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Original poster

Does she have the right to demand money from us?

58 replies

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 19:50

DH's x wife is demanding that we pay money for his son who is 17 and has just started to do his A-levels in school, do we have to give her the money, it's not that we don't support his dc's but we preffer to give them the money or buy them the things that they need rather than give her the money. she only has a part time job and a house she can't afford without our help, she has been advised to sell the house and go out to work full time, weather she does or not remains to be seen ,but legally do we have to give her the money and if so how much is it?

OP posts:

CadaverousCorpulentCarmenere · 29/10/2007 20:28

Let me tell you a secret. worrying about this will do no one any good what so ever. You dh has to give her the money, what she does with it it her responsibility.
He chose to have children with this woman and until they are independent adults he will have to pay for them.
Nothing you can say or do will change this so worrying about it is totally futile.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/10/2007 20:29

In answer to your OP - I think she can, yes.

WRT to the other responses - lay off a bit. It's not an ideal situation on either side.

NineUnlikelyTales · 29/10/2007 20:29

You don't seem like you really wanted to know the answer to your original question, OP.

Original poster

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 20:29

TBH I am astonished the boy's mother has let him get away with giving random handouts until now.

It has not been random hand outs I never said that, there we go again jumping to conclusions, we have paid for both dc's to go to private school because she wanted them to go there and I thinkif you look at the fee's for private schools we have infact be paying more than we would have done if the CSA had been involved, plus the rest.

OP posts:

Surfermum · 29/10/2007 20:31

How much is she asking for?

Aimsmum · 29/10/2007 20:33

Message withdrawn

thewatlingsofeastwick · 29/10/2007 20:33

Give kneehigh a break

Yes, dh has and should be paying for his dc but i can see why you are so freaked out, you seem to be having a struggle as it is and this is the last thing you need.

My advice to you is to set up a direct debit and pay into it every month, that way you dont need to be so frightened everytime the phone rings in case its the ex.

This is a tough situation for you, but your dh does still have to be a dad to the other children

Original poster

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 20:34

You don't seem like you really wanted to know the answer to your original question, OP.

your right now I have had time to think more about what I was wanting to say, would be more along the lines of:
Is there any way we can give the moeny to a trustee or something?

You all seem to have got me wrong on this matter, I would never see dh's children go with out and nor will they, it is just that we both want to know that the money we have to give to her goes to the dc's for the dc's and not to her. IYSWIM

OP posts:

thewatlingsofeastwick · 29/10/2007 20:36

Kneehigh, the money will go to the dcs one way or another so do not worry about that, it might pay a gas bill, or whatever but the money will go towards their home and upkeep

Original poster

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 20:36

Your Dh has 5 kids, he should pay for all 5.

And he does that is not the point here, he pays for his dc's she may or may most probably not use that money for what it is was intended for

OP posts:

silverfrog · 29/10/2007 20:38

I think the OP has been given a bit of a hard time. I think she is wanting to know whether it is ok legally for them to pay any maintenance to her dss and not to his mother. I don't think she is talking about not paying anyhting at all...

It's an interesting question, and one that dh and I have been wondering about too. Dh pays two different lots of maintenance, one lot to his ex-wife for her, and one lot for the dsc. we have been wondering whether, once dsc turn 18, he could pay their share direct to them, and let them work out with their mother rent/food contributions etc (should she choose to ask them) as we too are in the position of knowing that ex-wife does not spend the money on the children (dsd had to be bought new shoes last month by us as she had completely worn through the soles, and had also totally outgrown them (could not fit feet in them at all) - when ex-wife receives £650/month/child (plus more moey just for her) this is just a little wearing on us)

CadaverousCorpulentCarmenere · 29/10/2007 20:38

But kneehigh, the thing is that unfortunately you can't legislate for your dh's ex being a selfish cow. Believe me, I know how you feel. If your dskids mother lets them down, that is her responsiblity.
Just worry about your own dc's, who are, by the sounds of it, luckier with their parents, than their half siblings.

Original poster

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 20:38

the money will go towards their home and upkeep

So why is it then that a number of time the dc's have called us up and said there is no food in the house and thier mother isn't home and dh has had to call up his sister or mother to come and pick the dc's up and get some dinner for them?

OP posts:

thewatlingsofeastwick · 29/10/2007 20:39

Kneehigh i am not here to attack you, i am trying to help. If there is a question regarding the dcs welfare that is a totally different matter and should be taken further

Original poster

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 20:41

thankyou silverfrog! you obviously have a more eloquent way of putting it than I do, I ahve not come on here to say "NO we not giving them anything" more to ask is there another way to pay or someone else to pay?

OP posts:

fireflyfairy2 · 29/10/2007 20:41

What are you planning to do now you haven't enough money to pay your mortgage this month?

thewatlingsofeastwick · 29/10/2007 20:41

Regardless of how shitty this is for you , the fact is that dh has to pay for the children.

fireflyfairy2 · 29/10/2007 20:44

Silverfrog, why does your dh have to pay money for his ex? I totally see why people have to pay manitainance for their kids & rightly so, but for the ex????

Original poster

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 20:44

What are you planning to do now you haven't enough money to pay your mortgage this month?

Keep our fingers crossed, pray for a miracle .I don't know sell one of my dc's

OP posts:

thewatlingsofeastwick · 29/10/2007 20:46

You have to go to the mortgage provider kneehigh, this is not on at all. Have you gone for legal advise about the money issue, i am sure there others who have been in your position and can advise.

Original poster

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 20:47

Regardless of how shitty this is for you , the fact is that dh has to pay for the children.

I know and I have NEVER said that we won't infact I have repeatedly said that we will but I was trying to say is there another way, like give the money to tesco for food or a trustee, then at leat we know that the kids are being provided for in the correct way and we won't have them phoning us saying there is no food or no one is in iyswim?

OP posts:

silverfrog · 29/10/2007 20:48

'twas the court agreement, sadly...

She argued that she'd been a SAHM, so should stay that way, battled through the courts talking up all her expenses, got the money awarded (plus mortgage free house), then went out and got a job once the money was secure.

I suppose dh could try to get it overturned (especially since we can't afford it, but I guess that's our fault for having more children, not her fault for being unreasonable) but she has made an artform out of brainwashing the children that dh doesn't pay enough as it is - can't imagine what she'd come out with if he did stop paying her (and indeed, what she wil say when he legitimately stops paying next year)

thewatlingsofeastwick · 29/10/2007 20:48

I know how angry you are and worried but i am only trying to help. I wish you the best

thewatlingsofeastwick · 29/10/2007 20:50

Again can i ask you have you taken legal advise? Please answer this rather then making me sound like i am having a go at you

Original poster

kneehighinnappies · 29/10/2007 20:50

I know how angry you are and worried but i am only trying to help. I wish you the best

And thank you for your help and the best wishes.

OP posts:

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