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Original poster

I'm worried how I'm going to manage..

68 replies

visitinghours · 21/08/2021 13:27

I worked full time until having DS, earning about £1,100 a month. After I had him I didn't return to my job and worked in a cafe. The cafe has now massively reduced its opening hours as a result of COVID - meaning they can only give me 3 hours (£30) a week. I'm currently pregnant and due in 6 weeks so not an ideal time to look for a job.

DP's wage can cover all household bills and be said he can give me £150 a month for "me" even.. but I'm just worried how I'm going to cope. Silly things like new clothes or getting my hair done. I stupidly got rid of a lot of clothes I didn't think I wore over lockdown and wished I hadn't as now I can't afford to replace. I don't want to rush back to work after DD is born either though - I currently don't have a job to rush back to anyway.

The cafe aren't being very quick in letting me know if I'm entitled to maternity (I'm not sure if I earned enough) and if not I want to try to get maternity allowance but can't until they pull their finger out and it's stressing me out.

Have any of you managed on a period of no income of you own?

OP posts:
Pissinthepottyplease · 21/08/2021 14:20

I’m a SAHM and DH earns similar to yours and we both have a £200 a month personal spending money.

You really need to sit down with your partner and work out your family income and out goings and make a budget.

Original poster
visitinghours · 21/08/2021 14:40

@NanooCov it's really confusing to me as I didn't have a set monthly wage it depended on what hours were going. Some months (rarely) I earned £600 and others it could be £200 or less, and I've then been on furlough since April 2018 so I really don't know how to work out the entitlement and I think to claim maternity allowance I need my employer to sign a form saying I didn't earn enough for SMP but they haven't even tried working it out for me yet? It's very confusing.
The £150 is just for me, clothes etc. He would give me extra to get bits for DS or the baby.

OP posts:
Goofers · 21/08/2021 14:42

[quote visitinghours]@NanooCov it's really confusing to me as I didn't have a set monthly wage it depended on what hours were going. Some months (rarely) I earned £600 and others it could be £200 or less, and I've then been on furlough since April 2018 so I really don't know how to work out the entitlement and I think to claim maternity allowance I need my employer to sign a form saying I didn't earn enough for SMP but they haven't even tried working it out for me yet? It's very confusing.
The £150 is just for me, clothes etc. He would give me extra to get bits for DS or the baby.[/quote]
But again, “he” shouldn’t be “giving” you anything. You should have full and equal access to household money. It’s not his to hand out as he sees fit.

LIZS · 21/08/2021 14:43

You need to look at pay slips for the qualifying weeks. How long have you worked there?

LIZS · 21/08/2021 14:44

Agree "giving" sounds very patronising. Working to a budget less so. Do you have joint accounts?

Chocolatebuttercream · 21/08/2021 14:44

He shouldn't be giving you anything no, but on the face of it you seem fine financially if you can have 150 a month just for you? I wouldn't be worried if I were you.

Chocolatebuttercream · 21/08/2021 14:45

Sorry if that post wasn't clear- I didn't mean you shouldn't be providing you with money! I meant he shouldn't be 'giving' you an amount, it should all be shared money and an agreement between you.

smiales01 · 21/08/2021 14:54

Good God, I think you need to talk to him. Maybe he doesn't realise the baby isn't his 🤔🙄

£150pm just for you to use on what you want (clothes, make up etc) is more than enough surely? Is the issue that you've never paid into the household stuff before so essentially you've had all of your salary for you? I understand that will feel like a huge cutback. Essentially though this is reality, you are starting a family, but your partner does have to accept there's a change for him too. It's not just you.

smiales01 · 21/08/2021 14:56

@smiales01

Good God, I think you need to talk to him. Maybe he doesn't realise the baby isn't his 🤔🙄

£150pm just for you to use on what you want (clothes, make up etc) is more than enough surely? Is the issue that you've never paid into the household stuff before so essentially you've had all of your salary for you? I understand that will feel like a huge cutback. Essentially though this is reality, you are starting a family, but your partner does have to accept there's a change for him too. It's not just you.

Sorry I meant doesn't realise the baby IS his not ISN'T 😄
Original poster
visitinghours · 21/08/2021 15:04

@LIZS

You need to look at pay slips for the qualifying weeks. How long have you worked there?
The qualifying weeks were all when I was on furlough which was around £420 a month? They never ever send wage slips so I'm going to have to chase them for them.
OP posts:
Original poster
visitinghours · 21/08/2021 15:10

Yes I think the issue is since I've worked in the cafe that money (£400ish) was just for me - and I still managed to spend it. I would get the odd top up shop or treats for DS with that though.
We have a joint account I used to contribute to when I was working full time but I haven't put anything in that since DS was born. Neither of us have a card for the joint account it's just simply to put money in to pay the bills. We each have separate accounts for stuff for ourselves.

OP posts:
Chocolatebuttercream · 21/08/2021 15:12

So up until now he's been paying all the bills and and giving you a top up? How much money does he have left over to spend on himself?

FlowerArranger · 21/08/2021 15:15

Just wanted to point out that you must not stop the child benefit. Even though your partner will have to pay it back via his PAYE, it will give you credits for your National Insurance, i.e. it will count towards your state pension eligibility.

I would further add that I'd press ahead with the plans to get married. A register office wedding is all you need to ensure you are protected. As a low income partner you are currently in a vulnerable position.

Also, in addition to giving you 'pocket money' Shock, he ought to be making contributions to your private pension plan. You really need to think ahead!

FlowerArranger · 21/08/2021 15:17

It is concerning that your employer is not giving you wage slips. Are you sure they are paying your NI?

Original poster
visitinghours · 21/08/2021 15:19

@FlowerArranger a lot of things they do is concerning to be honest. I'm not sure I earn enough to pay NI? I've had wage slips from them but very few. Ive worked there since august 2018 x

OP posts:
Original poster
visitinghours · 21/08/2021 15:20

@Chocolatebuttercream

So up until now he's been paying all the bills and and giving you a top up? How much money does he have left over to spend on himself?
Yes he pays everything. He didn't give me a top up when I was working but he did when I was furloughed every so often. I think he maybe has £100/£200 for himself? He plays paintball which costs him about £80 time and he does that once or twice a month. Then he'll buy himself the odd pair of trainers or something like that x
OP posts:
UserStillatLarge · 21/08/2021 15:25

The key point is that you and DH need to sit down and work out how much you actually spend - splitting this down into "needs" and "wants".

I don't know why posters are jumping on the idea of him giving you £150 a month for yourself - if you have separate finances and he covers all bills and there isn't more money spare .... then that seems pretty reasonable. But you do need to understand the family budget to know whether this is the case and how much disposable income that you as a family have.
Also look at what that £150 is to cover- I'd suggest it shouldn't include things for the baby.

wedwewerpink · 21/08/2021 15:25

Wow wow wow....hang on a minute are you ACTUALLY saying he spends 80-160 PER WEEK on fucking paintballing!! That's the craziest thing I have heard! What a waste!! Thats somewhere between 4-8k a year!! No way would I be letting that happen sorry but that's just being utterly STUPID with money!!

namechange30455 · 21/08/2021 15:30

You need to have a conversation about drawing up a household budget so that you know what the situation is. It doesn't sound like you have a clue about your household finances. Do people not talk about things like this before they decide to move in together and have a baby?!

namechange30455 · 21/08/2021 15:31

@wedwewerpink

Wow wow wow....hang on a minute are you ACTUALLY saying he spends 80-160 PER WEEK on fucking paintballing!! That's the craziest thing I have heard! What a waste!! Thats somewhere between 4-8k a year!! No way would I be letting that happen sorry but that's just being utterly STUPID with money!!
Calm down. She said once or twice a month!

It's still not ideal when she's worrying about money!

emilybemilyboo · 21/08/2021 15:34

I m sorry i dont get any of that...How can you worry about money with his income?I earn 14.000 a year I might get only 1200 a year top up through Universal Credit and my fridge is always full bills paid for i get to take my daughter out on trips and we always have clothes on our back.Are you sure you are not overspending?Unless yours husband pends money on himself.Have you told him you are worried about money?

Shelby10 · 21/08/2021 15:35

It sounds like you just need to sit down and budget. Enquire about maternity pay through direct.gov, then see what you will actually have coming in and going out. List all
of the essentials and be realistic. Include food, petrol etc.
Then see what’s left and decide how you’ll split it. As in save any or spend it all.. and split it between you equally or not. Personally I think it should be equal or there abouts but I appreciate everyone is different. It might mean you both have to cut back on luxuries you both enjoy until you are back working again. And definitely look at the food shopping. I go to Aldi and Lidl for 80% of our groceries and household necessities and it really does help

wedwewerpink · 21/08/2021 15:40

@UserStillatLarge thank bloody god!! I thought it said once or twice a WEEK!!! 🤣🤣🤣I nearly died!!

wedwewerpink · 21/08/2021 15:40

@namechange30455 I meant to tag you in that last one sorry 🙈