my kids can have a decent life with somebody who is more capable than I am

I was never offered, I just paid £1 to the bank details on the letter. If I'd had a conversation where I'd made I clear that I couldn't afford their amount it felt like better than nothing. When you're back on your feet you can pay more but paying for food etc is more important right now.

Nobody will be better off without you. I promise you. I know it's massively daunting but things can and will get better. You need to make a plan. While the housing situation sounds less than ideal, you do at least have a roof over your head in the meantime. Focus on getting a hold of your debts and payments and that will be a huge weight off your shoulders. Maybe speak to your GP about your MH and the stress that you're under too.

Start small, get your I&O updated and take it from there. You've got this.

No, no. You are not a bad person or a bad parent or anything you are thinking.

You need to strategise and stop catastrophising.

I have so many questions, you are all in a muddle.

Are you renting now?

Have you put yourself on the housing list? Are your children at the age the council needs to offer their own rooms? Because if so, you are overcrowded and should get good priority.

Your debts can all be sorted, and being on a benefit is the very best time to sort them. I went to a church debt help group and they wrote to my debtors.

Basically you offer token payments to some, £1/month - ones that you can put to the back. So you will need to prioritise your debts. The person or place who got the CCJ may not get an enforcement order, especially as you do not own your home - again, you are in a good position not owning a home as there is very little they can do to you for non-payment.

You need to play the system here, which means getting all the help you can because of your status as a single parent on benefits. This is the BEST situation to be in whilst in debt because you are in a good position if you play your cards right to get a LOT of decent help.

Nothing like stepchange, only local organisations who will write for you.

They will ask for income and expenditure which includes all your expenses like clothing, school costs, food, nappies etc. etc. You can show a deficit or you can show very little to spare and you can get debts written off, part paid, and get decent payment plans.

You need to sit down and work out your plan. It will look something like this.

Priorities:

Housing - number one
Current bills
Debts

Then expand

Housing (which you are dealing with first)

get on housing list
meet with housing officer
contact local MP for help

etc. etc.

Current Bills
pay as they come in

Debts
prioritise them

a plan to pay each one, including visiting debt help.

Don't worry. You can totally get out of this type of situation. But feeling like you're a failure is just pointless and you don't have the option to give up because of your children. You just need to take it one day at a time, make a plan, and implement the plan. You are not in a unique situation. You are not a failure. You are just having a life experience.

Sorry, they wrote to my creditors.

I paid £1 a month to some debts and now in a position to start properly paying them off. But this stopped the interest and gave me lots of time.

Any commercial debt will ask whether covid made things harder and you say yes, then they give you breathing space and interest freezes.

Type into Google 'your area + free debt help church' and find a local debt help place and go there and get them to act on your behalf and you will have your token offers accepted.

Really good advice! (far better than mine 😂)

Also, be honest about your MH. I have told all the companies about my anxiety. I've been really honest that if my phone rings and it's a number I don't recognise it won't be answered, sending an email or text will get a response. Not feeling hounded by phone has made things feel a lot easier.

andtheycalledthewindmoriah

I don't imagine it is a unique situation at all & I never said it was. I imagine men do this to the mothers of their children then fuck off all the time, just because they can.

I don't know if I'm catastrophising, it's just how my thoughts are.

We are renting now.

Feeling like a failure might be 'pointless' but it's how I feel.

And I DO have the option to give up when my children will be better off without me. Which they will.

That's Sleighbells your posts are helpful. I know I'm not allowed to feel overwhelmed because I have the kids. But I do.

Of course you're allowed to feel overwhelmed. It's natural! Having kids doesn't stop you being human, I'm sure I feel more overwhelmed now than I did pre kids, it's an extra layer to life to manage and it's a massive bloody expense on top of 'normal' life to boot.

BUT imagine how you'd feel without the threat of phone calls hanging over you and not being scared by the door knocking. You can do that in a few emails or calls.

Moriah gave some really good advice on prioritising what you owe and working from there.

You've got this.

My partner left 5 years ago & I found out about debts he had in my name that I wasn't aware about, bills that were in my name that as far as I was aware were all paid off (but weren't) things like that, through various phonecalls from various debt companies.

This sounds like identity fraud. Your ex took your identity and ran up debts in your name that you were unaware of until creditors started to pursue you. Have you gone to the police? or called Action Fraud? You should not have to pay any of this back. It’s still identity fraud if a family member/partner does this to you. It doesn’t have to be a stranger.
www.actionfraud.police.uk/a-z-of-fraud/identity-fraud-and-identity-theft

Thanks Discovereads but there's no point. There's no proof that I didn't know, when I asked him he blamed my MH & said that I did know about them & I'd forgotten.

CAB & the local charity I went to were just 'Well it's a shame he did that, now let's sort out a payment plan so you can pay it back'. I also spoke to lighthouse a few years ago about it & they were the same... 'He shouldn't of done it but you have to pay it back' kind of thing.
I suppose I made it worse by setting up payment plans for some, so 'agreeing' to it in a way. Even though I was confused as hell & asked them 500 questions, eventually I would say I'd pay because, as I said, I'm not used to debt, I was never the kind of person who left things unpaid.

I went to the police about other things he did & they were really no help at all.

I don't know what kind of person I am now. An idiot.

Thanks Sleighbells I know what you are saying. It's just when people say thing like 'Feeling like a failure is pointless & you don't have the option to give up because of your children'.... It just reinforces it more that I'm worthless & they would be better off without me (because I'm not behaving how I 'should')

I'm not sure why my earlier reply is hidden, OP, I just wanted to say that Stepchange are lovely and so helpful and will help you to choose a suitable way out of your situation. I really do recommend giving them a call.

It can be scary to write everything down and see it all laid bare. But it is a step forward in the right direction.

You have it wrong way round, your Ex and the creditors have to prove you did know and did give permission for those accounts. As in recordings of phone calls with you saying ok or your signature opening the account. You can’t prove you did not know something, that is why the burden of proof is on them to prove you did know and agreed to the debt. When the police investigate, your ex abc the creditors will have to prove you knew & gave permission or the debt will be discharged as not yours, any joint debts will fall to his name only.

You haven’t made it worse by setting up payment plans because you are a vulnerable abused woman with MH difficulties who simply followed bad advice given to you by CAB and other figures of authority. I cannot believe they said you have to pay it back! That is really misinformed of them.

I know the police are not always helpful, but it’s worth trying. You haven’t done anything wrong but have been a victim of financial abuse from your ex partner. The police can have your name removed from all those debts and your CCJ erased off your record.