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Original poster

Do I need a will?

28 replies

BrawTime · 05/04/2021 21:33

I’m 35 and hoping not to die anytime soon but covid is setting off my anxiety and I’m wondering if I need one. I live with dp and have 2 children (1 teen and 1 pre teen), dp is not the biological parent, doesn’t work or have any income as cares for the children outside school hours/ holidays etc. I don’t own any property but currently have around 60k between various bank accounts as we save for a mortgage. I’d like any money in my accounts to go to dp if I die and it’s not spent!, do I need a will for this to happen? Or is a will just for those with property to leave? I don’t want to be laughed out the solicitors office.

OP posts:
OldScrappyAndHungry · 05/04/2021 21:34

Everyone should write a will! Yes you need one. You need to provide for your children. What if your dp remarries? You definitely need to secure they’d future.

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 05/04/2021 21:35

Yes you definitely need a will.

thesandwich · 05/04/2021 21:35

You must make a will. To make clear who will look after your children if nothing else.
mumblechum used to be on here at Marlows wills gives brilliant advice.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 05/04/2021 21:36

Forgive me, but 'dp' suggests that you aren't married. Make a will. ASAP.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 05/04/2021 21:39

Yes, you need a will. As you say DP, not DH, I assume you're not married, so everything you have would pass to your children, not him, unless it's in joint names. In your circumstances, I'd see a solicitor who can talk you through how to balance your children's interests and your DP's.

Original poster
BrawTime · 05/04/2021 21:44

Appreciate the advice, I will contact a solicitor this week then. Regarding the children, although we would like them to stay with dp, I presume legally they will go to their father, regardless of my wishes

OP posts:
titchy · 05/04/2021 21:47

Why don't you want your children to share your £60k?

OldScrappyAndHungry · 05/04/2021 22:19

So your kids will go to dh and your dp will get all your money Shock. Why would you not share it with your children??

Original poster
BrawTime · 05/04/2021 22:25

@titchy

Why don't you want your children to share your £60k?
Well it’s very unlikely the money will be there in a year or so as I plan to buy a house with it. Should I die before then, the money will support dp to hopefully care for the children and whatever fight that may entail. I know dp will ensure the children are looked after.
OP posts:
Lougle · 05/04/2021 22:29

You definitely need a will, especially as you're not married and your DP isn't the biological father of your child.

DH and I are in our early 40s. We don't have property, but do have children. We've just arranged life insurance, a mirror will, and we're just about to send off power of attorney forms. I don't want DH to be grieving for me and struggling for money, or vice versa.

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 05/04/2021 22:36

Your dp could very easily wave the kids off to their dad, then ride off into the sunset with your £60k.

If you want the money to be left for your children (and dp) to benefit from, there are lots of ways to do this to protect everyone. Leaving everything simply to dp does NOT in anyway guarantee that he will be obliged to remain in the kids' lives.

Protect them. Get proper advice. Please.

titchy · 05/04/2021 22:43

So if you drop dead tomorrow your dp gets £60k and your kids end up with their father.

If you drop dead after buying a house, your dp gets a house and your kids end up with their father.

So in the event of your death you are relying on the goodwill of your dp to take them on, with no financial assistance (and he has no job?Hmm) AND their father being happy for that to happen, AND your kids don't put in a claim on your estate given you didn't make any provision for them.

Wow. Can I suggest you don't make a will - at least your poor kids will get something them from intestate rules.

Voice0fReason · 05/04/2021 23:28

I don't think you can leave all your money to your DP when you have dependent children.
You definitely need a will and you do need to consider your children's needs and not just trust your DP to do the right thing.

Original poster
BrawTime · 06/04/2021 00:02

Wow. Obviously I didn’t detail my whole family back story in the op as I only wanted some general advice. For clarity my dp is female and has been in my children’s life since my youngest was 2, he’s now 11 and she is very much a parent to them, I have no concerns she would sail off anywhere. Dp has worked at various points but as my eldest has ASD amongst other health issues, attending constant appointments, plus childcare whilst both employed became too difficult. As I was the higher earner and the goal was to save for a property, get out the rental trap and give my eldest his own room, we decided dp would stop work. Over the years the money has happened to be in my accounts because I manage the finances, yes the majority has been my income but I view it as very much our money and money that wouldn’t have been possible without dp giving up her career plans.

We plan for it to be spent on a deposit very soon and yes I could drop down dead tomorrow but as I said, I hadn’t really thought of that risk until recently. We sincerely hope that should anything happen to me dp will continue as the full time carer for them, they would very much want that but I’m aware their father may legally stop it happening.

OP posts:
Lougle · 06/04/2021 07:53

@BrawTime your update doesn't change anything legally, sadly. That's what people are trying to tell you. Under current law, if you died today, assuming you haven't formed a civil partnership with your DP, and you weren't married/have divorced their father, your children would inherit everything.

The only way to protect your DP is to either make a will which names her as the beneficiary, or to form a civil partnership/her married. Equally, you need to consider what would happen in the event of your death to your children.

You can't just 'hope' something will happen.

skeggycaggy · 06/04/2021 10:00

Do the children see their father?

Charley50 · 06/04/2021 10:14

Yes you need a will. Unless there was abuse I imagine DC would live with their dad if you died? I think you can express different wishes, but if their dad is in the life, I imagine he would be favoured.

I am not sure in this case why you would want all your money to go to your DP? Could you split it 3 ways, with the DCs going in trust until they are older?

I did my will online with Farewill. It's really cheap and you can update it free for the first year, which might be good for you as once you buy a property you'll need to adjust your will. You can get life Insurance to cover the mortgage, and again might think about leaving a property all or in part to your DCs? It still has to be witnessed, like a regular will, and uses very straightforward language when you create it.

Do you have a pension? That can also be nominated to go to your DC, and/ or maybe your partner.

NeedToKnow101 · 06/04/2021 10:15

Currently it's better, for the kids, that you don't have a will tbh.

titchy · 06/04/2021 10:50

General advice is that you cannot 'hope' your dp, does right by your kids , 'hope' their father agrees. You need to make proper provision for them. Doesn't matter that your dp is female or has been in their lives for years. You don't know the future. Leave the money to your kids. Make proper provision for them. Talk to their father.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 06/04/2021 11:06

One of the reasons you need to see a solicitor, OP, is that when you come to buy your house you'll need to decide whose names go on the deeds and whether you want to be joint tenants or tenants in common (assuming you're in England). I am not a lawyer but I believe the difference is that if you are joint tenants, if one of you dies, the other inherits the whole property automatically (regardless of what the will says). If you are tenants in common, though, you each own a defined share of the property (usually 50:50, but it doesn't have to be) and if one of you dies that person's will or the intestacy laws decide what happens to that share. The other person still has their share. Obviously it could be awkward if your partner had (say) 50% of the house and your children had the other 50%.

As with all blended families, you've got some difficult thinking to do to decide how to balance up all the different interests.

I hope you have a very long and happy life ahead of you all, but it's very sensible if a bit grim to make the time and effort to plan for the worse, just in case. Good luck.

SweatyBetty20 · 07/04/2021 17:01

My brother died suddenly three weeks ago at 47 leaving a partner and 14 year old. We have no parents so I'm his legal next of kin, and it's a nightmare. He didn't have much, but everything should go to the 14 year old, leaving his bipolar partner who doesn't work nothing to bring his child up on. I have to find out if he has lump sums from his pensions, and then have a difficult conversation with his partner about why all the money needs to go to his child and not her. Make a will, and buy life cover.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 08/04/2021 18:06

Sorry to hear this, @SweatyBetty20. Flowers What a difficult situation all round. Wishing you well as you try to pick your way through this minefield.

SweatyBetty20 · 08/04/2021 22:00

Much appreciated @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g - funeral next week so we’ll get that over with and then I’ll start digging to see if there are any funds in any pensions. She doesn’t work for health reasons and hasn’t done for 20+ years, and I really don’t think it’s sunk in with her yet that she’s going to struggle financially. Her mental health condition sometimes makes her spendy, so need to handle it so carefully. I miss him and am angry with him all at the same time!

RoseMartha · 08/04/2021 22:31

Yes, every adult needs a Will and should consider LPA's.

When I was married my exh and I had mirror Wills. Now I am divorced and single I have a new Will. My Will does list guardians for my dc but it is written in that it would only come into effect if I was the sole surviving parent. Ie if I die the kids live with their dad. If he has already died they live with the guardians stated.

It is a good idea that you at least seek advice about updating your Will every five years.

You can usually get up to half an hour free advice from a solicitor. Check when you ring. Alternatively a Will writing company can give advice and prepare a Will for you.

FredAstairesShoeLaces · 08/04/2021 22:39

Yes, your need a will.

Anything you leave to your girlfriend will be liable towards inheritance tax, whereas it wouldn’t if you were married.

Protect your children. Make sure the money passes to them. If you buy a house, make sure your half passes to them.

There’s a real chance that they’d go to their father, and your money/house would go to your girlfriend for her to move someone else in.

Regardless of sexes of the the people involved, in a situation where you’re not married and have children from outside the relationship, you should protect them.

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