CCJ & renting

[PointlessNow]

I don't think there's any advice out there for me but might as well ask.

I'm in a very dark place. I wasn't sure weather to post this here or mental health. I just don't see the point in trying any more.

My partner left 5 years ago & I found out about debts he had in my name that I wasn't aware about, bills that were in my name that as far as I was aware were all paid off (but weren't) things like that, through various phonecalls from various debt companies.

Sometimes I set up payment planes, made payments, then didn't pay. (I can't afford it.)
Sometimes I ignored them.

Then I got a letter saying I had 14 days to stop a CCJ. I left it a few days then contacted CAB who took a while to get back to me. I did nothing & waited for CAB. Too late. CCJ now can't be removed.

It's all my fault.

I'm not working, I'm on Universal credit, nobody is going to rent to me with this CCJ are they.

What's the point? I can't manage decent housing for my family. I've messed everything up. My ex is happy & moved on & I'm stuck. Just stuck. I can't get out of this hell hole & he will always win. He will win for the next 6 years while this CCJ sits on my credit record.

There is no point in me bothering anymore, is there? What is the point? All I wanted was to move so my children could have a bedroom each & I've fucked that up as well as everything else.

Before I met him I never paid a bill late. Perfect credit. Now I've fucked it all up. I don't deserve my children.

Thank you for being so kind Discovereads. Your post made me cry

I feel like I was that person 3, 4, 5 years ago, I was desperate for somebody to see things from my side, but now I've been told so many times that I have to pay that I don't see any other way around it. I don't see myself as an abused woman anymore just a stupid one who chose the wrong man.

Which is why I phrased things the way I did. He wins. He fucked things over for me for the rest of my life & he wins.

He also carried on when we split, with things that were more obvious, like having payments for his iTunes account come out of my bank (they wouldn't tell me who it was, but said it was a remarkable guess when I named him) & his £40 car insurance, for about 6 months after we split, when he kept saying he had cancelled it & didn't know why it was coming out of my account. Until I cancelled it myself.

(There would of been a snag if I did want to go down the path of using the police anyway, he had an email address set up in my name, which I knew about, he used it to switch broadband & things like that, so all correspondence was done through this email with him pretending to be me. As he couldn't get credit for anything & I didn't know anything about switching providers/wasn't techy at all, I gave him permission to do that) obviously I never checked those emails or knew even a quarter of what he was actually doing but that's because I'm stupid.

It's all my fault.

I'm speaking to somebody about my MH tomorrow. I've been on ADs/had CBT in the past but I thought I was doing ok for a while (burying my head in the sand) but this CCJ has just tipped me over the edge. I know you are all telling me that things will be ok & I must be frustrating to you, but I just can't see it

Thank you JimMorrison. I will think about it.

You are not stupid and none of this is your fault.

The email address thing was him grooming you by lying to you saying he’d only set one up to help you by doing legitimate things on your behalf that you needed help to do. You only agreed because you thought he was actually doing it to help you as you struggle with life admin due to your conditions. You never agreed for him to use it to steal from you, no one would. It’s similar to a vulnerable elderly person giving a carer a power of attorney to manage their bank accounts for them, it’s clear the permission is limited to legal actions, it’s not a carte Blanche to steal from them. That’s why any carer who abuses their access to another persons accounts is rightly prosecuted for fraud.

He abused your trust to steal your identity and commit identity fraud. The email address thing he set up using your name to pretend to be you is just more proof of it. Most identity theft involves the criminal grooming the victim. You’re not alone in being a victim of this and believe me, Oxford professors/super smart scientists get their identity stolen.

And then he’s gas lit you by telling you did know about the debts but have forgotten because you have MH conditions that affect your memory. He has you doubting reality and yourself.

I am so angry for you! You did not chose him. He chose you like a predator would and probably because you are vulnerable. He’s a despicable piece of shit and you don’t deserve any of this at all. Please consider taking your full story to the police and action fraud, you can fight this.

Thank you Discovereads I am listening, I'm just at that point where I can't see past any of this.

I worked in care for 12 years so I see it exactly how you've said it... But as if it was done to somebody else, not me, if that makes sense?

He did definitely target me, I'm certain of that. For other reasons too. I've said it myself.

People used to tell me how great he was taking care of things like that for me.

It doesn't matter now anyway.
It is what it is. I shouldn't of buried my head so much after I realised what what happening.

Thank you for talking to me everybody

Wishing you all the best 💐

I would suggest you take some of the advice given by others such as @Discovereads but if you feel you have no other choice other than to start accepting responsibility (even though I don’t think you are) there are some proactive steps you can take.
1 get your credit file, clear score Experian - it is a starting point to find out what you owe.
2 use cab/step change, they can stop interest being applied.
3 They will contact anyone you owe, interest will stop being charged where possible
4 they will calculate what you have left each month & then make an offer to the creditor of a percentage based on the amount you owe.
this will stop bailiffs knocking at your door.
Find your feet, prioritise one thing at a time, the CCJ 1st if it is on hold, is it actually on your file yet?
5 re housing if you have no one who can be a guarantor, speak to your local housing,
6 The most important think is to to take a step & most importantly tell everyone about the situation & your mental health.

UggyPow I'm not sure how posting that I'm not accepting responsibility is supposed to help me.

I'm aware that I've fucked up & I've said it over & over in the thread.

Hi sorry that is not what I mean honestly I meant financial responsibility with the creditors. I.e. acceptance of the dent & making payments even if it’s only £1
I have worked in this field & am using work terminology even though I don’t do this any more
Again sorry

Like I also said though, it is not really your debt in that you didn’t take it out.
you could also take the advice of discovereads & fight it

UggyPow I don't have the strength to fight this anymore. I wish I was strong enough to do as Discovereads suggested but I just can't. Nobody cares.

I'm not worth anybody caring about (& I'm not looking for sympathy here I'm just being honest. No response needed)

I will sort out a payment plan.

The housing situation I didn't describe very well. We are in rented now, been here for 10 years (just myself & the kids for 5)
It's small but it's ok. Council won't consider us priority, for the kids having their own room, until oldest is 10. (Just 9 now)

The house where I am now is still 'Mine & my ex's'. It always will be. I have horrible, awful memories of violence & emotional abuse, that's carried on after we split, as he feels he has the right to do what he wants in the house, go looking through my drawers etc 'because I paid for everything in the house' (he says)... He also demands I give him furniture back when he is mad with me.

The moving was going to be just for myself & the kids. He wasn't going to have claim over this new place. I just wanted to do it. I knew it was going to be hard enough while I'm on benefits & not working with no guarantor, but now there's this CCJ as well... So, if I'd of been refused before, well that was ok. But if I'm refused now, it will be because of this CCJ, & that is him STILL having control over me & my life for another 6 years
& I can't think about him still having that control over me without crying & not wanting to be alive anymore. I just can't

@PointlessNow I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I have been in a similar situation with debt and renting a few years ago, and just wanted to tell you not to give up, it does get better.

I managed to get a house from the local council, but had been looking into companies that you can pay to be a guarantor so that could be an option?

Regarding the debts, the worst thing you can do is bury your head and ignore them. I was terrified, but every company was lovely once I called and explained the situation. I offered £1 a month to them all for 6 months to take the pressure off, and then worked out what I could actually afford. If I hadn’t been able to afford anything then I’d have done a debt relief order, but once I wasn’t having to rob Peter to pay Paul every month, I realised that I actually could afford a small amount, and every company froze the interest so now most things are paid off.

Things will get better, I promise, you just can’t see it yet.

Hi Rockchick Thank you for sharing that. I'm glad you got yours sorted, it's nice to hear success stories!
I hadn't heard that you can do that for a guarantor so thank you

I spoke to somebody about my MH & didn't really feel any better, they were concerned that I don't have a NOK right now as my mum is unwell so she can't be put down... & The more they tried to ask if I have anybody else, the more upset I became, having to keep repeating that I have nobody

2nd thing that happened today is I spoke to Lighthouse (Women's aid) about my debt (I had spoken to them years ago & they were no help)
But they seemed much more positive this time & think that they can help me. So I'm waiting on a call back from them.

I'm supposed to be ringing the GP but I don't know if I feel able to talk anymore today I'm all talked out!

I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a difficult time.
It’s really understandable that the stress would be affecting your mental health. Please speak to your GP if you can. You deserve help and support.

Thank you Emelene. I emailed back CAB (So I'm not just ignoring them)
& Told them I havn't got my credit report, but I will & will get back to them.

It sounds like you're going in the right direction so well done!!

Thanks Sleighbells. I had an angry call from the jobcentre (who I spoke to about my MH earlier) demanding that I call the GP there & then.

No, I wasn't going to call them standing in the school playground waiting to pick up my kids, (they phoned at 3) & to get an appointment where I have to take my kids (as I have no childcare after school) I'm sure it would do them good to hear how their mum wants to die

I know they are looking out for me but I could of done without that. I regret speaking to them now.

Bloody hell. You'd think they'd give you a bit more time wouldn't you?!

I know! She practically hung up when I insisted on doing it tomorrow at 8 when they open... (I bet they ring at 8.01 in the morning to check it's done!)

I feel like I'm being treated like a child. They knew I had an online course for 2 hours right after speaking to them, & then (like I said on here) I didn't feel like talking anymore.
I should be allowed to make that decision for myself.

I havn't heard back from lighthouse yet.

I have an appointment with the MH worker at the GPs next week. I know I'm really low & I admit that, but I'd like to try & sort some of the problems (debt etc) while speaking to the MW team, before trying ADs.

The jobcentre phoned & asked 'What was said on the phonecall?' & 'So what words were used?'

It feels really intrusive
I honestly wish I'd never asked them for help.
They sent me an email first, telling me that they would call, I presume that's to persuade me into ringing the GP if I hadn't yet. (I had)

Speak to your MH worker about this, OP. They may be able to refer you to a debt adviser who deals specifically with debt for people with MH issues, who will be able to give you more support and help you with the forms, income and outgoing statements etc.

I have a colleague who does exactly this, all his clients are referred by MH services. There may be something similar in your area.

LakieLady I will do, thank you. I hope there is something like that here, it sounds like a good idea. I really struggle with that side of things.

The jobcentre MH worker basically told me to ring the GP & gave me the phone no for step change & Mind, then made me feel like crap about the lack of family/friends around me. I'm not sure what I was expecting, a mini counselling session I think!

I had a letter from the debt company where I have the CCJ & they said I'm 3 months behind, I didn't realise that CAB put a 2 month block on it but that I'd be hounded for both of those back payments the second the hold finished

Anyway, I've not shoved it in a drawer, I'm not ignoring it. I'm trying not to panic about it.

The MW worker from the GP was brilliant, spoke to me for an hour, gave me lots of ideas & advice, some new places to try for various things, didn't push ADs at all, asked if I'd like to try CBT again & accepted without question when I said no, went through an anxiety technique that I hadn't heard of & sounds good...

BUT he wasn't much help with the CCJ situation. He didn't seem to understand what it was, he seemed to think it was just at the 'You haven't paid so now a charge has been added so please pay now' stage, I tried to explain 3 times that it's moved beyond that stage & it's now a CCJ but he still seemed to think that if I paid it it would disappear. (He was talking about his own situation where he ignored a bill then paid it but that's not my situation)
I told him it's on my credit file for 6 years & that I feel like my ex has a hold on me for 6 more years & it's stopping us from being able to move house & move on, but he still didn't seem to get it & repeated that if I get it paid then I won't have to worry about it.

Anyway, I will have a look at these links he sent me, some of them are for general mental health help so maybe they can help with debt too.

Hi. I know this has crossed over more into mental health, but is anybody around to chat? I'm struggling

Women's aid told me that there should be a way to Write off the debt seeing as it wasn't mine to begin with, that they'd helped other women with this before, & that they would call me. That was back at the end of May & I'd heard nothing, so I asked them at the end of the freedom course that I'm currently doing online, it was the same woman as before & a 2nd woman, & they pretty much joined together & said if I'm 'not keen' on contacting these debt people that I've spoken to a while back & were useless, then there's nothing they can do. They didn't mention anybody helping me to get it written off, just told me that if I feel overwhelmed with it, I'll feel better when it's done.

That's NOT what she said the first time. I don't know what to do. Nobody wants to help me with this, I'm using any change I can find/standing counting everything up before I buy shopping while waiting for my next UC payment, & nobody gives a shit that I have this debt hanging over me.

UC are getting me to apply for work from home jobs, & I'm having to declare this CCJ on all the aplications. It's always there. It never goes away.

I spoke to the GP MH worker again & he was next to useless, I had a separate thread about that. He's discharged me & left me to it.

I just don't know what to do

Oh you poor thing, I'm here to chat but I don't know how to write anything off sadly, I wish I did!! I contacted a company a while back who said they could help with my debt and it ended up being a DMP that they'd charge me £50 per month of my £100 per month payments to manage for me. Then seemed annoyed that I wouldn't go through with it 🙄.

It's awful that you're being told that you'll feel better when it's done. As if you didn't know that! If it was as easy as that then you'd have done it! Can you just go along with what they're asking you to do and then go back and ask them for help if you don't get any further? Try and put as much as you can in writing so you have a good paper trail.

Are the CCJs having an impact on the jobs you're applying for? I know my old employer didn't allow them but my current one would as it's not financial services.

I do know a bit about how you're feeling and it's awful. I agree with the hanging over you part, I too feel this a lot. In my happier moments I forget but then the worry starts again. I just spent £70 in aldi on food and my last £10 on diesel and have bugger all really to show for it. Times are getting harder despite being so much more careful than I used to be. I need the money to throw at outstanding bills but have to clothe and feed 4 of us which is the priority. But also priority is a roof over our head, hot water and not going to prison for non payment of council tax. How do you juggle this when there isn't money to cover it all?

I wished for a life coach earlier but I think what I actually need is someone to take over my life for a bit and out of the total chaos of my mind and help me get back to where I was and who I was. I imagine they'd charge a fortune for that though which would defeat the object totally. Maybe one day when I'm back on my feet I'll set it up cheaply.

Sorry for rambling on. There will be a way of getting out of this mess, please don't give up trying

Thank you for answering me Sleighbells. After I posted on here this morning I could hear some seagulls outside, & I layed in bed crying just wishing that I could fly away with them & not be hurting anymore

You know when people write on a headstone 'At peace' or something... I will finally be at peace when I'm gone. It will be absolutely fitting.

I'm sorry you are struggling too. Yes they are getting me to apply for insurance Jobs so the CCJ will be impacting them.

I realised after posting this originally that I am still paying back a year's worth of council tax from the last year when we were together. We had sooo many arguements about this CT & he constantly told me that he was paying but it was all lies. I would ask him to show me the receipt & he would say that I should trust him. I would get reminders & he would say they were wrong. (All in my name) I'm still having that payment taken from my benefit 5 years later as it was such a high amount.

So there's that, & this CCJ, I'm quietly hoping that because I havn't heard from any others for a while & we've been split 5 years & the cut off is 6, that that might be it (I doubt it tho, I'm not that lucky)

I just can't deal with this all. It's too hard. Every time I speak to somebody they won't help me.

It's like swimming through treacle & I pop my head out & something else happens.

I hope things get easier for you Sleighbells, I understand every word of your post