Giving up work due to extreme anxiety ..

[harrow92]

I currently work within a school, however my anxiety is crippling, I don't sleep properly, I feel sick every morning, spend all weekend anxious for the start of another week and then continuously clock watch and count down the days until the weekend again ... I feel inadequate and just unable.
My question is, has anyone ever given up work because of social anxiety? And if so ... how did you manage?
I'm married and we have a mortgage... I just feel I cannot continue living my life like this. But we need to have some income coming in. I'm really struggling, and I don't think it'll get better even with a little time off - as it's been the save for the last 2+ years with no signs of improvement despite medication and therapy. I just can't handle it.

Hi @harrow92, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

I’m a trained secondary school teacher who had been working for 12yrs when I had to give it up in a school. This wasn’t because of anxiety, I have lupus and couldn’t cope physically, but it amounted to the same thing as we also needed my salary.

I quit to tutor from home for an online company. The money wasn’t as good as what I was earning teaching, but it was a start and meant that I could work from home. I also applied for PIP, which I did get after a bit of an arduous application, but you may be eligible for that too. As time went on I found other sources of income: private tutoring clients and eventually a part time WFH job for the local education authority which is brilliant because I can use my education experience but it’s a desk job that I can do from home.

Aside from this I sometimes do some cover- I’m registered with an agency- but never more than one or two days a week, health dependant. With these streams of income I make as much as I did teaching and my quality of life is so much better.

If you want to leave I would research what you could do instead and try and secure PIP and a job or jobs to get you started before you hand in your notice. There is life beyond school, it just takes a bit of creativity. When I was struggling that last year I never would have thought I could make the same money with so much less stress.

Good luck.

Thank you for your quick reply!
Unfortunately - I'm just a office worker. I've actually only been there 3 weeks, after I left my job in hospitality of 11 years. I thought a fresh start was maybe what I needed but I've 100% made it worse and there is no back tracking. I have been looking into work from home jobs - but I'm worried it'll all only be temporary until they want everyone back in offices and then I'll be in the same situation.

I just can't cope. My OH doesn't really understand it, he's very strong willed and very little phases him. I feel so pathetic. But I'm constantly terrified of the following day. Right now I'm sat on my sofa waiting to leave for work in hot sweats, feeling sick, thoughts running wild. All I want to do is call in and go back to bed away from it all.
I can happily go out at the weekends with my OH but as soon as it's work and I'm alone, I go into such a spin of panic. I feel like he's my enabler and feel like I can't keep depending on him because he isn't with me all the time. But I can't cope like this.

@harrow92 thats shit, I’m so sorry- I do remember the feeling of “I can’t do this”. In your position then I would go to your doctor about this to start with. I do also suffer from anxiety and a combination of drugs and CBT have really helped me. And then I would get the ball rolling for PIP (once you have a diagnosis it’s easier) and start looking for what’s out there. If you really can’t deal with work and you don’t care about pissing them off a bit (because you don’t want to stay long term) get signed off with stress.

Make a list of all the things you could do and all the stages you need to do (eg 1) make doctors appointment 2) get PIP forms....) as this will make you feel more in control. Rope in your husband to hell with this bit.

It’s absolutely crap when you feel like this, you aren’t pathetic. My DH too is a very robust character who “just gets on with things” and I do feel inadequate sometimes but he wants me to be healthy and happy, which I have no doubt yours does too.

I have been there many years ago(retired now).I wasnt married and had no kids.I could only cope with doing voluntary work(there is much less pressure and people actually thank you for your work.I received benefit and I volunteered (almost full time) for government organisations.so the money I received,I kind of gave back to the government.I rented very cheaply a narrowboat and lived incredibly frugal.This was the perfect solution for me and I stopped having breakdowns and deep depression.You need to change your lifestyle completely.It is worth it,but you obviously would have to have support(emotionally)from your partner.I wish you all the best

I've completely failed - I went in this morning and had a full blown panic attack. Unleashed all of this onto a fellow colleague and was sent home. She was absolutely lovely, but I feel so ashamed! I just can't do it... no matter how much justifying with myself I do. My body feels completely uncontrollable - I feel almost detached from myself. I have no control.

And now - I don't know what to do. The thought of returning tomorrow sends me into almost another instant panic attack - at just the thought.... there isn't anything about it that draws me in.

But I have to work - because we have bills. I feel so trapped. And so frightened, really lost at how to navigate through this.

@Cowpad

I have been there many years ago(retired now).I wasnt married and had no kids.I could only cope with doing voluntary work(there is much less pressure and people actually thank you for your work.I received benefit and I volunteered (almost full time) for government organisations.so the money I received,I kind of gave back to the government.I rented very cheaply a narrowboat and lived incredibly frugal.This was the perfect solution for me and I stopped having breakdowns and deep depression.You need to change your lifestyle completely.It is worth it,but you obviously would have to have support(emotionally)from your partner.I wish you all the best

This sounds amazing Cowpad.

So for you it really was the stress lifestyle.

OP have you tried beta blockers? These worked so well for me.

They stop the heart racing panicky feeling.

Ask your GP for a referral and try to get CPD. Horrible waiting lists but it could really change your life.

Could you try a different medication, if the stuff you are on at the moment in not working. I struggle with my mental health before my period each month and my doctor prescribed Xanax that I can have if I feel I need it. I find it very effective.

@harrow92

I've completely failed - I went in this morning and had a full blown panic attack. Unleashed all of this onto a fellow colleague and was sent home. She was absolutely lovely, but I feel so ashamed! I just can't do it... no matter how much justifying with myself I do. My body feels completely uncontrollable - I feel almost detached from myself. I have no control.

And now - I don't know what to do. The thought of returning tomorrow sends me into almost another instant panic attack - at just the thought.... there isn't anything about it that draws me in.

But I have to work - because we have bills. I feel so trapped. And so frightened, really lost at how to navigate through this.

That’s heartbreaking to read OP, I’m so sorry- I have suffered from anxiety since my teens and know how awful it is. I’m guessing your work probably won’t be expecting you to go in tomorrow. As others have suggested maybe get signed off with stress for a few weeks and use that time to explore your options with regards to PIP, WFH opportunities etc. Please don’t be harsh with yourself as none of this is your fault and you WILL get through it

You need to go back to the doctor and try new medicine or adjust the dose of what you are on. Truth is power and in my experience my anxiety was at its worst when I was in a hot environment when I was pretending I wasn’t anxious. So could you tell people you have anxiety? Throw some light on it?

I think it might be useful to try to seperate out whether -

1. This specific situation (i.e. this job, in this school) - is causing your anxiety and the anxiety itself has never occured before.

or

1. Whether you have chronic anxiety which ebbs and flows but pre-dates this specific job.

If it is no 1 a job change, or addressing problems at this work place (in various ways) could work. if it is 2 - then you need to address the root of it - through a combination of medication and talking therapies.

Do you know which of these it is?

Sorry I have just re-read the OP and realise it has nothing to do with this school, and that you have been receiving support for 2 years.

In this case I think it is time to treat it like any illness. If the symptoms are not being contained by the current approach, or if the illness has changed course and worsened - the treatment needs to change course and/or intensify.

So - a return to the doctors, for a higher/different medication, and a change of course in terms of therapy (so, different therapist, different style of therapy, different frequency) - in addition to altered medication would possibly be the route to treat the illness at its core.

whilst you do that, if sick leave is necessary, so be it.

treating it as a sickness that is curently in a complex state will help you perahps to slightly detach from it and prevent it from getting mixed and merged with job/school etc.

Sick leave + revisiting therapy (changing style, person, frequency) + revisiting medication (reviewing dosage, frequency, nature) is what is in order i think

I told my colleague this morning as it was quiet apparent I was having a panic attack. She didn't have many options in regards to helping me within the workplace - the issue isn't there, it's with me. I know that.

I've done therapy, trialled different meds but nothing seems to change in-fact, it gets worse. And the triggers are always change. I believe I am suffering so badly currently because I've started a new job - and it's completely thrown me. I mentally cannot cope with it. It's so far out of my comfort zone, I've been forcing myself because 'you have bills to pay' lingers in my mind like a nagging guilt. But, this morning is the reality of what I'm putting my body and mind through in order to just show up everyday. It's like a prolonged torture. I've been there 3 weeks now and it hasn't got any easier, only worse. Probably not helped by the fact they've completely thrown me in with no clear direction - in fact, I couldn't tell you straight exactly what my job entails. I've been like a dear in headlights - and I'm by no means a stupid person.

I got married two months ago and feel like I've completely let my OH down. He's had nothing but complex situations from me to deal with since - he must be thinking what the hell have I got myself into.

• I have applied for a couple WFH jobs since I've been back at home from this morning. I definitely feel that would be much more bare-able for me than anything else right now. I just feel like such an embarrassment. And I'm clueless as to how to find something that works for me: nothing seems to!

Have responsibilities is such a sh*t - the world stops for no one right!

I've been exactly where you are. I knew I had a problem when I tried to break my foot with a hammer so I could justify taking a day off sick. Ultimately I got signed off and work eventually got rid of me.

I would say start doing something practical about your problem now before you get into such a pit of despair you can't do anything at all. Make a plan and a time schedule to leave. Put together ideas of what you want to do and start to look for jobs. If you'll need to work over school holidays, look at how you can get child care together. When you start to stress at work, get out your plans and review them to reassure yourself there is an active way out. Most importantly, ignore anyone who implies you're over-reacting. If they could visibly see your stress levels, they would think differently.

We all find different things stressful and there will be many things other people struggle to cope with, that you just breeze through. Never look at struggling to cope as a weakness, rather look at doing something about it and asking for help shows strength.

Good luck to you.

@harrow92

I've completely failed - I went in this morning and had a full blown panic attack. Unleashed all of this onto a fellow colleague and was sent home. She was absolutely lovely, but I feel so ashamed! I just can't do it... no matter how much justifying with myself I do. My body feels completely uncontrollable - I feel almost detached from myself. I have no control.

And now - I don't know what to do. The thought of returning tomorrow sends me into almost another instant panic attack - at just the thought.... there isn't anything about it that draws me in.

But I have to work - because we have bills. I feel so trapped. And so frightened, really lost at how to navigate through this.

You have to get a handle on your anxiety. Leaving a job will only make it worse I'm afraid. You need CBT to address your thought process and work from there. Splitting and running feels like the best thing but its not - its just fully validating that work is a 'scary place'. I had extreme anxiety and the only thing that worked is CBT and experiental trying things out. Medication is a bit of a crutch and would be comsidered by some therapists as aa SSB (Safety seeking behaviour). No easy answer - go to a Psychotherapist and start to fix this. Your issue is not work - its the drama thats grown up aruond it. Your issue is anxiety. If you try to have 'less anxious jobs' you just limit your life and it gets smaller and smaller.

@harrow92

I told my colleague this morning as it was quiet apparent I was having a panic attack. She didn't have many options in regards to helping me within the workplace - the issue isn't there, it's with me. I know that.

I've done therapy, trialled different meds but nothing seems to change in-fact, it gets worse. And the triggers are always change. I believe I am suffering so badly currently because I've started a new job - and it's completely thrown me. I mentally cannot cope with it. It's so far out of my comfort zone, I've been forcing myself because 'you have bills to pay' lingers in my mind like a nagging guilt. But, this morning is the reality of what I'm putting my body and mind through in order to just show up everyday. It's like a prolonged torture. I've been there 3 weeks now and it hasn't got any easier, only worse. Probably not helped by the fact they've completely thrown me in with no clear direction - in fact, I couldn't tell you straight exactly what my job entails. I've been like a dear in headlights - and I'm by no means a stupid person.

I got married two months ago and feel like I've completely let my OH down. He's had nothing but complex situations from me to deal with since - he must be thinking what the hell have I got myself into.

• I have applied for a couple WFH jobs since I've been back at home from this morning. I definitely feel that would be much more bare-able for me than anything else right now. I just feel like such an embarrassment. And I'm clueless as to how to find something that works for me: nothing seems to!

Have responsibilities is such a sh*t - the world stops for no one right!

What therapy have you tried?

OP I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It's not your fault xx

I actually thought I'd written your post and forgotten about it! I work in a school, TA, and am crippled with anxiety going to work. Sometimes I can't get into the car to drive there as the combination of driving plus working is too much. Luckily my DH will drive me on those days. I don't know why work makes me so anxious- I've done my job for over 6 years so none of it is new. I think its the "constant" nature of the job - I'm talked at, touched and on the go the whole day. It's exhausting. I adore the kids in my care, but feel they get the best of me because when I get home I need to retreat and have nothing left for my own children.

I hate feeling on display, 30 pairs of eyes watching your every move. I fight back panic attacks every morning.

Like you, I've tried various therapies but no success. My anxiety and panic stems from previous trauma, but knowing that doesn't help it or stop it.

So right now, I take the day minute by minute. Get ready. Get in the car. Drive with good music. Make coffee when I arrive. Break up up day between break, lunch and hometime. Its not perfect, but the smaller chunks feel more manageable.

Have you seen a psychiatrist (rather than a GP)? Sounds like you have tried sensible things with medication and therapy but could do with more specialist input. As it’s having such an impact I really would try and be seen. There should be something else they can suggest. Your GP can refer you to the Community mental health team (or if you can you could consider a private assessment).

I have to say, seeing others stories and knowing I'm not alone in this feeling - helps, so thank you for sharing that with me.

As I've mentioned in many above posts - I've exhausted all avenues to GP directed and self referred help. Except private - which I can't afford. It's £50+ an hour and I'm lucky to have £150 left to myself a month after bills and that's without fuel etc. I simply can't afford it.

I know I can't return now - I hide my anxiety to most people unless I'm immensely close to you. So, that display as what I see as weakness this morning, in a unfamiliar environment and seeking comfort from almost complete strangers has just absolutely thrown me in the 'cannot go there' place. I've been sat with myself all morning since being home trying to talk myself down. I'm getting nowhere but worked up even more.
Especially as the lady I sit in the office with is SO cold. The thought of having to walk back in their, knowing she'll know literally makes me want to crawl inside myself and hide.
I feel so so disappointed in myself - it was such a huge challenge for me to seek different employment - go to the interview let alone land the job and then go in on my first day. But from the get go, it didn't sit right with me, everyday was really hard and the nights weren't much better due to the impending dread of the following day ..... I actually only feel a little bit lighter every time I think to myself I don't have to go back.

But know what - I feel like my life's a mess and I have no idea how to turn it around.
I'm not sure where my anxiety and depression stemmed from. I remember being treated as a teenager after my father fell very suddenly, life changing ill - but, I've accepted that and moved past it. I don't know where this fresh hell comes from ... but I can't shift it. It doesn't matter what I do or think - nothing changes.

The only time I feel content is when I'm home and know I haven't got to commit to anything the following day - but, even that's changed since I've started this new job and now every weekend is full of trying to ignore the fact that I'm dreading the upcoming week and how I'm going to manage it..

I'm considering approaching my old employer. We had a good working relationship and it was like my second home. It would mean I'm settling and I know I have the potential to do bigger and better.. but at-least my mind was mostly at peace whilst working there and earning too. Although, there is nothing to say they'd accept me back now, although I was always a good worker, I did leave ... so they may hold some resentment.

So lost ...

@EddieVeddersfoxymop

I actually thought I'd written your post and forgotten about it! I work in a school, TA, and am crippled with anxiety going to work. Sometimes I can't get into the car to drive there as the combination of driving plus working is too much. Luckily my DH will drive me on those days. I don't know why work makes me so anxious- I've done my job for over 6 years so none of it is new. I think its the "constant" nature of the job - I'm talked at, touched and on the go the whole day. It's exhausting. I adore the kids in my care, but feel they get the best of me because when I get home I need to retreat and have nothing left for my own children.

I hate feeling on display, 30 pairs of eyes watching your every move. I fight back panic attacks every morning.

Like you, I've tried various therapies but no success. My anxiety and panic stems from previous trauma, but knowing that doesn't help it or stop it.

So right now, I take the day minute by minute. Get ready. Get in the car. Drive with good music. Make coffee when I arrive. Break up up day between break, lunch and hometime. Its not perfect, but the smaller chunks feel more manageable.

I applaud you for keeping it up. Your a much stronger individual than I am - I've lasted 3 weeks before letting it consume me..

Thank you for sharing with me. Xxxxx

@harrow92
*'remember being treated as a teenager after my father fell very suddenly, life changing ill - but, I've accepted that and moved past it. I don't know where this fresh hell comes from ... but I can't shift it. It doesn't matter what I do or think - nothing changes.

The only time I feel content is when I'm home and know I haven't got to commit to anything'*

This jumped out for me, all anxiety stems from trauma or a misplaced event percieved as dangerous. A therapist will help you piece this together. Please read what you wrote- it sounds like you have a deep seated anxiety that has perpetuated. Was this your dad getting sick suddenly? Home equals safety is a very important belief for those with anxiety particularly those who are agoraphobic.
Please look.at CBT and PTSD help through EMDR. It changed my life completely.

[quote Marvellousflowers]@harrow92
*'remember being treated as a teenager after my father fell very suddenly, life changing ill - but, I've accepted that and moved past it. I don't know where this fresh hell comes from ... but I can't shift it. It doesn't matter what I do or think - nothing changes.

The only time I feel content is when I'm home and know I haven't got to commit to anything'*

This jumped out for me, all anxiety stems from trauma or a misplaced event percieved as dangerous. A therapist will help you piece this together. Please read what you wrote- it sounds like you have a deep seated anxiety that has perpetuated. Was this your dad getting sick suddenly? Home equals safety is a very important belief for those with anxiety particularly those who are agoraphobic.
Please look.at CBT and PTSD help through EMDR. It changed my life completely.[/quote]
I almost feel I'm verging on agoraphobia. The only time I enjoy being out of the house is if I'm with someone I truly trust - my mum/husband/family or best friend. I don't completely recluse myself by any means - but I think this struggle is because I've just started and I haven't felt very grounded from the second I arrived. I feel I've been treated very flippantly - no induction - nothing. And I think it's completely thrown me. I can manage change, but I like to be weaned into it a little, in this case, I just expected the bare minimum of starting a new job somewhere - especially with them knowing I have no previous experience in this role just transferable skills. The lady I work beneath is a-bit of a cold person too - which several other colleagues have also started she's know for being and isn't very well liked. So that definitely plays apart.

It's all just so complicated in my brain - I wish it was as simple as others perceive it to be. I feel like what I need is time - time to focus and rebuild through professional channels - but the wait lists are huge - private is so expensive and time isn't on my side. I have responsibilities - I have to try and figure something out but every direction fills me with complete fear followed by a panic attack.. it's a mess!

I applaud you for keeping it up. Your a much stronger individual than I am - I've lasted 3 weeks before letting it consume me..

Don't look at in terms of strength and weakness. It's really unhelpful to your situation. I have a friend whose father had bowel cancer and he didn't go to the doctors to get diagnosed or treated. He just lived with the symptoms. My friend is proud of him that he was so strong. Dead but strong. Personally I think strength would be admitting he had a problem and asking for help.
Saying you can't do something and coping with the subsequently eyebrow raising of others is incredibly difficult and shows a lot of strength of mind to do it.
You need to stop beating yourself up for what you can't do and learn how to accept it certain jobs aren't for you. There's no point challenging yourself with a bigger and better job if it's going to make you miserable. That's not the point of living really, is it? Look for your challenges in hobbies or voluntary work that give you pleasure.