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Original poster

Urgent help/advice needed

33 replies

sunshineamongsttheshitstorm · 08/03/2022 12:39

Okay, could be a long one. Long time user. Name change for obvious reasons.

My husband has completely gone into meltdown/midlife crisis mode. He's quit his well paid job and handed his notice in last week and left home and as far as he is concerned we are now living separate lives. He doesn't want to see the children or me. No obvious reason as to why he was completely normal until 2 weeks ago. I am now in survival mode. I don't have time to be upset and know about the what's and why's right now, he has a supportive family and is getting help from a mental health team. Im not angry it's clear he is very unwell hopefully in time after he has received so much needed help things can go back to how they were.. Who knows. He knows I will always be here to support him but right now my priority is our children and his family are providing the brunt of his care and pathways to help.

We've been married 8 years, have 2 children and one due in 4 weeks.....!!!!!

I am a self employed with an income of around15,000 per year, not great but my job enables me to work very flexibly and do all the school runs and look after my toddler full time, as I'm currently pregnant with baby no3, I will be receiving no wage but maternity allowance from April. This was all a great carry on when I had a working/helping husband to share the load and the bills.

Now I'm up shit creek. We have no savings due to a recent extension. We own/ mortgage are home; and also have one we rent out, our rental home we don't make any money on the same person has lived there 10 years. The rent pays for the bills and mortgage so it does have equity if it was sold.

I've done a benefits calculator and due to owning another house I'm entitled to nothing. Is that correct? My husband has no job and is MIA leaving me effectively a single mother of 3 living off £6-700 a month. Our bills alone cost about £1400.

What can I do? How am I going to live. I don't have anyone I can ask for help. No family. Wouldn't ask friends. His family although supportive don't have means to help with money. I obviously need to sell the rental
House and get the equity to live on for now? Providing my husband is even in agreement with that it could still take months - panicking. Already rung and cancelled sky but that's a drop in the ocean really. Any advice?

OP posts:
TwoBlueFish · 08/03/2022 12:49

How much equity is in the 2nd home? If it’s not much then you may still be able to claim universal credit. It may also be disregarded if it’s up for sale www.entitledto.co.uk/help/Own-other-property

CrispsnDips · 08/03/2022 12:52

Bless you, there is an organisation called Stepchange which can help..they have a helpline that I think you can ring (take a look at their website).

Another organisation is Money Matters on : 0141 445 5221

butterflyinsunflowers · 08/03/2022 12:57

Are you in a mortgaged property now OP? For the tenanted property and your home I'd be phoning the mortgage companies/banks asap to get mortgage holidays on those so I could manage in the next couple of months at least.

butterflyinsunflowers · 08/03/2022 12:58

Sorry just seen you are in a mortgaged property. I'd ask the banks today to start a mortgage holiday and explain your dh has mental health problems.

GrannyBloomers · 08/03/2022 13:05

Really sorry as that sounds very tough.

I think you are going to have to sell the investment property. Yes you will need your husband's agreement. Can you contact his family and without being emotional put the cold hard financial facts down - maybe in an email and ask for them to speak to him to broker permission.

It may be that they will lend you some money in the interim. I just don't think you want to be borrowing right now for example on a card to make ends meet.

AmberGer · 08/03/2022 13:09

Could you contact your mortgage providers on both properties and change both to interest only mortgage for the time being?

AnotherEmma · 08/03/2022 13:09

I am so sorry OP, how selfish of him to leave you and the children in this position.

You are correct that the rental property is an issue so you will need to take steps to sell it ASAP. If it's jointly owned you will need your husband's agreement and if he won't agree you need legal advice pronto.

Once you've got the ball rolling with selling the property it should be disregarded for benefits and you could claim UC.

Your local Citizens Advice should be a good place to start, they can advise on the various issues that need to be sorted, and they might know about local solicitors and law clinics too.

MoneySavingExpert has good advice about doing a "money makeover", basically cutting down on all your outgoings. Do that and talk to your mortgage provider about reducing or suspending repayments for a while.

AnotherEmma · 08/03/2022 13:12

One other thing, since he's moved out you can get a 25% discount on your Council tax (the single person discount), it's not going to make a massive difference but every little helps.

Pythonesque · 08/03/2022 14:56

One thing that occurs to me, depending on just how ill he is.

If he is actually not competent to make decisions, then arguably his giving notice at work might not be valid and he should actually be on sick leave. I'd definitely explore that option first if there is any chance it is valid; if it is, then you would have difficulties getting permission to sell your second property anyway.

I agree that calling your bank for a mortgage holiday is probably the most urgent step otherwise.

Fingers tightly crossed for you. You will get through this, even if it's hard to know what the other side will look like at the moment.

Babyroobs · 08/03/2022 15:08

If the equity in the second home is over 16k you will not be able to claim UC unfortunately.

Babyroobs · 08/03/2022 15:10

Your dh should also make an urgent claim for News style ESA assuming he has paid national Insurance contributions over the past 2-3 years. It wont be much ( around £74 a week initially ) but he can give you that to help hopefully. You can also claim child benefit for the third child once it is born.

Madre123 · 08/03/2022 15:13

Give notice to your tenant...sell your current home...move into your rental home with the children....use the equity to live whilst budgeting to an extreme...go back to work asap...good luck

Babyroobs · 08/03/2022 15:14

@Babyroobs

Your dh should also make an urgent claim for News style ESA assuming he has paid national Insurance contributions over the past 2-3 years. It wont be much ( around £74 a week initially ) but he can give you that to help hopefully. You can also claim child benefit for the third child once it is born.
Sorry I forgot to add, he can claim via the Gov.uk site, it is very easy to apply, he will need a sick note to send to them. Ask him to put your bank details in so the money comes to you and the kids.
AnotherEmma · 08/03/2022 15:18

@Babyroobs

If the equity in the second home is over 16k you will not be able to claim UC unfortunately.
She can if and when they put it up for sale.
Babyroobs · 08/03/2022 15:40

Another Emma - Yes sorry I should have said that. But then assuming the house sells quickly as most properties are right now, Uc would stop again when she has the capital/ equity although I guess it does depend how much is left after solicitors fees etc. It's a really dreadful situation to be in unfortunately.

bowlingalleyblues · 08/03/2022 15:43

Was self-employed, 6 month old baby. Rented out spare room which brought in money, tax free. Later on used wrap around childcare and increased my hours and my prices. Luckily OH didn’t leave and did recover and return to work. If you can’t ask friends for financial help can you line them up for help with the school run, play dates for your children or other practical help. I found it helpful that I could say OH had a breakdown, because then people understood what that meant and I didn’t have to explain a lot.

Original poster
sunshineamongsttheshitstorm · 08/03/2022 15:59

Thank you all for your practical advice.
I'm going to ring the mortgage company tomorrow and hopefully they will allow a payment holiday so it gives me a few months breathing space.

Unfortunately our rental house is a 1 bedroomed house really unsuitable for 4 of us.
I need to get it sold asap it seems, that was supposed to be my little pension nest egg. Funny how life shits on all your plans isn't it anyway got to look on the bright side with the way of the world at the moment we could be in a far worse situation.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 08/03/2022 16:12

My first thought was same as @Pythonesque - should he actually be on sick leave?
I’d call ACAS and see if they can advise as a priority, whilst he’s still “working” his notice.
My boss had a breakdown and just went AWOL for 2 weeks - he was put straight onto sick leave when his wife found him and told work.

AnotherEmma · 08/03/2022 16:30

@Babyroobs

Another Emma - Yes sorry I should have said that. But then assuming the house sells quickly as most properties are right now, Uc would stop again when she has the capital/ equity although I guess it does depend how much is left after solicitors fees etc. It's a really dreadful situation to be in unfortunately.
OP will probably need to use the equity to pay off the mortgage arrears that she will accrue during the reduction/break in mortgage payments on the family home.

As a general rule I would advise using the equity to pay off any debts, pay for essential bills, then as long as your total savings are under £16k you can claim UC, as savings deplete keep updating UC account, then when they go down to £6k don't touch them unless you really need to (emergency fund).

Anyway by the time the rental property is sold (which may take some time given that OP needs her AWOL DH's agreement and they have a tenant they'll need to evict) hopefully the situation will be clearer in terms of what the DH is doing, and whether they will be separating/divorcing or whether he will be contributing again.

AnotherEmma · 08/03/2022 16:32

@Cocomarine

My first thought was same as *@Pythonesque* - should he actually be on sick leave? I’d call ACAS and see if they can advise as a priority, whilst he’s still “working” his notice. My boss had a breakdown and just went AWOL for 2 weeks - he was put straight onto sick leave when his wife found him and told work.
The DH could withdraw his resignation and go on sick leave instead, but only if he is willing to do this... he hasn't exactly been making the most rational/helpful decisions so far, but perhaps he could be persuaded by OP or his family.
Whiteminnowfish · 08/03/2022 18:48

OMG! I am in the same situation as you. I work PT. Have dd7. Stbxw left us 2 weeks ago. Stbxw was abusive towards me and dd7.

I've tried applying for Uc but because we have 2 rental properties I don't qualify. That's according to local council advice - I rang Citizens advice and they said to put in a claim via the UC website. That way I can submit all evidence etc and they will make an assessment.

I also don't qualify for Legal Aid as we have 2 rental properties either, so basically I am screwed that way as well. I cannot afford solicitors either on my £700 a month salary.

Both properties are in negative equity, so that might help.

Is your rental in negative equity?

Babyroobs · 08/03/2022 18:53

@Whiteminnowfish

OMG! I am in the same situation as you. I work PT. Have dd7. Stbxw left us 2 weeks ago. Stbxw was abusive towards me and dd7.

I've tried applying for Uc but because we have 2 rental properties I don't qualify. That's according to local council advice - I rang Citizens advice and they said to put in a claim via the UC website. That way I can submit all evidence etc and they will make an assessment.

I also don't qualify for Legal Aid as we have 2 rental properties either, so basically I am screwed that way as well. I cannot afford solicitors either on my £700 a month salary.

Both properties are in negative equity, so that might help.

Is your rental in negative equity?

If you've no equity then you should get UC as you have no capital.
Whiteminnowfish · 08/03/2022 19:07

How do I prove this though?

Babyroobs · 08/03/2022 19:14

@Whiteminnowfish

How do I prove this though?

I guess maybe DWP do a valuation and look at what you owe on the mortgages maybe?
Gonnagetgoing · 08/03/2022 19:20

@bowlingalleyblues

Was self-employed, 6 month old baby. Rented out spare room which brought in money, tax free. Later on used wrap around childcare and increased my hours and my prices. Luckily OH didn’t leave and did recover and return to work. If you can’t ask friends for financial help can you line them up for help with the school run, play dates for your children or other practical help. I found it helpful that I could say OH had a breakdown, because then people understood what that meant and I didn’t have to explain a lot.
@bowlingalleyblues - years ago when DM was separating from DF and he left the house she got a guarantor mortgage (as they’d bought the house with another couple before) with a close friend’s DH being the guarantor. Then she rented all upstairs bedrooms and we lived downstairs. A bit drastic but 2 kids could go in together, baby with you and rent out any other spare bedrooms.
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