How to make this will 'fair'?

[Hel81]

I am trying to work out what a ‘fair’ will would be in this situation and would really appreciate any thoughts.

The situation is generally pretty straightforward. The parents are both 70 and in good health. They want to rewrite their wills as the current version is old and pre-grandchildren. They have two adult children (age 39 and 41) each of whom is married/long term partner and has each has two children. No-one has disabilities or long-term health conditions. Both DCs and their partners work, both own their own home with mortgage.

The bit I’d appreciate thoughts on is this. About 18 months ago the parents gave DC2 and partner a large cash gift (100K+) to help them to move to a much nicer house. DC1 already had a house similar to DC2s new house. The parents told DC1 that they’d given the gift to DC2 and that they should see it as DC2 getting an advance inheritance. When the parents died they wanted to the DCs to remember the gift and sort it out so things were fair. Now that the will is being re-written they can think about putting it into the will rather than leaving it for the DCs to sort out when they die. So the question I’d appreciate thoughts on is how the will should be written to make this ‘fair’. Hopefully the parents will live many years to come so inflation etc may mean that the value of £100K looks very different by that point.

It’s obviously an awkward thing to discuss in the family but equally if people feel it’s not been done fairly it can cause real damage to relationships so I’d appreciate objective views thanks.

I assume they don't have the same amount spare that they could give to dc1 now? As there are no guarantees about how much will be left at the end - the 100,000 could be most of the estate, or just a drop in the ocean.
My parents gave money to myself and my siblings at various points, not the figures you're talking about but things like a house deposit to one, money to buy a car to another. Some of us were funded through uni and others didn't go. I suspect overall we have received similar amounts so the will was a straightforward five way split. The balance seems very different in this case - however the parents don't have to even it up if they don't choose to do so.

It can be problematic giving away such huge sums of money. What if they get ill and need that money to pay for care.

Thanks. No they gave DC2 all the money that they felt comfortable giving away during their lifetime. They want to keep enough in savings that if one had to go into care they'd have a good buffer to pay for that for a while without worrying about eating into house equity. So essentially they're not planning to give DC1 anything now but do want things to be fair in the end.

I dont know how it would be worded, but what about 100,000, increased by (a specified) rate of inflation to be given to DC1, and rest of estate to be divided between the kids/grandkids/charity/whoever else in the percents they want.

They could include the £100k as a gift in the will, but make it index linked, so it increases over time.

Thanks everyone. What index/inflation link would you use? I am not sure whether there is a standard way to do this, perhaps I should post on legal?

Putting it another way, does everyone think it would be fair to both if we DC2 gets 100k then DC1 gets the promise of 100k plus inflation in (hopefully) 20-25 years time?

I personally think the DC1 should let it go if they were lucky enough to already have a quality house. After care feeds and future inheritance tax there might not be 100k to give anyway.

Problem is if they end up using all their assets to pay for care, DC1 ends up with nothing.

I personally think the DC1 should let it go if they were lucky enough to already have a quality house. The current situation is that both DCs have similar houses with mortgages till they are c65. DC1 lives in more expensive area so they mortgage is much larger but they do earn a bit more.

Not sure about the inflation part but the will should surely just say first 100k (plus any inflation caveats) to DC1 and rest split equally between both.

Not sure what happens if estate left is less than 100k though.

I don't think it's ever going to be 'fair' now.

It's difficult to understand why they would give one child such a vast sum of money in a situation as this if they can't give the other one anything. I could understand it if the one adult child had been in a bad situation like escaping an abusive marriage or needing to go re-hab.

I could understand it if the one adult child had been in a bad situation like escaping an abusive marriage or needing to go re-hab.

No nothing like that. Essentially DC2 had never planned to have children and had lived life on that assumption then changed their mind and had two children quickly. They had a relatively crampled 3 bed house and as the children got mobile they realised it was a bit small. The money (plus re mortgaging) meant they could move to a 4 bed in the nicest part of town with more space and a bigger garden. DC1 had always planned to have children and saved through their 20s and 30s to get to a better housing situation before having them.

£50 grand to each would have helped dc2 and not caused any discrepancy with dc1.

@CombatBarbie

Not sure about the inflation part but the will should surely just say first 100k (plus any inflation caveats) to DC1 and rest split equally between both.

Not sure what happens if estate left is less than 100k though.

I think this is the most fair, but DC1 might lose out to care fees.

This sounds awful but I would write this into both wills so the first death triggers the clause (assuming that they have cash or investments in each parents name). Obviously adding a clause to say 'First 100k assuming they have not already received it'

You did a typo of "we" so presumably you are the partner if the £100k recipient. My advice would be to say absolutely nothing unless directly asked by the people whose will it is.
I'm trying to figure out what I would do if I were them, but I clearly don't think how they do, as I wouldn't have bailed out one adult child without massive extenuating circumstances. I definitely wouldn't appreciate input from my children's partners though.

I take it you're DC2, I think it should have been £50,000 each, but what's done is done.

Dreadfully unfair to give one DC a huge sum and the other nothing. Regardless of circumstance. SIL got a lump sum (less than £100k) towards her first property (and all her wedding paid for). DH got nothing. FIL said DH can take that amount extra from the estate when they die, but this was a casual verbal conversation and I guarantee no way will it be in the will. Who on earth would think this is fair and sensible?
It's certainly tainted my opinion of PIL and DH too truth be known.
I bet DC 2 is the daughter in this instance and DC1 the son.

Sorry I was trying to write it neutrally to get neutral opinions. No, I am DC1. My parents have said they want to talk about their new will before it's written and to check I'm happy it's fair. I'm utterly dreading that conversation. I've never assumed that I'll get any kind of inheritance and it's a very difficult thing to talk about but it’s something they want to do.

I have no idea what they’re going to say about the gift or whether they’ll mention it at all. At the time they just told me that they want us to make it ‘fair’ when they die but it’s pretty clear that has the potential to lead to a huge amount of conflict just at the point when everyone is grieving. For that reason I want to bring it up, even if they don’t do so, because I want them to be absolutely clear on what their intentions are so there’s no room for misunderstanding and half remembered conversations from decades ago.

The problem is that I don’t think they have any idea how hurt I am about the decision to give such a huge amount of money to my DB without even talking to me beforehand. That, plus some fairly insensitive personal things since has completely changed how I view them and my DB, plus it’s dragged up some things from childhood that I thought I’d dealt with. It’s not really about the money it’s that the money stands for a whole load of emotional baggage. I can see the potential for the conversation to go horribly wrong and it’s pretty difficult for them too given that they’ll be talking about their deaths and how their children will financially benefit from that. I don’t want the whole thing to become an emotional disaster so I’m trying to work out what seems objectively fair so I can suggest it and hopefully come to some kind of closure on it.

We've just written wills and have thought a lot re money and who will look after the children - it's a lot easier talking about this when it's not an immediate prospect, than when one of them is facing a serious illness or decline imminently.
I don't think you can assume the will raise it. I think I would say something to them that takes it for granted - "have you discussed with the solicitor how to square the advanced inheritance Steve received?"

The problem now is that whatever they put in their will if both need care there may not be £100k left for you to inherit OP.
I dint think it is possible to make things ‘fair” now

My MIL has just written a codicil to her will that states the first £X,000 should go to my DH and then the estate be split equally 50-50 between him and his sibling. This to account for the sum she has already ‘lent’ to his sibling - in reality unlikely to be repaid I’d say. There’s no mention of inflation compensation - that would complicate it a lot, in my opinion as it starts to look more mercenary, even if it’s scrupulously fair.

MIL’s gift was not at the level of £100K, though - significantly less.

I’m sorry you’re hurting, OP. I think I’d ask for it to be noted as they suggested initially and you shouldn’t feel bad about that - that’s what they’ve already said they wanted. The inflation thing is trickier and perhaps you should consider if it’s better just to deal with the lump sum not the long-term financial implications of the lump sum being given earlier to your sibling.

It is terribly unfair op, but I don’t think it’s really your place to suggest anything. It’s up to them to choose how to split the inheritance, if there is any. I’m not even sure how you’d bring that conversation up

I've always assumed that they'll spend their money enjoying life and getting the best care possible if it's needed. My grandparents were all very long lived (my parents have both only recently lost the last of their own parents) so I am hoping that is the case for them too. It's not really the money its about them seeming to want to be fair I think, that'd help to heal the situation.

It’s up to them to choose how to split the inheritance, if there is any. I’m not even sure how you’d bring that conversation up They've arranged a time to talk to me about the will (now that we can meet in person) because they want to know what I think before they draw it up. It's not something I've suggested but now they do want to talk about it I think I either need to raise the 'you make it fair when we die' conversation or write the whole thing of for ever.