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Original poster

Blended Family finance

59 replies

MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 11:56

Hi,
I have stepchildren and my own child and my DH and I are looking at how to split finances fairly.
We both work. I am the lower earner. I work part time and we pay for childcare on the days I am working.

We like the idea of having our own accounts where we can spend the money freely and a joint account for all shared bills which we will pay into proportionately to income. On top of this DH will be using his savings to pay for most of the work that is needed around the house.

My question is, is it fairest to work out the proportions before the Matainance payment (privately arranged and both parents agree is sufficient so no issues there) is deducted from DHs salary or after?

OP posts:
Pleaseaddcaffine · 02/03/2021 12:07

Dp maintenance should come out of his money not your joint money.
It's not a joint family expense, it's his expenses. Your joint child costs should come out of the joint money along with bills etc.

maxelly · 02/03/2021 12:08

I think you could do either, I would probably be inclined to view the maintenance payments as 'his' responsibility rather than 'joint' (assuming your child is his also, it might change my view if the child that lives with you is a stepchild to him) and so he should pay those in addition to his proportional contribution to the joint account - so long as this doesn't leave him with no money whatsoever left for himself...

Viviennemary · 02/03/2021 12:11

I think as his maintenance costs are a fixed expense then it should come out of his money before the calculations. Its not as if it's a hobby.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/03/2021 12:13

Assuming your child is also DH child, not his stepchild, put all your income in one account.

Use this to pay all your joint expenses - bills, food, travel etc. For things like cars and mobile phones, you can either pay them out of the joint pot, or if one of you likes to spend more than necessary for these, you could pay out of personal money instead.

Make sure you save some money for joint irregular expenses like Christmas, holidays, insurance etc. I'd pay for home improvements out of this money too, unless the house is DHs alone for some reason.

Split what's left 50/50 and then DH pays his maintenance out of this.

However, unless you have a good surplus, I suspect that this won't work and DH will have no personal spending money while you have a decent chunk. Supporting two families on one wage is expensive.

Whythesadface · 02/03/2021 12:19

I think since he is using his savings to do repairs on the house, just take his maintenance payment off his wages first.
Put any money you get from you ex in an account to pay for the children's extras.
Split the bills according to the money left each month of your wages.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 02/03/2021 12:23

I think before.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 02/03/2021 12:24

Is your DC also your DH’s DC?

minniemoocher · 02/03/2021 12:35

Personally I would put it all into one pot, put some aside for savings, pay all costs including the maintenance then put into separate accounts a small discretionary budget each for eg clothes, work lunches, personal hobby etc.

Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 12:41

Yes my DC is also his DC. Part of me thinks as I knew he had them before I got with him then after. But my head hurts a bit when I try and work out if that's fair on me and our shared DC or not

OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 12:43

Sorry I should have made that clearer.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 12:44

House 50/50

OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 12:46

@Viviennemary

I think as his maintenance costs are a fixed expense then it should come out of his money before the calculations. Its not as if it's a hobby.
Yes part of me is thinking that I made a choice to only have one DC so I should have more money to spend on frivolities, he chose to have more children. I wouldn't want him to end up with nothing to spend and I could always use my "fun money" on thinks he wants if that's my choice. Thanks everyone, we'll crunch some numbers.
OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 12:48

Ah but also the he's paying for most the house maintenance thing. It's tricky isn't it!

OP posts:
Weepingwillows12 · 02/03/2021 12:53

I think its fairest to treat his income as income less maintenance when it comes to working out the proportions you contribute. You say he chose to have more kids but in theory you chose a lower paid job although I get it's not that simple.

Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 13:03

Yeah that makes sense. We both keep tooing and froing!

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RandomMess · 02/03/2021 13:05

Also if you look after his DC as well as yours whilst he works that is you enabling to have more £ to spend.

InDubiousBattle · 02/03/2021 13:09

All money into one pot, all family expenses come out of the pot (maintenance, mortgage etc), agreed savings go into savings account (for home repairs, holidays etc), the remainder is split between you as personal spends.

toobusytothink · 02/03/2021 13:11

I think take maintenance off before splitting proportionally. It’s not as if it’s “fun money” for him. It’s an expense (albeit one he created 😄) but it’s not as if he is spending it on his children and leaving yours wanting.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2021 13:23

Have you worked out both and seen how much difference it makes?

So he brings home 2000, pays 500 cm, you earn 500, bills are 1500

He pays 4/5 of the bills so 1200 so 800 left. You pay 1/5 so 300 so 200 left. Equal shares mean you get 500 and he gets 500. He pays all his on cm and has no spends.

He earns 2000-500cm so 1500 so 3/4 of the 1500 bill so pays 1125 and there's 375 left. You pay 375 so 125 left. You get 500 left over and have 250 left each.

If it's that tight I think you split equally. Otherwise maybe find a mid point of you resent paying towards them.

What happens when he has access? If he's used all his money on cm does that mean he can't afford trips out because he uses his money for it?

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2021 13:24

Yes part of me is thinking that I made a choice to only have one DC so I should have more money to spend on frivolities, he chose to have more children and you chose to be with a man who has kids and contributes to them financially

Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 13:26

You known what @SleepingStandingUp you're right! We should actually look at what the difference is to see if it matters that much. At the moment we don't have a joint account due to not going to the bank during covid but we need to sort it out as we are just passing money between us!

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Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 13:28

@SleepingStandingUp

Yes part of me is thinking that I made a choice to only have one DC so I should have more money to spend on frivolities, he chose to have more children and you chose to be with a man who has kids and contributes to them financially
Yes that's what the other part of me thinks! We just want to make sure whatever we do is fair to all parties.
OP posts:
Lastbonestanding · 02/03/2021 13:28

I think before his maintenance comes out with his maintenance as a joint bill. Otherwise you will have to be responsible for all your DD's expenses as you can't expect him to pay for his DD's by himself and pay for DD as well. You have 3 children between you. Pay for them all out of the pot. Makes for a nicer atmosphere IMO.

Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 13:38

Ah I hadn't thought of that option @Lastbonestanding.

Thanks, we'll set up a spreadsheet and see if it actually makes much difference. It would be nice to just get it sorted so that we don't have to keep thinking about it when an expense comes up.

OP posts:
NeedToGetOuttaHere · 02/03/2021 13:44

How far apart are the two numbers? Does it make a big difference to the numbers if you take the maintenance amount out first then work out the contribution?

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