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Original poster

Sharing finances with partner on maternity leave

28 replies

Eg1870 · 14/10/2021 14:11

Hi,

Me and my partner are currently expecting our first child (unplanned pregnancy but very excited never the less) and im wondering how other people share finances? We do live together but don’t have any joint bills currently, as we are living with my mum at the moment so just paying her board individually, and we are in the process of saving up for a mortgage deposit. We have the same monthly income as we work at the same place, and currently our wage is our own but come maternity leave, obviously things are going to change dramatically for me. After my board and all my individual bills (car finance, insurance, phone bill etc), I am going to have around £100 spare when on maternity, whereas obviously my partner will still be getting his full time wage plus any bonuses (we work in sales). His monthly outgoings are also not as much as mine as he doesn’t drive, after his own bills, my partner will have at least £800 (that’s basic wage it will be more if he gets any bonus), but obviously we do also need to save a portion of what we have spare towards our mortgage deposit. I’m just wondering what other people would do in this situation and what you think the best way to share would be? I really don’t want to be having to ask him to send me money all the time as I’m so used to being independent and having my own money.

OP posts:

TreXX · 14/10/2021 14:16

Live together, child together, I would say split everything.

Never undervalue your contribution.

It's a mistake to think independence is tied to earnings. You need a partner who understands your worth.

Unpaid work is still work and arguably more valuable in the long run.

Also, start a pension even if it's a small one.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 14/10/2021 14:18

If he complains about supporting you charge him for 50 %of childcare for his own dc... After all he couldn't work either if he looked after his own dc...

Original poster

Eg1870 · 14/10/2021 14:23

He’s not exactly complained, he knows he will have to fund for a while. I just don’t know what the best way to do it would be to do, I suggested us both still getting paid into our individual accounts, paying bills out of there, he sends however much into our savings from his wage and then any spare money we send to a joint account we both have access to but I don’t know if he’s fond on the idea, he just said he would send me money when I needed it which I don’t really want to do.

OP posts:

Tigerwhocameforsupper · 14/10/2021 14:28

We turned my DH account into a joint one. I kept mine separate but obviously didn’t have much coming into it. I then just use the joint account for any spending that I need.

TreXX · 14/10/2021 14:32

@Eg1870

Nope, he shouldn't be in charge of family money.

It's family money now, pay all wages into a joint account. I don't do allowances with my husband as we're not that bothered about the other spending as they see fit, just checking in with eachother for big purchases - but you might decide on an equal allowance for both of you.

It should all be equal, there's no reason it shouldn't be.

And don't let childrearing and housekeeping be your job and he does the 9-5 and nothing else. Once he's clocked off he should get stuck in with bedtime, nappy changing, cuddling and making dinner/washing up. Looking after a baby all day is fing hard work even if you're not getting any extra done.

I repeat, do not undervalue yourself and don't let him either.

FirstTimeMommy2021 · 14/10/2021 14:35

Me and DH have quite a lot of monthly outgoings: mortgage, 2 financed cars, bills etc... our monthly outgoings are around £1750.
My maternity pay is roughly £600 a month. I'm putting £250 in the joint account a month, whereas he's putting £350 a week in.
It leaves me with £350 a month, after my phone bill and a couple other bills apparently I should have around £270 a month spare for 'me'
It runs out quickly if you're not super careful and strict with yourself over the month. A couple times I've dipped into my savings not by much, I'm talking the odd £20-30 or so which I replace once I get paid again. But it is tough especially with buying Xmas presents now. I try not to ask DH for money but if I need to he will give it me and I always ask when he wants it back and he'll say leave it which is good but, like you I've always been Independent too and I hate having to ask 🙈

TreXX · 14/10/2021 14:41

I've always been Independent too and I hate having to ask

Then pool your resources

Anything else is fake independence, it's devaluing yourself.

Know your worth.

I would really resent having to ask husband for money.

What's his is mine and vice versa

Viviennemary · 14/10/2021 14:42

Are you paying rent to your Mum.

GLE1870 · 14/10/2021 15:52

Yes we’re both paying my mum board

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/10/2021 19:42

Well you may not be fond of pushing a baby out or being awake most nights with a newborn- so sorry he needs to buck up and allow you access to the family money.

shivawn · 16/10/2021 10:32

@TreXX

I've always been Independent too and I hate having to ask

Then pool your resources

Anything else is fake independence, it's devaluing yourself.

Know your worth.

I would really resent having to ask husband for money.

What's his is mine and vice versa

@TreXX Well this may be ideal but not all couples are comfortable with it (in fact it seems as though the majority aren't) and from reading the OP's posts it doesn't sound like it would suit their relationship. Not disagreeing with you BTW, we share the same what's mine is yours attitude in my relationship, and its invaluable in terms of trust, security and commitment.

he just said he would send me money when I needed it which I don’t really want to do.

This is an absolutely terrible idea, you'll always be asking him for money and it will change the dynamic of your relationship. It makes things a bit more straightforward that you currently earn the same wage. I think the best thing is to split things evenly so that you both have the same amount after expenses for the duration of your maternity leave. Remember you're a team and you're in this together so it's the fairest solution.

cptartapp · 16/10/2021 10:45

Open a joint account for everything joint expense related including your child and rent, and pay proportionally into it as a % of your income by direct debit. He will pay much more in during Mat leave of course, and thereafter if you go pt. Or you'll pay more if he goes pt.
The remainder of your individual income is for each of you to spend or save as you wish, but the key thing is all childcare, nappies, clothes, nursery etc etc are a joint expense.
And don't forget your pension.

Ivy48 · 16/10/2021 10:51

I wouldn’t pool bills or joint account yet if you don’t have financial commitments like a house. I pay your bills separately, save x amount from his wage and then work out what’s left over. Say £600 is left between you then you both get £300 each to spend. Or him slightly more if he needs extra money for work etc

Babyroobs · 16/10/2021 11:16

Make sure you get the child benefit in your name. Not much but £80 ish a month will help.

Beekindbeehumble · 16/10/2021 12:08

I would charge him for 50% of all baby costs and as he does not drive he has no use of the car, if he does not pay half of the car costs.

SpeakingFranglais · 17/10/2021 07:31

But does he expect to be driven around?

Midgetwithaplan · 17/10/2021 07:38

If you're not happy with asking for money and he's not happy with pooling resources, why not ask him to take on paying for some of your regular bills, ie, your board and car insurance? That way some of your income is freed up and he also knows how much he's committing to paying rather than it being a blank cheque situation. Agree that all bonuses go on baby stuff or straight into savings and things should look a bit fairer

pianolessons1 · 17/10/2021 07:47

If not married then you'll need to be back in full time work ASAP. He pays half the childcare. Don't down size your career for a man who won't marry you. Ideal would be a quick registry office wedding before baby comes then all money is family money.

Walesrecommendations · 17/10/2021 07:49

We minused whatever I got in SMP from his wage, took off his petrol to get to work and split the rest the rest of his pay in half, then each paid into the joint account to cover bills as usual. That way we had the same amount of spending money.

8dpwoah · 17/10/2021 07:55

For us what we did was he took on my part of the household bills and I kept up paying my personal ones, I had saved up to cover the majority of the gap. We are doing that again this time, but we don't do our finances in the 'mumsnet approved' way anyway.

So in your shoes it would have been he'd pick up your board payment but you'd retain your own bills. However if the car is effectively shared because he needs you AND it then there's a conversation to be had about that I think. We each have our own and run them ourselves so that wasn't relevant to us.

Hattie765 · 17/10/2021 08:05

Everything is split 50/50, all money goes into a joint account which all bills come out of for you both. DP works while you look after baby but once he's home all baby/housework split equally. Put some money into your pension every month.

MrsBobDylan · 17/10/2021 09:28

I think you need to think beyond maternity leave op. You will have childcare costs and may have to drop to pt, so having your partner 'send you some money when you need it' isn't going to work.

He needs to realise that having a baby together means his money is your money.

DampSquidGames · 19/10/2021 12:39

While you are living with your DM would asking her to charge your DP more and you less help?

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 20/10/2021 16:11

@Eg1870

No no no This suggestion is a load of shit.

Set up a joint account all bills and all expenses for baby go out of it. This is your set up for her to kingdom come.

He needs to put his salary into that account in full and you put mat pay and at the end of the month what's left get spilt as personal spends into your own accounts and then any leftover goes into saving account.

Start as you mean to go on. Childcare costs will be here for decades.

My DH insisted on this type of set up so i wouldn't feel beholden to him.

Also if you are not married make sure you get back into work asap and make sure he pays for/shares childcare costs.

He needs to learn Kids cost cash!

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 20/10/2021 20:34

You combine what you both bring in, pay bills and save the into a joint account (in both names) an agreed amount, then split what's left so both have exactly the same amount of disposable money each month.

Otherwise he can fuck off out of your mums, pay proper rent elsewhere and have the CMS take 16% of his pre tax income in child support.

HTH!

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