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Original poster

How will I get a mortgage?

74 replies

lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 19:28

Hi everyone

First up I'd like to ask that you're all kind to me. My father passed away a few weeks ago and I am building up the courage to leave an abusive marriage.

The thought that goes round and round my head before I leave my marriage is how on earth will I be able to get a mortgage?

I have a daughter under the age of two, and am a SAHM at the moment. I will have child maintenance and a deposit of 230k, but i can't get a mortgage without a job so how on earth will I be able to house my daughter and I without renting?

I will obviously get a job in due course, I currently have a very small business from home.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I have a high deposit, high child maintenance which I am so grateful for - however I just don't know where to start. Shared ownership? Help to buy? What can I do?

Thankyou

OP posts:
Vancouverorbust · 03/10/2021 20:05

Are you named on the flat mortgage?

Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:06

No, I'm not named on the current mortgage. He's owned it for a lot longer than we've been married

OP posts:
TakeYourFinalPosition · 03/10/2021 20:07

Are you declaring your small business income? Do you make enough, or could you step it up enough, that you could get a self employed mortgage?

£230k could get you a 4 bed detached in the Midlands!

I’m in the Midlands and my one bed flat was recently valued at £190k. It really depends where you are, but there’s no houses here for £230k… two bed flats, maybe three bed if you negotiated well.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:07

I've considered relocating so many times to somewhere I can afford a house outright, but I'll be completely isolated from my family. I'm only in my early 20's and really need support from my mum. Especially with my dad dying and going through a divorce

OP posts:
Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:09

I make about £40 a month from my small business, it was just something on the side of being a mum that I enjoy. It's a VERY small business and not really noteworthy

OP posts:
CorrBlimeyGG · 03/10/2021 20:10

I don't have any advice but wanted to send you love and support. How we find strength to get through these things I don't know, but you will.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:10

Thankyou, it feels almost impossible at the moment 😞

OP posts:
FWBNC · 03/10/2021 20:12

I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad. My Dad died a few years ago, suddenly, & it totally floored me, let alone going through a relationship break down.

How do you feel/would your Mum feel about you moving in with her?

Is she able & willing to do any childcare?
Even if it's just until you get a mortgage sorted? (The fewer committed outgoings you have, the better).

Find a good mortgage broker and it'll be much easier.

There are LOTS of jobs out there right now, it'll just be a case of doing retail/hospitality/whatever's going until you either build up your business or find a job you want to do (nothing wrong with retail or hospitality, but both are pretty trying at the moment)

You're doing the right thing, separating from you 'D'H.💐

I'm not sure why some people are saying not to use him as a guarantor, he's the one taking the risk, not you!!

Also hope the bloody cladding thing gets sorted soon for you, so that you can sell the flat & get your money out of there!!

LeroyJenkinssss · 03/10/2021 20:15

Whereabouts are you? Sometimes we can get blinkered to what’s around us (or what we think is ok) and maybe people here can help you find somewhere.

TheGriffle · 03/10/2021 20:15

It’s a big ask I know but would it be possible for your mum to relocate with you? (Not move in together but move to the same town?) obviously if she has a job/friends/other family it wouldn’t be practical but it could be a possibility for you to keep your mums support and move to an area you can afford a house outright.

FWBNC · 03/10/2021 20:17

You're married though & you have a child together, so you'll be entitled to some of the profit from the flat, when you can sell it.

Be careful to get your inheritance AFTER you've done the necessary paperwork so he can't get any of it.

Don't move away from you mum & other family, find a way to live near them x

Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:17

Thankyou so much. My dad died suddenly too. I struggle with things like forms etc and my dad was always the one to help me. When I've asked my 'D'h for help in the past he's just called me stupid, and now my dad has passed away he's said to me that's one less person for me to be able to call now and what will I do and who will I turn to?

He's making me feel overwhelming lonely and like I can't do this.

My mum works full time unfortunately, so won't be able to provide childcare

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 03/10/2021 20:18

Be careful your h doesn't end up half that money.

FWBNC · 03/10/2021 20:18

@TheGriffle

It’s a big ask I know but would it be possible for your mum to relocate with you? (Not move in together but move to the same town?) obviously if she has a job/friends/other family it wouldn’t be practical but it could be a possibility for you to keep your mums support and move to an area you can afford a house outright.
She's not long lost her husband, she most probably doesn't want to leave their home & her friends/familiar places etc.
BluebellsGreenbells · 03/10/2021 20:19

You are early twenties and a mother - you have gained a lot of skills as a mum that you can use in the work place. Time management, multi tasking etc

There are plenty of jobs - even part time, these will add to your skills, time keeping, being trustworthy, dependable plus other skills.

Don’t give up!

Do you have many qualifications? Some colleges have baby minding services if you need them.

I would invest the money in so LISA’s as they give 25% bonus on savings. This will add to your pot for a home.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:19

I'm in central london at the moment, so the only thing I'll be able to afford with 230k here is a shed! 😅

OP posts:
FFSFFSFFS · 03/10/2021 20:19

How much would you need for a one bedroom flat?

Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:21

Wow Thankyou guys so much for all trying to help me, there are so many messages coming through my phone.

I will look into LISAS.

My parents weren't together but my mum does have a full time job and friends etc. She's lived there her whole life.

My dream would be to live in Devon. I adore the countryside so much, but it's just a stupid idea and I'd be so isolated

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/10/2021 20:22

You could take a lump sum out of that deposit to rent for a couple of years whilst you work on your job/ career. You still have a massive deposit- you could eventually buy a 2 bed flat further out zone wise in London.

LeroyJenkinssss · 03/10/2021 20:22

With that amount of money you are in a good position - I’m just so sorry that it has to come to you via inheritance.

It is definitely going to be a flat but I would really try and compromise so that you owned outright. Then no matter what you have a roof over your and your dc head and can go from there. It might be very different to what you are used to but it will be yours.

Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:24

I have quite a lot of customer service experience. I have worked in private banks and prestigious companies in London for along time and had quite a good career until I stopped working after my husband and I got married

I could definitely go back into it, but even then I wouldn't be able to afford a property in London. Also after all the recent murder cases here I don't feel particularly safe in London.

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 03/10/2021 20:24

Can you move in with your mum temporarily until you get on your feet?

Original poster
lollypop29 · 03/10/2021 20:26

Yes, I would prefer to own outright so I don't have to worry about a mortgage, I am incredibly lucky to have a large sum of money to help me, but it just isn't enough to own outright where my mum lives or even anywhere remotely close. She lives in one of the most expensive parts of the country 😞

OP posts:
BeeTweep · 03/10/2021 20:26

Could you get a 1-2 bed flat within an hour of where your mum lives?

Maybe Norfolk, or Northampton way?

toocold54 · 03/10/2021 20:29

I think you should (if possible) move in with your mum until you get a job or move further away to get a larger house and see if your mum can stay with you for a week or 2 until you get yourself sorted.

I think you will be more stressed having to pay a mortgage each month than buying somewhere outright and not worrying about money as much even though you won’t have immediate support around you.