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Original poster

Blended Family finance

59 replies

MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 11:56

Hi,
I have stepchildren and my own child and my DH and I are looking at how to split finances fairly.
We both work. I am the lower earner. I work part time and we pay for childcare on the days I am working.

We like the idea of having our own accounts where we can spend the money freely and a joint account for all shared bills which we will pay into proportionately to income. On top of this DH will be using his savings to pay for most of the work that is needed around the house.

My question is, is it fairest to work out the proportions before the Matainance payment (privately arranged and both parents agree is sufficient so no issues there) is deducted from DHs salary or after?

OP posts:
harknesswitch · 02/03/2021 13:51

If you pay a % into the pot inc cm then the op will be worse off as she'll have a smaller amount left over each month and contribute towards her sc

Personally I'd not want to pay towards his dc, financially it's not the op's responsibility. He should however also contribute towards your dc as well, as it's also his. Cm comes from his wages and he also pays in a % of his salary to the joint account regardless of how much cm he pays to his ex

Pleaseaddcaffine · 02/03/2021 13:53

Please do not pay his cm, it's his costs not a joint bill. Your dsc and living costs are joint. Its fine if you pay for some the dsc in terms of food etc and bills but maintenance is his bill to pay.
It should still leave you both with fun money and cover the bills.

KnobJockey · 02/03/2021 13:55

Put it all in the pot, take out a set amount of spending money each month, the same for each of you. They're kids, not a hobby, if you had kids previous to this would you like it if he cut them out of the family finances and left you to deal with them?

RandomMess · 02/03/2021 13:58

TBH you are married.

I don't understand why you don't each have equal spending money?

I you could work out the "frivolous" things you want that meant you stuck to one child that isn't a family spend. Same for your DH what does he spend on that you think should be from his personal pot?

Presumably you want haircuts, more clothes etc. He wants to spend his on???

Pleaseaddcaffine · 02/03/2021 14:06

Maintenance is his bill only. Op is contributing to his kids isn't she by paying half the bills etc.

Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 14:10

Magazines, books tools to make things (not things we need he likes making models and refurbishing things for fun). The odd night out with friends in non covid times.

I spend mine on the odd bit of makeup and in non covid times socialising.

Clothes we both treat more as an essential so neither are particularly spendy

OP posts:
lunar1 · 02/03/2021 14:11

He's already the higher earner and paying for the work on the house. All the money in one pot with the bills including CM coming out first and then whatever is left is split.

Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 14:12

Also my "fun money" would also include anything extra I wanted to save for our DC as his other children have a fund for when they are 18 from grandparents but our DC doesn't so I'd like to save up for that.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 14:13

We'll do some maths. He is the higher earner and paying towards the house. I'm not sure my going part time would cancel that out in the long run.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/03/2021 14:23

Why should joint money pay for your DC savings?

It sounds like you need to have a proper discussion on family finances all around!

RandomMess · 02/03/2021 14:27

And you are work part time to bring up his child.

Who has this hang up about money? Is it you?

doodleygirl · 02/03/2021 14:29

When my sc were younger we treated maintenance as a household bill, it was just easier.

Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 14:31

@RandomMess

Why should joint money pay for your DC savings?

It sounds like you need to have a proper discussion on family finances all around!

Because its both of our child?
OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 14:36

@RandomMess

And you are work part time to bring up his child.

Who has this hang up about money? Is it you?

It's both of us trying to make sure it's fair. He wants to make sure we both have some money we can both spend however we like, be it saving or for our children. So we thought if we have our own pot of money that we can spend on whatever we want then that removes the feeling like we have to ask each other. He is particularly keen that it isn't a 50/50 split as I will be earning less. I naively hadn't considered anything other than just throwing it all in one pot until he mentioned it and then we just went round in circles a bit!
OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 14:37

We just want to come up with a system so we don't have to keep revisiting it and reduce the amount of money conversations.

OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 14:38

@doodleygirl

When my sc were younger we treated maintenance as a household bill, it was just easier.
This does sound a lot simpler
OP posts:
NeedToGetOuttaHere · 02/03/2021 14:43

How much maintenance does your DH pay?

aSofaNearYou · 02/03/2021 14:51

Maintenance should be separate, that's just for him to sort, and everything else is between the both of you.

Teardrop2021 · 02/03/2021 15:03

It sounds like he's contributing the most anyways ans you're getting a fairier deal anyways I don't understand what the issue maintenance is just another bill? All goes into a pot and gets divided equally or have a missed something?

Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 15:20

@Teardrop2021
At the moment he pays all the maintenance for his children and we split everything else 50/50. But if we had a joint pot then I would be paying a proportion of his maintenance for his children which a lot of people think is unfair (including my OH).

OP posts:
Original poster
MuddleMoo · 02/03/2021 15:23

@NeedToGetOuttaHere

How much maintenance does your DH pay?
Both parents are happy with the amount he pays.
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2021 15:27

@MuddleMoo

We'll do some maths. He is the higher earner and paying towards the house. I'm not sure my going part time would cancel that out in the long run.
But you don't need to be part time long term.
NeedToGetOuttaHere · 02/03/2021 15:31

It’s hard to say without figures.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2021 15:31

@MuddleMoo

Also my "fun money" would also include anything extra I wanted to save for our DC as his other children have a fund for when they are 18 from grandparents but our DC doesn't so I'd like to save up for that.
Is there a reason the GPs aren't making equal provision for this GC as per the older ones?

I think CM and savings for the third child should come out the pot before split but of there's 3k a month to split and CM is £200 it makes not much difference. If there's 1k and maintenance is 500 it's a v different scenario

RandomMess · 02/03/2021 15:35

Why do you pay 50:50 when your earrings are reduced because you look after his child?

I don't understand when you are married anyway.

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