How do you split finances after marriage?

[ImInStealthMode]

We're getting married this summer and need to start talking about how to organise finances afterwards. At the moment DP pays me a set amount to cover his share of all bills (we live in my flat) and we take turns or split food shops, meals out etc. We're both paying into a savings account at the moment for the wedding.

I don't think a total merge of all income would work for us as we've both been fiercely accustomed to having our 'own' money for so long, but staying as we are seems messy too.

Wondering how others split / merge their income and household expenditure to make it fair for everyone.

For clarity we don't have DC at the moment, we earn almost exactly the same amount, and we'll be selling my flat and buying somewhere bigger after the wedding (deposit coming from the sale of my flat and ring-fenced).

Thanks in advance

Who is currently paying your mortgage? Because it seems you're already financially less well off based on him paying half of bills, food etc. And you can "ring fence" your deposit on the new house all you like but in 15 years time that's not going to help you in any meaningful way. It's a good thing DH and I aren't getting divorced because my deposit on the house is definitely no longer "my" money.

If you want separate finances, fine. But then I'd say agree a set amount that is for each of you to do with as you like and spread the rest.

Also think and agree now about children. You earn the same as him right now but when you're on maternity leave, you might not. What's the expectation then? discuss it now.

Wages paid into individual accounts, we both have the same amount of 'pocket money' allocated each month, everything else gets transferred into the joint account.

Anything left in the joint account at the end of the month gets skimmed into savings.

We've got separate named savings accounts, but ultimately it's all counted as joint money (each pot is just allocated for something specific).

Thanks all for a wide range of views. Appreciate that the ring-fencing won't hold much weight once we're married but we actually planned to buy beforehand and our lawyer offered to put it in place free of charge so it still stands. I know things and people can change but my DP is happy to sign anything legal to say that in the event of us separating at any point (at least pre-DC) that the first £XXXk of any house sale proceeds is mine before equity is split. Whether things all go to shit and he changes his mind on that in 10 or 20 years is a bridge to cross at the time and something I'm well aware of in agreeing to get married.

To answer a couple of questions @BlingLoving at the moment he contributes 50% of the household expenses including the mortgage albeit the mortgage is only in my name. What we're left with is roughly the same amount, we just spend it in different ways.

@LadyGardenersQuestionTime It's definitely not a case of not wanting to do anything. We're both extremely keen to be fair and equal, just looking at different ways to approach it. While I appreciate that ultimately all of our money is both of our money I don't think having a totally combined pot, at least while we're on an equal income footing, is the best option for us. Not least because we like to surprise each other and both being able to see every transaction takes away from that a bit.

After discussion so far we both think the idea of having a joint current and joint savings account for most things, and then our own personal and equal 'pocket money' to spend or save separately will work best for us. If one or the other income changes or we have DC then reassessment and adjustment as required.