How do you split finances after marriage?

[ImInStealthMode]

We're getting married this summer and need to start talking about how to organise finances afterwards. At the moment DP pays me a set amount to cover his share of all bills (we live in my flat) and we take turns or split food shops, meals out etc. We're both paying into a savings account at the moment for the wedding.

I don't think a total merge of all income would work for us as we've both been fiercely accustomed to having our 'own' money for so long, but staying as we are seems messy too.

Wondering how others split / merge their income and household expenditure to make it fair for everyone.

For clarity we don't have DC at the moment, we earn almost exactly the same amount, and we'll be selling my flat and buying somewhere bigger after the wedding (deposit coming from the sale of my flat and ring-fenced).

Thanks in advance

We have a joint account for the bills.

We both pay 50% of the bills into that.

The rest is our own. He earns quite a bit more than me so he pays for all meals out and most of the shopping etc.

If we earned more or less the same we would split everything 50%.

Joint account. All money goes in and all bills paid from this. Important that each person has the opportunity to show a history of mortgage repayments if it goes tits up.

Both get same amount of fun money to spend on leisure. Spare money saved and used for joint investments, holidays, big purchases.

This way means you don’t have to constantly rejigger things due to life changes eg changes in income, kids etc and prevents financial abuse. I would not accept anything else.

We have our own checking and savings accounts plus a joint checking and a joint savings account. Our income goes straight into the joint checking account. Whatever is left after paying bills and household costs like food shops, child expenses etc, we set aside some equal amount each and some to joint savings account. For example, £50/week auto goes to the joint savings account. What we get each we put in our own checking and savings accounts individually.

All our income goes into a joint account. Once bills and savings have come out we split what's left and pay it into our own personal accounts

We have a joint account that my salary goes into (DH SAHP) for bills and then money goes into our individual accounts plus a ‘monthly household spend’ account (groceries, kids stuff etc). We each roughly have the same amount to spend each month.

We're just really ad hoc. I think it's unusual but it works for us. Most bills come from my account as it was my house originally. Dh used to pay for all food, treats and decorating.
These days husband is a student. We just transfer each other money as and when. We treat it as one big pot but it's over several different accounts.
We're both quite similar with our spending. There's no Real organisation but it works for us

Before kids we earnt the same, we paid 50% of the Bill's so put that in to the joint account and food shops we took in turn, rest remained in our own accounts.

Now he earns more than me due to kids, we just worked out what I could afford and he pays the rest.

Both salaries paid in to the joint account, all bills etc paid from that. We have a joint savings account and each transfer the same amount to our personal account. This money is to spend or save as please. So a day out would come from the joint account but if I went for dinner with friends that would be my own account. Big purchases from the joint are discussed.

We share. We have our money not his and hers.

Joint account. All money goes in and all bills are paid out of that. And the rest is spending or savings.

Sometimes he's earned more sometimes me. It doesn't matter. It's our money.

This was a condition of marriage:

• all income into one pot; all household bills paid from there
• separate equal pocket money accounts (I'm a spender, he's a saver) for purely personal discretional stuff - haircuts, clothes, games, birthday presents for each other etc. I get the odd topup because DH realises being a woman is more expensive (haircuts, good bras etc). We also both have paid hobbies and those we're allowed to keep as pocket money, but tbh it mostly gets squirrelled away

We've both been the higher paid earner at times but this way it's all our money.

FWIW we're empty nesters with no shared children.

We have never argued about money and there is no resentment. It's bliss.

If one of you doesn't want to do this think hard about why and about whether there is a possibility that one of you could end up financially controlling the other. It's a red flag (one of the whole row of red bunting I didn't spot in my first marriage).

Joint account - part of our salary goes into there to cover all shared bills, remainder is ours - but tbh we aren’t big spenders and have a similar “money mindset” (accumulate vs spend)

Initially my DH put a bit more, now I earn more I put more - and then with bonuses etc we tend to save or cover ad hoc large expenses like holidays outside the joint account

Sometimes we ask each other to top it up depending

When we got together, we both worked FT and D.C. all left home / independent. Both used to having control over our own money

When we moved in together, we worked out the household running costs including mortgage, utility bills, food shopping etc.

We set up a joint 'household' account, to which we contributed equally. All bills etc came out of the account and everything left was our to control in our own accounts

We tend to put more than really necessary intro the household account so if we fancy a meal out, the household can pay. We top it up with extra to cover Christmas and birthday presents for DC and other family.

I don't see any need to do anything else until one or other of you find their earning power restricted by having DC. That's when you start thinking about sharing all money (and pension and savings ).

I've never done 'all money is joint' and don't see how it would work.

DH tends to have higher regular spending whereas I tend a be more frugal day to day then splurge when I want to. I buy things for myself that he would never buy for himself, but I drive a very old (but reliable) car and he always has a newish fancy one.

If all money were joint, I couldn't reply on just seeing my bank balance to know whether I can afford a splurge. I would need to siphon off my 'not spent' each month to allow it to build up.

How would it work if we both had a splurge at the same time ? Or do people never splurge from income ?

If what you do now is working, why change anything? I do not have any kind of shared account with DH. He pays certain bills, I pay others and we tend to just casually split most other stuff. He earns a fair chunk more than me so usually picks up bigger ticket costs, such as holidays. I'll buy meals out. If I've had an expensive month due to communal costs he will give me some money, but that rarely happens. My money is mine to spend as I wish and so is his. We have never had a single argument about finances.

All of ours went into one joint current account, and everything was paid out of this account. Any surplus went into a joint savings account. We paid for hobbies etc from the joint current account. But neither of us was either super-tight or super-spendy, so it was fine. I can't see any better way to do it, unless one partner has problems with money. I was a SAHM, but we did it this way pre-children too.

Same as we did before marriage, all in the one pot.

My previous marriage, similar earnings.

Had a joint account for joint bills only, and both paid the same into it, including an element of joint savings for joint extras - like house repairs. The cards for it were in a drawer somewhere - it was only used for DDs and SOs.

Most bills were halved therefore, but not all. Not cars and mobiles, for example. He has an expensive car on eye watering lease, with high insurance. I’d bought cheaper outright, with a third of the insurance. So they were from our accounts. But things like Sky Sports that he watched and didn’t, we still halved. Groceries came from our own accounts, but we informally would pay about half each - whoever went shopping would pay, and just as likely to be either.

Other than that - own account, own money.

@Rainbowqueeen

Joint account. All money goes in and all bills paid from this. Important that each person has the opportunity to show a history of mortgage repayments if it goes tits up. Both get same amount of fun money to spend on leisure. Spare money saved and used for joint investments, holidays, big purchases. This way means you don’t have to constantly rejigger things due to life changes eg changes in income, kids etc and prevents financial abuse. I would not accept anything else.

If you plan to have DC in the future I see this as imperative.

All our money and assets are joint, there's no mine and yours. Sometimes he's earned more, sometimes I've earned more (career changes, maternity leaves etc etc) it makes 0 difference we both have the same amount of money to live on. We are both pretty sensible and if we want to buy something we do. I can't imagine being married and one person having money hidden away or more money to spend, you are sharing every other aspect of your life I'm not sure why you'd not share your money? Works fine for us, should we ever divorce (don't think we will we are happy, but who knows) everything would just go straight down the middle, so I see little point in it being separate married.

We put everything in to one account. I’m more financially aware than him so I’m the one that shops around for better deals on utilities etc. We both have the same attitude to money, same goals for ourselves and our children. If either want to spend a large amount we mention it to the other. As I’m more clued in than him, I sometimes say that’s probably not wise to buy whatever and remind him of our shared goals (buying a bigger house next year, sending our daughter to a fee paying school etc) and he usually agrees. He earns slightly more than me at the moment. I’ve earned a good bit less at times and I’ll probably earn more than him in the future. I’ve always noticed tensions with friends and their husbands over money. I’ve found the “he promised he’d pay half of y and now he’s not giving me the money” conversations very very weird. And I’m talking about things for the kids, family tickets for things etc.

Oh I should say that we have a joint savings account also. So a joint current account and a joint savings account.

@Rainbowqueeen

Joint account. All money goes in and all bills paid from this. Important that each person has the opportunity to show a history of mortgage repayments if it goes tits up. Both get same amount of fun money to spend on leisure. Spare money saved and used for joint investments, holidays, big purchases. This way means you don’t have to constantly rejigger things due to life changes eg changes in income, kids etc and prevents financial abuse. I would not accept anything else.

This just about sums it up. I couldn’t be doing with calculating percentages of bills, who pays what..what’s the point once it all legally belongs to both of you anyway? You can cal it ‘your own’ money all you like but there’s simply no such thing once you’re married.

If having kids, this approach also works well so the drop in income is shared. I want to cry when I read posts on here from women wondering how they will pay ‘their half’ of the bills while on mat leave. Or that save up to cover their bills while they go off to birth the bloke’s child.

@BeeLady15

Oh I should say that we have a joint savings account also. So a joint current account and a joint savings account.

We don’t have a joint savings account, to be honest I think it’s just habit but also risk attitude

I am more put money into LISA/ISA and other investments … he just likes it to sit there, so I consider his cash savings part of our overall household hedge / mix of savings but it’s in his name

Get a joint account. Agree what constitutes ‘joint’ expenses and what are personal expenses.

E.g.

Joint: all bills, mortgage, insurances, food, transport costs, joint socialising & holidays, etc. Savings for specific things & emergencies, home maintenance etc.

Personal: hair cuts, clothes, subscriptions, socialising independently of each other etc

Enough money into joint to cover everything with a contingency. Equal personal spending.

We share a credit card that food, fuel etc goes on, leaving the joint account for fixed bills and saving. Pay off the c/c in full every month.

we'll be selling my flat and buying somewhere bigger after the wedding (deposit coming from the sale of my flat and ring-fenced).
Btw, you do realise that once you’re married the ring-fencing isn’t necessarily going to hold in event of divorce? It will be taken into account more as an expression of wishes at the time of marriage but upon marriage everything becomes 50-50 assets.

It won't be ring fenced upon marriage should you divorce. It can be ringfenced if you hold your new property as tenants in common for you to live by Will and to be persuasive in a divorce but will be a marital asset the same way as individual savings would be.