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Original poster

Financial support for a family member yes or no?

62 replies

UsuallyHappy43 · 05/02/2021 21:38

My sister lives abroad half way round the world. She and her husband run a business which is in financial diffculty. They are struggling to maintain their home and private life and are now in debt, to the point where they could lose everything. However, its not the first time this has happened and previously (15 years ago) our dad bailed them out to the sum of around £50k. He has since died leaving us all a really decent inheritance. It has all slipped through their hands again. Should I help again? Emotionally it is really hard to think of them suffering, but while I have been sensible and still have my inheritance in tact, should I be selfish enough to refuse to help? Or is it good money after bad? Any advice would be welcome. I am completely torn. My husband would not want me to help, but she is my sister : (

OP posts:
ememem84 · 07/02/2021 08:14

If a flat “no” won’t work on dsis then I’d offer to maybe pay mortgage one month. Or something. And send the money yourself.

Mil claimed poverty a while ago so dh lent her some money. She used jt to pay for a cruise.

A few months later she wanted more money because poor and coukdnt pay her rent. Dh asked for landlords contact details so he could pay direct. We’ve still never recieved them...

carben · 07/02/2021 08:44

I'd need to know more TBH. After that 50,000 some 15 yrs ago did the business survive and thrive? What's changed now? Is it COVID related? What does lose everything mean for them specifically? Do they have access to things like bounce back loans etc?

Designerenvy · 10/02/2021 00:02

It’s a tough one. Of course you want to help your sister but she’s been here before and I’d say , even if you bail her out, she will be in the same position at some future stage again.
I wouldn’t give it to her. I’d help out with a few household bills or money for food in the short term but that’s it !
A friend of mine gave her db a loan of €20,000 around 15 years ago for business too. ( it was her inheritance). The business is well gone and she never saw a penny of that money back! No one can afford to lose money like that !
If you do give it to her, don’t expect to see it back and don’t expect it solve her problems, it probably won’t !

rawalpindithelabrador · 10/02/2021 00:16

NO. NO. NO. She asks and you just tell her it's tied up, you've invested it, you've nothing spare.

WonderingFree · 10/02/2021 01:08

I know it’s hard situation. I would really hope that you differentiate between bailing someone out and doing why you can to help. Work out what you can support her with and then be clear that there you won’t be able to afford anymore. Give freely, give what you can afford. It’s a time of crisis for your sister and it will mean so much to her that you are direct, clear, without judgement and the money is a way of saying that you are there for her.

Chloemol · 10/02/2021 01:43

Hard as it is, the answer would be no from me, particularly from one bail out and an inheritance

Remember you have your own family, no one knows what’s round the corner. It’s highly unlikely they will repay you. What happens if you hand the money over then you/ your husband loses your job and you need the money to live! It’s not there

They are adults, they choose to spend like that, they reap the consequences this time

user1487194234 · 10/02/2021 01:53

No way would I let my sister lose everything if I was in a position to help

Iflyaway · 10/02/2021 01:56

No.

They seem to be taking the piss.

You bailed them out before and it didn't work.

Why are you feeling your sister has more rights to your money that your dad seemed to have distributed fairly, than you and your family do......? It's just emotional blackmail frankly.

"and still have my inheritance in tact" - you sound sensible. And you will need that for your future, don't let your sister make an emotional plea to you, they now need to fix their own problems.

MixedUpFiles · 10/02/2021 05:11

No, I wouldn’t give her money to just keep doing the same thing.

It would be different if she were asking for help with expenses during an illness or needing to hire a solicitor during a divorce

Wallywobbles · 10/02/2021 05:21

Head any requests off before they happen. Say I'm happy to give any advice or help but do not ask for money.

I've been there. And that conversation was a life saver.

MaryBerrysChutney · 10/02/2021 05:34

If you really want to help them, don't give them any more. Instead, save some money for her children and give it to them when they finish uni.

Neenan · 10/02/2021 19:26

Absolutely not. They have learnt nothing, they will take you down with them if you allow it.

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