No will - is life insurance subject to intestacy rules and would this cause a delay?

[drylavender]

My DH has no will. I’m a SAHM with young DC and have been asking him to sort this out for years. DH tells me that he has life insurance and that I’d get a payout from his work too if he died however I worry that it would form part of his estate and be subject to interstacy rules without a will, and that no will will cause a delay even though I’m named as beneficiary. I’m financially reliant on him so this is a massive worry. If he died I wouldn’t even be able to cover next months bills as his salary goes into his personal account. I’ve looked on the life insurer provider’s site but some of the info seems contradictory to me. In one part it makes it sound as though it’s easy if a beneficiary is named but then in another it says not having a will can make it more complicated and interstacy could apply. He knows how worried I am - I regularly lose sleep over it and ask him to get a will made but I can’t make him sort it out. So I will worry less if the life insurance isn’t affected by not having a will as long as a beneficiary is named. Does anyone know anything about this?

who does your dp bank with and do you have a bank account with the same bank?

does your dp have more than £20k in the bank

I do remember a neighbour who when her husband died she found he had put their son down on thew or life insurance - this didn't form part of the estate and it was paid directly to the son and bypassed the widow - whether that would be the case for you and your dp I don't know

but what I do know is that when I had to sort my relatives account recently and they had a few bank account but not with really large sums in - all less than £20k - the banks were very good at just handing over the money as it was small amount, didn't ask to see the will and no need to wait for probate, the quickest was the bak we both banked with and took 24 hours

as an aside why would he be so incredibly cruel to his children and wife? just getting simple mirrored wills is easy and so much kinder

Our joint account is with the same bank that DH banks with. My personal account is with a different bank.

He has less than £20k. Thanks, that’s helpful.

Our first child was very young when we sorted life insurance so that’s very unlikely and he knows that I’d need help financially to look after the children if he died.

A mixture of not seeing the need as he thinks nothing will happen to him and laziness I think.

any joint account you will have access to if your dh died

his sole account being with the same bank is very helpful in the situation

I will also add I found it a very easy process with the banks

Most have online process for bereavement
lloyds were really good and online service - very quick
Halford - part of lloyds so lloyds dealt with them for me and the money was transferred swiftly
Barclays ok service and online but took a couple or three weeks to sort out
Nationwide - only 43p in account but no online service to shut account and so ive not bothered...14 months later

There is a lot to do when someone dies and it is a stressful time, the more its all in order the better for those left behind

do you have a will?

Thanks, that’s really helpful.

Yes, that’s what I’m thinking. I don’t cope well under stress and get stressed at the smallest things so I’d much rather get things in order now.

I did, but my will is invalid since getting married. I have zero to my name. I’m joint on the mortgage but it’s nowhere near paid off. DH would cope fine without me. The guardianship of the DC in case we both died would be the main reason to sort mine out however we have no one that stands out as being the obvious choice and it would decide on personal circumstances of family members at the time.

So if you don’t have a will you can hardly berate your oh for not having one…

Book an appointment for yourself and then ask your dh if he wants to join you

If you RTFT this has been asked and covered. He doesn’t need a penny from me in order to look after the children if I die. I can’t just book an appointment for myself because I do not have the money. The joint account has just enough to transferred into it cover the bills each month.

Just enough transferred into it to cover the bills each month. No spare for spending on anything else. Any jobs that need doing around the house I have to wait for him to sort because it comes from his personal account.

Are you 100% sure your pre-marriage wills are invalid? (Sorry if you've answered this already - I skipped a bit) If they were drawn up professionally they might not be, depending on the date.

@drylavender

Just enough transferred into it to cover the bills each month. No spare for spending on anything else. Any jobs that need doing around the house I have to wait for him to sort because it comes from his personal account.

Honestly I think this is borderline financial abuse. I realise it may just be a situation that’s arisen through habit and circumstance but if he doesn’t sort this out now, giving you equal access to money and clarity and visibility over what’s coming in and what’s going out, after you’ve told him that’s what you need, then I’d be worried. Being a SAHP puts you in a vulnerable position and in an ideal world your household finances would stretch to still contribute to a pension for you, as well as putting savings in your name etc.

Just enough transferred into it to cover the bills each month. No spare for spending on anything else. Any jobs that need doing around the house I have to wait for him to sort because it comes from his personal account.

I'm sorry, I replied before to just the will question.

As a SAHP (stay at home parent, caring for children rather than working outside the home), not having free access to the family money (not just what he gives you into the joint account) is abuse.

This is not OK.

Start by doing some reading up and maybe try the freedom programme (free, online) to get you started.

You are worried about what would happen if he died, when what you really need to be awake to is this economic abuse in the here snd now. Good luck, I hope you get it sorted.

Signs of abuse
Does he control your money, or make sure you are dependent on him for everyday things?

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/en/What-is-abusee*

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk

Sees so strange to me that you say you have no idea if the finances are fair as you have no idea how much disposable income he has? Presumably you have no idea of how much he has in savings either? Very odd. As your married all his savings are your saving too if anything were to happen so what's the big secret and why make it hard for you to access money, share financial decisions when your supporting the family while he works which is surely a decision you came to together. Wouldn't be happy with any of this to be honest.

Totally agree with @FinallyHere here! How could you leave if you ever wanted to? You have no money, no access to money and from what you have said no real family connections. Very worrying OP. As per my last comment, I can't understand his rational or motives but I wouldn't be happy and id be wary, you may be best going back to work and discussing child care so at least you can try have access to your own money, maybe a small savings pot and some current employment on your cv.

OP - just cover the guardianship issue, you absolutely can put this into a will
The named guardians are those who decide who will take care of your DC, does not necessarily have to be them
We have named my sister and DH's oldest brother and between them they would make the best decision at the time based on ages/circumstances etc.

TheNature no I’m not sure. I don’t know where our copies are and the solicitor no longer exists.

Thanks NoSquirrels and Finallyhere. I get what you’re saying. I don’t think it’s being done intentionally, it’s just how things have worked out because our finances were separate for many years and that just hasn’t changed.

I have no idea of his finances because I can’t access his personal statements and his computer has a password on it (plus I’m not particularly interested). I know roughly about his savings because he’s saving for something and every now and again tells me how’s much he has saved up for it so far. All bills are paid for so I’ve had no need to know about his personal account really - I’ve always been happy with the arrangement.

It would be very difficult to leave if I wanted to. I guess I’d have to start work first. I’m close to my family but live hundreds of miles away from them so they’re not there for day to day support and I would never choose to uproot the children to be closer as we’re very happy where we live.

Thanks jackstini, that’s really helpful to know. I’d presumed it meant the children would have to go to the named guardians. In that case we could name a few people. Our parents would likely be too old, our siblings have their own children and various things going on so it really would have to be a decision made on their circumstances at the time.

don’t think it’s being done intentionally, it’s just how things have worked out because our finances were separate for many years and that just hasn’t changed.

It's never going to be easy to realise that things have changed and you have sleepwalked into this situation. It doesn't matter whether it is on purpose.

It is not right.

Point this out to him. Now that you have children, you are facilitating his ability to go to work and earn. You have an equal right to access money he happens to earn outside the hone.

It's really not right that he is treating his earning as his own. His reaction when you point out the inequality will tell you all you need to know.

Good luck.

@drylavender....... I think the fact that your husband doesn't have a will is the least of your worries. He is careless with financial documentation. He keeps you in the dark about his savings. Do you even know how much he earns? You have no access to savings which ought to be joint. He only gives you just enough for basic bills.

And there is evidently no financial planning, no financial goals. What about saving for retirement? Presumably he has a pension from his work - but what about you? You are working as well, even though you are not currently earning. You should have a private pension funded through his earnings until you are able to reenter the workforce.

What about the children and their education, both formal and extracurricular? How will their university fees and living costs be funded?

What about upkeep of the house? How will major refurbishments be funded, say if the bathroom needs remodelling? How do you deal with major car repairs and replacements?

I fear you are the only grown-up in this relationship and need to educate yourself about all this, because he clearly won't. You may also want to consider your position as a SAHM and start focusing on your own future career. I would not want to be so totally dependent on a man-child...

Thanks.

I know roughly how much he earns. He has a private pension and I’m named on that in case anything happens to him. I make sure my stamp is paid so there are no gaps for state pension purposes.

I had to get a student loan to fund university and had no help from my parents whatsoever so I wouldn’t worry about planning for that.

We’ve have done various things to the house as we’ve lived here a long time. DH deals with that, as he has the money. I don’t have a car.

He has a spreadsheet to keep track of finances (I don’t have access to it, just see him updating it).

He has a spreadsheet to keep track of finances (I don’t have access to it, just see him updating it).

So… he’s saving for something (joint finances related, like a holiday or house upgrade, or for himself?), he has a spreadsheet he updates so is aware of and tracking finances - he’s not lazy and just hasn’t bothered to make it equal, it seems like to me. It doesn’t sound like it’s a lack of financial literacy.

But that’s an outsider’s perspective.

You say you’ve always been happy with it - are you happy with not knowing exactly how the financial future is set up?

At a minimum the savings should be 50-50 or in joint names, you should have visibility over the family financial state of affairs (even if you’re not the one doing the detail or day to day stuff) and you should be investing in a private pension or other form of investment for you, not just him.

I’d put my foot down firmly on this - get him to show you the spreadsheet, go through twist is held where, insist on setting up savings accessibly for you as well as him - and if nothing changed you’d need to wonder if it was, in fact, not quite so harmless as you’d presumed. Because none of that is difficult to do and there’s no reason not to.

If he can update a spreadsheet he can leave a greater float in the joint account and put the savings into joint names.

He has a spreadsheet to keep track of finances (I don’t have access to it, just see him updating it).

This is so, so wrong.

Have you asked for access and been refused? Or just not asked yet?

If you are married, have children together, you really should have access to the finances. Whether you contribute outside or just inside the home.

Anything else is economic abuse.

It might not be easy to hear, it might be easier to say that's just how it has always bee. Please, ask and see what response you get.

He has a private pension and I’m named on that in case anything happens to him. I make sure my stamp is paid so there are no gaps for state pension purposes.

Do you know how much (how little...) the UK state pension is?

Supposing you divorce at some point........ would you be able to manage on this and whatever else you might manage to save (which is currently..... nothing)?

It doesn't sound like you have fair access to family funds. What money do you have access too? Is it enough to cover what you need and for emergencies?

@NoSquirrels

He has a spreadsheet to keep track of finances (I don’t have access to it, just see him updating it).

So… he’s saving for something (joint finances related, like a holiday or house upgrade, or for himself?), he has a spreadsheet he updates so is aware of and tracking finances - he’s not lazy and just hasn’t bothered to make it equal, it seems like to me. It doesn’t sound like it’s a lack of financial literacy.

But that’s an outsider’s perspective.

You say you’ve always been happy with it - are you happy with not knowing exactly how the financial future is set up?

At a minimum the savings should be 50-50 or in joint names, you should have visibility over the family financial state of affairs (even if you’re not the one doing the detail or day to day stuff) and you should be investing in a private pension or other form of investment for you, not just him.

I’d put my foot down firmly on this - get him to show you the spreadsheet, go through twist is held where, insist on setting up savings accessibly for you as well as him - and if nothing changed you’d need to wonder if it was, in fact, not quite so harmless as you’d presumed. Because none of that is difficult to do and there’s no reason not to.

If he can update a spreadsheet he can leave a greater float in the joint account and put the savings into joint names.

Great post from @NoSquirrels

Also as a SAHP you should I not be reliant on a state pension. A private pension should have been set up when you stopped working to ensure you are both paying into a pension.

Please OP consider how vulnerable you are both now and in the future. This is not okay