Estranged father died - do my siblings and I have any claim?

[Himsy]

Sorry for blunt title, it is what it is.

My parents divorced when my two siblings and I were young (7,9,11). My father left my mother to it, didn't pay child support for as long as he could get away with, saw us children once or twice a year til the youngest was 16, then we didn't see him. I present this info to explain that our estrangement is no fault of us children (obviously we are all now adults).
My father's second wife (since divorced from him) got in touch with me a few years ago urging me to give him a chance to meet my children. I don't know why, but I did oblige. Then she divorced him. Later that year (2019) he told me he'd taken her off his will and was naming me (though not my siblings) as benefactor. I'd have split with them. Soon after, he and I had a disagreement, and he cut contact.

Xmas 2020 he died.

His sister informed me that her son was now executor. I have no relationship with any of them as they weren't involved with us as children.

So, it's been six weeks since he died, I guess I assume I'm out of the will?

My mother says as estranged children we can contest his will. Is this so?

We aren't talking a huge amount - maybe £50k each, so big enough to really help us out.

My cousins are both comfortable, as are their parents. (I don't know if they've been named as beneficiaries, but I don't know who else he'd leave anything to).
My siblings and I are not well off. I'm also going through a divorce and struggling now as a single mother.

Is it worth contesting?

If so, what do I do?

Just seen your last post above, OP. I'm so sorry.

Been on both sides of this - father similar to yours, did not contest as had no contact with him for a long time when he died and as he was married assumed it all went to his wife. Mother died recently, but had specified in her will why two siblings were not included. The lawyer told her she had to say this or they could contest.

Under UK law you would have no claim unless you could show that you were his dependents. Which, unfortunately, you're unlikely to be able to do as you were estranged.

Sorry op. Even though you knew he was a terrible person it's never nice to see it confirmed in quite this way. Hope you at least didn't have to spend too much time and money to find this out

Thanks, Diana. Quite. He really was.

"It felt to me like a final act of supreme cruelty and spite.
It was the final chance this person had to communicate with their family and this was what they chose to do."
This is exactly it. I'm sorry you've experienced it too, Tansy, especially the children.
I'm ok. It's just all a testament to the fact that my siblings and I really were better off without him, growing up. Just sucks hard that he was SO nasty to treat innocent children like this – both my siblings and I in the eighties, and now all over again with his only grandchildren.

@Notaroadrunner

It's a shame but hardly surprising seeing as you didn't have a relationship with him when he died. While he said he'd changed it to leave all to you, it seems that changing his will was based on the relationships he had at the time. He'd taken his second wife off, put you on. So by the time he died you were out of his life again and he had changed his will accordingly, as I assume he was in contact with his sister. Try not to let it eat you up as there's nothing you can do about it now and you'll only be annoying yourself by thinking about it.

Roadrunner, no, but I just can't imagine being so hateful of my own children that I'd disinherit them, favour my sister's grandchildren (I know for a fact he doesn't even know these children, btw!), and disinherit his own grandchildren, just because I suggested the daily fail was less than accurate with the facts. He has no relationship with his sister, her kids, or their kids. He's named them specifically to be vindictive and hateful.

@ifIwerenotanandroid

Just seen your last post above, OP. I'm so sorry.

Thanks, Android.

@Babygotblueyes

Been on both sides of this - father similar to yours, did not contest as had no contact with him for a long time when he died and as he was married assumed it all went to his wife. Mother died recently, but had specified in her will why two siblings were not included. The lawyer told her she had to say this or they could contest.

Parents, huh. Shame not all are decent. I'm sorry you experienced this.

@MindGrapes

Sorry op. Even though you knew he was a terrible person it's never nice to see it confirmed in quite this way. Hope you at least didn't have to spend too much time and money to find this out

Thanks, Grapes. No, didn't spend much time, and spent no money, finding this out. Aunt eventually responded to my mother's request for info, but only once everything was divied up, his house sold and all his stuff too. She could easily have told me the facts of the Will when she told me he'd died. Imo, she's as cruel as he was.

So sorry @Himsy what a rotten man. You sound better off without him but i do understand about the money especially with your current financial circumstances! (Which I hope changes for you. I hope you win big on the lotto then fuck them all!)

Dh nana died about 8 years ago, deliberately left my Dh out and left it all to Dh 2 brothers and 1 of the brothers daughter. We were having ivf at the time and absolutely skint and dh didn’t get a penny.

Dh brother on the other hand was jetting off left right and centre and the other gambled his inheritance away. I think they got about 60k each. Dh spoke to them but they thought it was ok to just completely leave him out 😳

Dh never spoke to any of his family again after that, not sure why people are so spiteful.

If that happened to me I would 100% share with my sibling I find it really bizarre that you wouldn’t.

@ifIwerenotanandroid

Can I ask a question of my own on the back of this one?

I went NC with my father 30 years ago. My mother later died & he remarried, to a woman with adult children who were NC with her (like attracts like, eh?). My father died a couple of years ago & as I wasn't contacted, I assume either I wasn't in the will or there was no will & so everything went to his wife.

She must be quite old now (not being ageist - I'm pretty old myself) & so what happens when she dies? Obviously if she leaves a will, she can leave the house etc to anyone she chooses & I'm damn certain it won't be me. But if there's no will, does it get divided amongst all the remaining children (me, DBro & her offspring) or does it only go to her children as she's the sole owner of the house now?

I'm no expert, but I wouldn't count on getting anything. Unless her children are of fair mind and choose to distribute what comes to them fairly.

My father's ex-wife would have done right by me and my siblings, had she remained married to him when he died. So would her daughters had it come to it.

@danni0509

So sorry *@Himsy* what a rotten man. You sound better off without him but i do understand about the money especially with your current financial circumstances! (Which I hope changes for you. I hope you win big on the lotto then fuck them all!)

Dh nana died about 8 years ago, deliberately left my Dh out and left it all to Dh 2 brothers and 1 of the brothers daughter. We were having ivf at the time and absolutely skint and dh didn’t get a penny.

Dh brother on the other hand was jetting off left right and centre and the other gambled his inheritance away. I think they got about 60k each. Dh spoke to them but they thought it was ok to just completely leave him out 😳

Dh never spoke to any of his family again after that, not sure why people are so spiteful.

If that happened to me I would 100% share with my sibling I find it really bizarre that you wouldn’t.

Thank you. I'm so sorry you/DH were treated like that too. It's left a horrible taste in my mouth that sadly so many people are plain nasty.

Thank you re your kind wishes. Ha, I haven't done the lottery in a while, but maybe I'll get a ticket tonight! I'll pm you for a cut if I win big.

I barely spoke to my cousins, but I'm officially NC now. They could easily have reached out to me and said something, or offer to rectify his actions – they know full well what a horrible man he was, especially to his own children.

I was also planning to share with my two siblings, despite him deliberately excluding them a couple of years ago. Didn't cross my mind not to.

I hope your IVF was successful. Xx

Urgh. I couldn't read and not post. What a nasty, vindictive, toxic piece of work your father was OP. He could have simply and quietly disinherited you which is shitty enough, but to specifically name his own daughters and grandchildren in such a spiteful, bitter way is beyond the pale.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I doubt many people are mourning him.

@Franke

Urgh. I couldn't read and not post. What a nasty, vindictive, toxic piece of work your father was OP. He could have simply and quietly disinherited you which is shitty enough, but to specifically name his own daughters and grandchildren in such a spiteful, bitter way is beyond the pale.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I doubt many people are mourning him.

Thank you. Yeah, he wasn't a nice man, at all. I think it's just galling that his last thoughts were to twist the knife in, not only to me, but to my children, who he KNEW could have really benefited from a financial boost. Well, I don't know what his last last thoughts were, his Will was written two months before he died, and maybe as he was literally dying he realised what a shit he'd been to us. I hope so. His loss. My siblings and I are nice people, and were great kids. My young children are a joy. He lost out on all of us.

Onwards and upwards.

Really sorry Himsy.

Well - he did himself out of having the happy relationship he could have had with his children and grandchildren.
What a huge loss he imposed on himself.
It's hard to imagine that he died in anything other than misery - but maybe the thought of a blue passport consoled him in his lonely life.

His loss.

But I am sorry he chose to withhold the support that could have meant so much to you in practical terms.

"Probate is applied for, whether there's a will or not."

Wrong!

I'm sorry you had such a nasty man as a father. I wish you and your children much future happiness, which is the best revenge for his pettiness.

@Himsy you sound really lovely.

IME one of the things that hots you is the finality of it all. The relationship can have been strained or estranged but there's always a chance of a positive ending, however slight, when someone is still alive.

Apart from actually seeing it written down, which is hurtful beyond belief, the absolute as definite nature of death also ends any hope of reconciliation.

Well this certainly shows the perils of talking politics 😱

@SionnachGlic from your user name I suspect you're in Ireland? And you're not such a clever/sly fox really. As in Ireland a Grant of Probate/Letters of Intestacy are definitely public knowledge. I had my ex husband sending registered letters to my elderly mother saying he was entitled to a share of my late granny's estate. He knew how much my late granny's estate was worth and he also knew that my mother was the Executor of her Will. And yes he's another useless father.

Absolutely OP. It was his loss. You sound lovely and I'm quite sure you're DC are just as lovely and you will move forward without his money. Yes it will have helped short term, but I think I'd sleep better as night knowing I took not a thing from such a toxic person.

I could be wrong but I thought in Scotland children can contest the will and they'd receive a share of a third. So say you were one of 3 siblings you'd be entitled to a third of a third of the estate. I'm going through with my grandfathers estate and my estranged father who was also estranged from my grandfather. Please correct me if I'm wrong - any help would be much appreciated.

@NeedNewKnees

I'm sorry you had such a nasty man as a father. I wish you and your children much future happiness, which is the best revenge for his pettiness.

Thank you x

[quote TunstallTansy]@Himsy you sound really lovely.

IME one of the things that hots you is the finality of it all. The relationship can have been strained or estranged but there's always a chance of a positive ending, however slight, when someone is still alive.

Apart from actually seeing it written down, which is hurtful beyond belief, the absolute as definite nature of death also ends any hope of reconciliation.[/quote]
We had been estranged for 30 years. I knew he was a horror, but my stepmother encouraged me to give him a chance when I had my first child. He was soon back to form, so I know a reconciliation with a good man wasn't going to happen.

@aiwblam

Well this certainly shows the perils of talking politics 😱

Ha. Well, it's important we talk about politics. Else people remain ignorant. This was the conversation, by phone. December 2019. Him: what have you been up to? Me: names normal day to day family stuff, etc, then mentioned I'd been canvassing for Corbyn. Him: what! That terrorist sympathiser!!! Me: er, he's really not. Maybe don't believe everything you read in the daily mail. Him: slams phone down.

The end.