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Original poster

HUSBAND DID NOT RETURN DS FOR CHRISTMAS

80 replies

mummyfixit · 26/12/2007 20:15

Can anyone help me. I have also posted on relationship thread.

My DS was due to be returned to me at 2pm on CHristmas eve. ExH called me at 1.45pm to tell me he was not returning him. My DS is only 3.

I left ExH on 10th December, not a nice man and very controlling. This was the first time he had seen DS since then (had spoken to him every evening). We exchanged solicitors letters and it was ExH idea to have DS from 22/12 to 24/12 and return him to me. I readily agreed as DS should see his Daddy. Now ExH will not return son, will not let me see him and says he will fight for custody. Please, please can anyone help.

I am going to try to call a Solicitor tomorrow (my solicitor is closed until 2/1/08).

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyfixit · 13/01/2008 11:09

I have also learnt from DS that Ex-H has a lady living with him who kisses daddy, gives DS a bath and she sleeps in Daddy's bed. I only left about five weeks ago. What is going on.

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Original poster

mummyfixit · 18/02/2008 14:20

I have to go and see CAFCASS on Wednesday and they are coming to visit me and my DS on Monday. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks.

OP posts:

bigcar · 19/02/2008 13:27

Sorry, no advice, just hugs and good luck!

titchy · 19/02/2008 13:48

Been following this also - no advice but lots of luck with the visits. How has the week on week off thing been?

ManxMum · 19/02/2008 14:04

Fingers crossed for you {{{{hug}}}}}}

I wouldn't be happy about a stranger bathing my DS, your ex-p should be doing these things with your son.

Original poster

mummyfixit · 19/02/2008 20:15

Thanks for your replies. Week on/week off very unsettling for DS.

Very worried about tomorrow. Will let you know how things go.

Thanks for your support.

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titchy · 21/02/2008 10:29

How did yesterday go mummyfixit?

Original poster

mummyfixit · 25/02/2008 09:58

Hi, I think it went ok with the CAFCASS lady last week. She is coming to visit me and my DS at home this afternoon. She seems quite a sensible person and I hope she can see through Ex-H put on charm and see him for what he really is. CAFCASS are going to visit Ex-H later this week. I am so worried and scared about all this. I just want it to end.

Will keep you posted.

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bigcar · 26/02/2008 17:33

You would hope they see enough people to work out who is genuine and who isn't. I hope it went well, keep us posted!

Judy1234 · 26/02/2008 18:27

I think children can get used to a week on a week off. Imagine if you were the father though only allowed to see a child once a week or every two weeks - that in my view is completely unacceptable and yet imposed on men all the time. We need to move to 50/50 arrangements particularly now so many women work ufll time. I would love my ex to have had the children every other week and I know people for whom it works very well.

Children like stability so once they have a regular pattern of one week on and one off they are content and a home in both homes. It's a very good system. But there are alternatives too like half the week in one house and half with the other. It is very very sexist and unfair on men that there should be some assumption that just because they are male they get to see their children less. They love them as much as women and are often very upset if they don't see them every day never mind the pathetic once a fortnight they are sometimes offered.

titchy · 27/02/2008 10:33

Xenia - week on week off rather impractical when the parents live 120 miles from each other! While I agree dads shoudl have as much access and mums often it isn't practical, and I think children often feel more stable knowing where their main home is, rather than having to think is it home x this week or home y. Horses for courses...

Original poster

mummyfixit · 29/02/2008 09:31

Xenia - I have no 'objection' to having joint residency with DS father but what I do not want is DS going to a school 120 miles away from me. It is just not on. DS father is a lot older than me and by the time DS gets to senior school ex-h would be nearly 70 years old. Ex-h can see DS equally with me but my argument is that DS goes to school near where I am living.

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titchy · 07/04/2008 14:13

How's it going mummyfixit?

Original poster

mummyfixit · 09/04/2008 09:39

Hi going very badly. CAFCASS lady has decided that my DS is more attached to his father than he is to me. I am absolutely devastated. cannot tell anyone. Feel as though I just want to give up. Can't cope much longer. Ex-h is a nasty manipulative man and I am so upset that CAFCASS could not see through this facade. Don't know what to do.

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edam · 09/04/2008 09:43

Mummyfixit, CAFCASS are not beyond reproach - the have been heavily criticised. Think they are very variable across the country. Have you got a solicitor? What's their advice on the CAFCASS report? I don't know but maybe Gingerbread, the organisation for lone parents, might be able to offer advice and support.

Ask your solicitor where you could commission your own report from an independent expert to give to the court. And get them to read through the CAFCASS report and spot any errors, subjective judgements, leading questions, anything you can challenge.

titchy · 09/04/2008 17:25

As you live so far apart presumably must be a different CAFCASS person? Or doesn't it work that way? What did she say about your relationship with ds?

Original poster

mummyfixit · 11/04/2008 12:51

Same CAFCASS person visited both parties. She travelled to where Ex-h is living. With regard to my relationship with DS she said there is nothing to choose between me and Ex-H in terms of who has custody but that DS has strong attachment to his father. She did not criticise me in any way.

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Original poster

mummyfixit · 21/04/2008 13:32

Good news - CAFCASS seem to have had a change of heart and are going to recommend to the Court that my DS comes to live with me. Brilliant. Fingers crossed now that the Court takes notice of the report and follows their recommendations. Will keep you posted.

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CarGirl · 21/04/2008 13:34

So glad of that, I really think they should be taking your ex's age into consideration, or perhaps they saw through his charm more than they let on?

llareggub · 21/04/2008 13:35

I'm so glad to hear that.

LoveMyGirls · 21/04/2008 13:36

Amazing news!!! When you will find out?

Original poster

mummyfixit · 21/04/2008 13:37

Go back to Court in May. Fingers crossed everything goes OK.

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LoveMyGirls · 21/04/2008 13:40

I think you are incredibly strong, it must be tearing you apart. Good that you can feel positive about the outcome.

How awful its been allowed to go on for so long

I've always assumed my dc's would stay with me if we ever split up. Why didn't the police just bring your ds home? (Sorry I'm so naieve)

Original poster

mummyfixit · 21/04/2008 17:49

Thanks LoveMyGirls. Some days don't want to get out of bed. Feel as though been given hope now. Ex-H such a manipulative person really thought CAFCASS would be taken in by him. Fingers crossed for the Court hearing in May.

Police cannot do anything if the Court has not decided residency. They were very pleasant and very helpful but nothing they could do.

Need to look forward to future now and jus hope and pray everything goes my way in May. Thank you so much for all your support, it really does help.

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titchy · 15/05/2008 12:17

How's it going? Have you had the Court Hearing yet?

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