Helping Gen X parents

[Pepsi9090]

Hi all.

Looking for some advice and inspiration.

I'm late 20s, bought a house with DP, we are comfortable financially, both decent careers with decent savings for our ages. No plans for kids.

My parents have found themselves in a pickle. They've never been savers, don't own a house, think my mum has sod all pension as self employed, relying on my step dad as he has/had a decent career until now.

my step dad had a severe medical emergency, as a result, he can no longer do his job. It's currently all in the process of reviewing whether he will be medically fit for another role, but that's still up in the air. He will potentially get a redundancy sum of they go that route. He will also have a decent pension when he gets to retirement age, but he's a long way off that yet.

Either way, their income will be changing over the next 12 months.

I would like to help them in small ways, which won't completely ruin my own financial stability.

Do you have any suggestions how to? I thought along the lines of buying them groceries, sending £50 at the weekends so they can spend on a treat or whatever they want, taking them out to meals etc? I'm not really sure.

I can't afford to give them thousands of pounds in help in one go.

I'm at a bit of a loss if I'm honest, has anyone been in this situation before?

Is he getting sick pay from his employer? Either statutory or enhanced as that will make a difference. If his company are paying his salary for say the next 6 months then that gives a bit of breathing space. And they can start cost cutting/making savings. Are they asking for money? If you give them money and they spend it on fags and booze rather than the leccy bill how will you feel? Once you start it will be really hard/impossible to stop. Probably better to encourage them to go through their budget and do some pruning.

You say gen x but that's a wide age range
How old are they? This will help understand if they are close to retirement or if he needs to think about several years before retirement
I'm which case thinking about retraining so he can work with his health issues is possibly a way forward.

I wouldn’t do anything yet other than perhaps put a bit aside just in case for them. That’s if you can. It is surprising how things can turn out. Your mum might step up and find a better paid job, your dad may be back into employment, benefits might be applicable and enough, they may downsize and simplify their lives. At the moment no one will know what might happen.
If financial help is needed, perhaps look at paying a bill such as telephone or electricity for them. You would know exactly how much you are spending, there’s no issue you getting cross if they are perceived to be frittering ‘your’ money away and it’s less likely to be seen as charity by them.
You can always take them out for a meal - just because it’s nice!

Sorry this has happened and well done for thinking ahead and wanting to help.

Thanks for the replies.

He's getting enhanced sick pay (full wage) which gives them some breathing space for now. It's all a bit up in the air at the moment what is happening, but with him definitely not being able to do his old role this has obviously thrown up financial concerns and worries as he was the main earner.

Step dad turning 50 soonish, mum slightly older.

I will definitely encourage them to go through their budget, they are both spenders and love 'nicer' things, I did give them some money last month, which they immediately spent on a really random piece of furniture which has 0 use but to 'match' something else!! So I was hoping if I buy them groceries, or take them for meals that might be a better way forward?

you need to find your own firm boundaries and stick to them.

What benefits can they apply for -- do they know how to apply for benefits?

Yes totally agree about the benefits side of things, it hasn't quite been 3 months since my step dad suffered what he did, so he hasn't been able to put in a claim yet, but it is looking like he will be entitled to some disability benefits.

As soon as the three month mark hits I will make sure they are applying for it.

They already rent a small house, so no potential for downsizing there, I think it will just be taking a harsh look at their spending on unnecessary clothes, designer crap, their ridiculous car etc

Don't give them money now. They don't need it now. He has full salary and they are daft with money, buying non-essential furniture. Put £50 per week aside into an emergency fund in your own name that you can then dip into when they actually genuinely need the money and are hard up enough not to waste it on trivia.

Does he have any insurance to cover this? Critical illness or income something (sorry, can't remember what it's called). If he has that then you won't need to worry.

I’m a similar age to them and I’ve got almost 17 years until I get my pension. That would be an awfully long time for you to be potentially helping them out. As others have advised, I wouldn’t set a precedent at this stage, but probably would create a mini bail-out fund in case it’s needed. And I absolutely wouldn’t mention it to them.
Maybe sometimes supplement their groceries with some nice to haves? My mum used to do this when I was young and hard up & it was lovely, but she’d never do the actual shopping for me (if that makes sense). Then you’re very clear about not falling into patterns that become unsustainable

Are they finance savvy when it comes to bills? Would they appreciate your help checking they are getting the best deals with energy/insurance etc? Saving them cash rather than giving them cash.

I think you are going to get really annoyed if you are giving them money in any form and then they are buying unnecessary furniture or wasting the money on luxury items.

I also wouldn’t be giving them anything now as they sound like they are on normal financial terms.

I would offer to help them with claiming any support they’re entitled to and offer to arrange someone who can talk to them about budgeting, I’m not sure they will listen to advice from you here.

Soo ok they are still on full normal salary, you help them out a bit and they buy utterly unnecessary furniture instead of saving it or using for something necessary ... Right. ..

Totally agree with other posters, don’t get into paying a standard amount or thing for them - today’s favour becomes tomorrow’s expectation.

By all means set aside a savings bucket if you want and can afford to in case they need help in the future, but don’t mention it until it is needed.

Honestly, I'd be thinking about helping them increase their earning capacity.

Your stepdad is still in his forties - he needs to be thinking about what jobs he could do given his ill health. And your mum still has over a decade till retirement - she has time to build up a bit of a pension.

I know (really) how tough ill health and a career change can be. But they are far too young to write themselves off, and £50 here and there won't touch the sides.

Is there any chance your step dad's pension will pay out early? Sometimes there is the provision for him to be 'medically retired' if he can't work and has certain types of pension. They should talk to his pension provider, employer and union if he's in one about this.

Agree about checking benefits. Your DM might be entitled to carer's allowance if your step dad needs help and she's a low earner. Or could she work more to increase their income and build up her pension? Obviously this would depend on your step dad's needs though.

But YY to all the posters cautioning about you giving them money if they don't stop spending on crap. It might sound harsh, but some people seem incapable of budgeting, won't change their spending habits and will come to you with sob stories about not being able to buy food, pay the electric bill/rent etc and the blindingly obvious point that they could have done if they hadn't bought a load of crap they don't need seems completely lost on them.

I know you want to help them, but you need to make it clear that doesn't mean they can just spend all your money because theirs has run out.

You will not be helping them at all, just further enabling their lack of responsibility.

It is very hard when something like this hits. The most important thing is that they find a way to adapt and sustain, and to do that they will have to realistically appraise their budget.

You can’t actually make up for your step-dad’s potential loss of income.

Help them adapt and adjust, keep schtum about any impulse to help, and then when they have a plan see how you can best ease things from time to time.

You don’t know what is found the corner for you, either, and £50 per week for your mum to waste on ‘treats’ is £25k over the next 10 years.

That is my age range and my kid is still a child so I’m having a bit of trouble wrapping my head around your plans here. You really shouldn’t be stepping in to support them. They are far too young for that. If they ask for help that would be different, but you don’t need to just send them money.

Its admirable that you want to help them but Im a your parents age and I would not expect or want help from my kids. There are benefits available if they cannot work/supplement a lower income. Sounds like any money you give them they'll fritter away. They could start by selling some of their possessions if they become hard up. If I were you I'd concentrate on keeping myself financially secure.

Perhaps he can draw his pension early, perhaps DM could do longer hours etc etc. Go to citizens advice with all details of finances and they can advise.

It’s so sad that your stepdad is so unwell at 49. Poor guy.

But I’d stay out of it OP. Offer moral suppor.t. And advice (only if requested).

If you enable them, you’ll likely end up with a scenario where your mum is coming to you wearing a new designer T-shirt asking for money for groceries cos they’re skint. That’ll cause resentment eventually.

I wouldn't give them money either. It's tough to stand by and do nothing, but if they can't be sensible with their money at their age, they never will.

If you give them money now, this will never ever end. They could live for another 40 years and each year they will take more and more of your money.

They are still young enough to be working. They spend a lot - presumably you don't as you save. Please don't turn your savings into their little pot of money to buy crap with.

As others have said you'd be better off giving practical support here, but if it were my parents I would possibly also be putting a bit aside to help them if they had a disaster bill (essential car problem or something) if I could afford it. Luckily if they are renting at least they won't have major repair bills on the house to worry about. Maybe treat them to meals out or other things they would be missing out on if they adjust their living but I wouldn't get into a regular financial arrangement.

It might be one of those situations where you're worrying for them when they're not that worried themselves. It's probably best to let them come to terms with their new financial situation before you offer to help. It does you great credit that that is your instinct, but it's best if they try to work out their own plan first. You have your own financial future to plan for.

God this makes me feel ancient as I'm the same age as your parents.

Look OP, it's not your responsibility bail your parents out - they're young and they need to sort themselves out. They like me have nearly 20 years working left. They need to start living within their means, working - your mum can get a job even if your step dad can't. If they're spenders they need to stop being - or live with the consequences of that (no pension etc).

My eldest is 22 and there's no way I would expect him to do anything to help me and in fact it's still the otherway round.

You can’t give them money and not like what they do with it.

I wouldn’t give them anything at all. I would wait and see how it pans out. Surely they’re not daft enough not to adjust by changing their car if it’s costly and impractical. You could offer to help sort out bills or claim benefits if they need that help but do they? They sound like heads in the sand types.

If they were going hungry then yes you could get them some shopping from time to time but I would let them get on with it especially as they have a long time to go before retirement so need to sort themselves out.