Who pays for what in your relationship?

[Rach2021]

I was wondering how other households work.
How do you pay for everything in the house (ie rent/mortgage/bills/foodshop/car insurance ect) and then how do you pay for days out/dates/holidays ect.

I'd like to see scenarios from both partners working and 1 working 1 at home.

Thanks

Rach

We have joint accounts. I'm becoming a SAHM in November and won't be going back to work

I earner one at home here. We have a joint credit card that we do all spending on that gets paid off each month. Also a joint account that all the bills get paid from.

Today 04:18 Aquamarine1029

Chicchicchicchiclana
How can 1 at home not working contribute anything?
Are you having a laugh? Is this really a genuine question?

We yes. O/p asks how finances are set up, shared, who pays for what.

Then says she’s like to hear from both working couples, and those with one at home.

In the case of one at home, it’s fairly obvious how finances are set up as the sahp isn’t bringing in an income. They aren’t paying the mortgage or electricity bill.

Yes they are contributing in non- financial ways, but that wasn’t the /p’s question. It’s a moot point as everything will be directly paid for by the only earner.

We both have small property income from before we were married which goes into each of our separate accounts (after mortgage and maintenance it's a very small amount). Aside from that, everything that is earned goes into joint account for us both to spend as we see fit.

Everything is pooled. Both have debit cards for all accounts. No credit cards.

I'm a sahm, so all the money is earned/bills paid by dh, but it's all 'ours'. When I was working, I usually paid for food and bits and bobs, but dh always paid the lions share as he has always earned far more than me.

@Aquamarine1029

"Are you having a laugh? Is this really a genuine question?"

Of course it's a genuine question. Why do you have a problem with it?

The question was "How do you pay for everything in the house?" and "I'd like to see scenarios from both partners working and 1 working 1 at home."

How could a partner at home not working contribute financially? Unless they had a massive trust fund or something. OP's question is odd.

I'm surprised you need it spelled out to you as it is only a short op, not much to read there.

We both work and have similar salaries. We don't have kids. We have separate accounts. I pay all the bills from my account basically because he moved in with me and all the direct debits were already set up on my account. He transfers money to my account each month to cover half the bills. We also have a joint account account. We transfer the same amount into this each month and use this for food shopping and also meals out.

We pay half each for holidays. For things like the cinema and days out we usually take turns to 'treat' each other.

@YerAWizardHarry

We pay a proportion of our household bills dependent on our salary (currently 55/45) and then pay for our own “personal” bills (phone/car expenses) dates and food shopping we tend to take turns but not in a strict “well I paid last time!!” type of thing

Same in our household too.

"So am I - although not a muppet and don’t need patronising. Your suggestion is truly mysoginstic. The financial contribution SAHM or women working part-time or women working in ‘non career advancing’ roles is a huge financial contribution if it allows men to gain rapid progress and boost the family income.

Women raising children at home are reducing child care costs.
They are the ones who deal with the hassle and free up their partner or spouse to do what needs to be done to earn more."

This is a masterclass in being patronising, LemonRoses. Don't you dare call me a misogynist. I was a sahm for the best part of 9 years. I don't need lessons in what I contributed financially to the family FFS.

But it doesn't answer the OP's question "Who pays for what in your household" does it?

My partner pays rent, council tax and phone bill. I pay insurance, water, gas, electric, food shopping, clothing etc.

Both have own accounts. We split everything in half. Both have own cars so we just pay our own.
Grocery shopping we tend to spend the sen each week so dh leaves cash out for me. He pays childminder as I work slightly less hours so earn a bit less.
Mortgage I put half into his account each month.
I would hate to have shared money.

Same (not sen)

Dh pays for all bills, I work part time and pay for all the extras and some savings. We both have access to all accounts but don’t touch each other’s accounts, only the joint.

if it allows men to gain rapid progress

Yet thousands of men an DP women progress in their careers without a non working adult at home. What i or DH earn or progress to is down to us as individuals, I’d not be happy if DH proclaimed I could only do it because of him.

DH pays for everything as he earns far more than me. I work full time and I save most of my salary. I spend some money on the grandchildren.

Tbh I only progressed in my career because of dh. I was made redundant and decided to retrain. I could only do that because he was paying all the bills. Likewise, when he was made redundant, we just about kept afloat in the year it took for him to find work because of my income. We supported each other financially and emotionally, which is what I’d expect from a marriage or partnership.

Are you coming back @Rach2021 ?

We've only got one account. Whatever is left in it before payday gets transferred to savings. Both working, earn similar amounts, but we would do it this way regardless, it makes life much easier.

In reality, DH never buys anything. So I am always spending his money

Wow thanks to everyone who replied I didn't think so many would I'm also really surprised most pot in regardless of wage and fairly divide the left over money. As some have very well put it, you are in a relationship and the goal is to keep a sturdy home.

I've never done it like this and I'm shocked how the majority do but it makes so much sense. I guess it's time to find a like minded partner.

Do people who put both their salaries into one account feel awkward when buying things for themselves/ treating themselves to the hairdressers etc?

I'm just curious as this has always held me back from wanting to do this as I feel like I'm 'using up the family money'

Before children we each put 80% of our salary into a joint account which covers all household costs plus anything we do together (holidays, dinners, etc) plus our travel expenses. This was more than we needed so we also built up some joint savings. The other 20% was personal money to spend on whatever we want and covers clothes, hobbies, socialising individually and presents to each other.

Post children we changed things slightly as I had less pay during mat leave and then we both went part time. So we each get 20% of our old salaries to keep that constant which changes the proportions we pay, though not by much, and between that and the childcare costs for the days we both work we no longer save much. But we have enough and we both feel our system works for us.

@Chicchicchicchiclana

"So am I - although not a muppet and don’t need patronising. Your suggestion is truly mysoginstic. The financial contribution SAHM or women working part-time or women working in ‘non career advancing’ roles is a huge financial contribution if it allows men to gain rapid progress and boost the family income.

Women raising children at home are reducing child care costs.
They are the ones who deal with the hassle and free up their partner or spouse to do what needs to be done to earn more."

This is a masterclass in being patronising, LemonRoses. Don't you dare call me a misogynist. I was a sahm for the best part of 9 years. I don't need lessons in what I contributed financially to the family FFS.

But it doesn't answer the OP's question "Who pays for what in your household" does it?

Specifically, we have always both paid for all things. There is no he pays or I pay. WE pay. That is exactly what hair our household regardless of how the income has been generated.

And yes absolutely misogyny to perpetuate the myth that women are not contributing financially if they get less in their pay packets than their spouse. To perpetuate the idea that women are not paying as much is one of the reasons traditional women’s work is undervalued.

We each keep back an agreed equal amount for spending on whatever we want (nights out, new clothes or any other bits we want to buy ourselves). The rest goes into the joint account which is used for bills, shopping, stuff the kids need, family days out, etc. Whatever is left at the end of the month goes into joint savings.

@Dotdotlineline

Do people who put both their salaries into one account feel awkward when buying things for themselves/ treating themselves to the hairdressers etc?

I'm just curious as this has always held me back from wanting to do this as I feel like I'm 'using up the family money'

No as the account has both our salaries in so I never feel guilty spending money I have worked for. I would feel very different if not contributing to an account I was spending from though.