I know this is a first world problem but I wanted to get some outside opinions.
Sorry, this turned out really long.
My DH is pretty rubbish with money. He sticks his head in the sand, as long as there is money in the account he doesn't really care. I usually deal with finances and he doesn't really want to discuss this with me he just tells me everything will be ok.
We moved house last autumn, it's a lovely big house but I am slightly panicking that we didn't think things through and have moved as a knee- jerk reaction to lockdown and WFH etc. Our previous house was ok, needed a bit of work but was in a desirable area of London and sold quickly- I think we rushed into buying somewhere else. DH was the driving force behind moving because his job has become fully remote. I work 3 days a week, a mixture of at home and in the office in London.
We have moved out of London and have put our DC in private school (they are 6&4) mainly because we couldn't get state places organised in time but now we love the school they are in and so it is unlikely we will move them in the near future (plus 3rd school in 2yrs for DC?). Their names are down at our preferred state school just in case but last time I checked they had gone down the list, not up!
I am worried we have bitten off more than we can chew. Previously we had a small mortgage (£600 a month but we overpaid a few hundred each month) and childcare fees/ tutoring of £500 a month. Now we have school fees of £28k a year and a mortgage of £1,300 a month.
DH didn't get his bonus (which he usually does, it is contractual but there is a force majeure clause which his company activated despite their annual profits not being affected by Covid) which means we cannot save as much as we would like (we do not rely on it for living expenses but there were a few things we needed/ would like for the house which we will need to wait for now).
Our monthly net income is £9k - previously we saved about £2.5k into pensions and for moving/ renovation (my pension is poor but my DH has a decent amount put in by his company), DC went to a state school but the remote learning was basically zero so we topped up with tutors and we then changed to private school when we moved, until last August DD was at a private nursery costing £1,300 a month. Then we spent about £4k on bills and everything else.
I think lockdown made us feel richer than we actually are.
For the first couple of months we had additional moving expenses - all new uniform for DC, changing locks, having the alarm system updated, fencing repairs, some redecorating costs (paint is so much more expensive than I had realised!) and a couple of bits of additional furniture (this house is twice the size of our old one), new pans because the ones we had didn't work on an induction hob etc. The garden is massive so we still need a ride on lawnmower, oil powered heating which needed topping up when we moved in and will probably need a top up again soon(ouch!). It goes on...
Things have kind of settled down now but still I think we are going to find things a little tight which seems ridiculous.
Income: £9k
Outgoings:
£1,300 mortgage
£2,500 school fees (we have paid the remainder of this year's and so want to start saving for next and uniform costs and other extras)
£1,500 bills and food (our food bill seems ridiculous atm, this includes all essentials - council tax, water, oil, electricity, car tax, MOT, petrol (we drive a lot more), insurances, tv and internet, private dental (because we have never managed to get an nhs dentist).
£1,000 spending money - this includes things like clothes and shoes (I set aside £200 a month for all of us, it doesn't seem to go far and DH barely spends any of it), Christmas, birthdays - I set aside £100 a month for Christmas expenses (parties, extra food, clothes, presents for our large families) and £50 a month for birthdays - presents for us, friends and DC's party), DC activities (£200 a month, usually paid termly though so probably a little less), socialising (not much recently but perhaps £200 a month before?), my commuting costs (which are now £30 a day as it isn't feasible to buy a season ticket for ad hoc days, I probably do 5/6 days a month in the office, I paid £100 a month before) and £100 each to DH and me for small spends (for coffees/ bits for hobbies, my makeup etc) - this expenditure has been low during lockdown and we have been saving most of this/ spending it on the house but already things are creeping back - music/dance / swimming lessons starting up again, we all needed new shoes/ trainers and all booked in for haircuts next week etc. I don't know if it just because everything is coming up at once? I also feel like a lot of the DC's activities are costing more here - not much, maybe £1 a session but they do three things a week each so it adds up.
£1,000 pension and ISAs/ JISAs (I get the bare minimum through work so put an extra £600 in, £100 a month into each of our JISA and ISA) for longterm savings
£700 for holidays and holiday childcare (our holidays are usually £6k ish a year (less this year because we are staying in the U.K.) and then holiday clubs another £2k or so depending on what they do
£1000 - top up rainy day fund, car fund (our car is 10yrs old and will need to be replaced in the next couple of years, we might even need a second car) and to put towards some things we need and would like to do to the house - like I say, the house is big and has about 1 acre garden - nothing is immediately required and the kitchen and bathrooms are new. We didn't do much to our old house (because we planned to renovate) and so I would really like to keep on top of maintenance in this one as I know how things can easily slip if not kept on top of. Our rainy day fund (£15k) is down to less than 3 month's expenses which I know is more than some but we always had a decent buffer - I want to get this up to 6 months ideally. We do still have money in our ISA's too but this is supposed to be for the future - university, retirement etc. But I suppose if necessary we do have them there to dip into.
I tentatively plan to return to work FT - DH is not that supportive as it is generally me who does all the dropping and collecting of DC, housework and cooking - he likes the status quo 
but even then after deducting additional childcare costs and travel it would be about an extra £500 a month coming in - and some of that would have to go on a cleaner.
I guess I am just panicking about all the outlay after a few years of saving pretty hard.
Our original intention was to do up our old house - add an extension and loft conversion, it was when we got the quotes that we decided we may as well spend the money we had saved (£100k) and extend the mortgage (quotes were £250k + for our London house, it would have been a big job and so we would have moved out and rented somewhere for a few months too) for an already bigger house out of London. Then there was the stamp duty, agents fees etc - we have spent most of our savings and increased the mortgage. Our mortgage is £250,000 but we kept the term of our original mortgage, 18 years.
School - we were not happy with our DS's old school, even before lockdown and were thinking about private schools then. I distinctly remember sitting down and working out all the costs and it all seemed fine - but then moving has drained our reserves and everything just seems more expensive. Council tax is £350 a month. Water £50, electricity £80, oil - we just spent over £1k and I don't really know how long that will last. Food - I'll admit I have been buying more convenience food as I have been busy working, homeschooling and sorting out the new house but we are spending over £600 a month at the moment.
Then there was the kick in the teeth with DH's bonus - it is usually £25k after tax and we usually squirrel it away either in pensions and ISA's so I don't know why it is worrying me that we don't have it this year. I think it wasn't paid because the company claimed furlough money for other employees and it would seem wrong to give a bonus and payrises (even though their profits remained pretty unchanged).
Do you think this is all manageable? The house overwhelms me at the moment - everywhere I look there seems to be something needed to be done (lots of small jobs that we can do ourselves and also bigger things that worry me - it has a huge roof and although the survey said it was ok, if that needed doing it would be £30k at least). I feel like I knew our old house inside out and could forget about the small jobs, it feels different now.
School feels like such a massive commitment but DC love it there - I would gladly give up other things to keep them there (DS's first school just was not the right place for him and he is a different boy here even after a few weeks) but then the fee increase letter came through with the bills for next term and I got in a panic (4% increase when I had planned for 5% so I have no idea why it made me anxious).
Our jobs are pretty secure, I do not maximise my earning potential at all - I have been plodding along in the same old job for 10 years with one pay rise in all that time, DH could probably earn more too but he likes his current job and loves WFH.
Would you worry at this level of expenditure with our income?