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I’m drowning in debt

55 replies

usedandabusedx1000 · 21/01/2021 20:18

I have been for years. Or rather, I’ve been avoiding it all for years. I don’t even know anymore what I owe and to whom. I’ve tried step change, they can’t help unless I can tell them this info. I heard I could find this info by using Experian but whatever I do, they can’t seem to verify me. I’m lost. I’m stuck. I can’t face any of it anymore. I don’t know what to do or where to turn.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 22/01/2021 05:49

Are you on the electoral roll where you are living now? Is this address one that you'd consider 'permanent' ie as opposed to just sleeping on a mates sofa sort of arrangement?

If you're not on the electoral roll, get on it and that should sort out your credit agency issues.

However, I wouldn't use Experian as they charge for their services and not all lenders use them. You want the Money Saving expert credit club, or credit karma, both of which are free.

I also don't know if your credit file will include all your debts if they're registered at another address but it's a start.

The information posted by @autumntimebrowns looks useful in tracking down debts you've lost track of.

But it does sound like a DRO might be your best bet, providing you have no assets and no disposable income.

So the other thing you can do to help yourself while you're trying to identify your debts is to draw up a sustainable budget without any debt repayments. You'll also need to do this to get any formal debt help, so it's good to make a start.

Make sure you include an appropriate amount for food, travel, toiletries etc and even emergencies as you need to cover everything you may need without borrowing as you'll be effectively banned from credit for 6 years.

When many people start to slide into unmanageable debt, they often make the mistake of cutting back on food or other essentials in order to pay their debts, which is the wrong way round. Obviously you shouldn't be living a life of luxury while you're trying to get out of debt, but you're not expected to sit in a cold dark house eating cold beans either.

Have a look at www.moneysavingexpert.com/budgeting-debt-help/

Good luck Flowers.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/01/2021 06:01

I have no idea where I have been and when, I can’t figure it all out

What? How do you not know where you've been?

Cheongfan · 22/01/2021 06:21

What makes you think you're drowning in debt if you're not getting letters about it? Are you getting contacted in other ways (eg phone calls), having money deducted from your account or if it just you remember taking out credit but no one's chasing you (possibly because they don't know where you are)? I echo the advice from others - start by dealing with what you know about and keep a log for a month of what you are actually getting contacted about / paying. That's a good first step. Try contacting another one of the helplines (eg Christians against Poverty - you do not have to be Christian) if you don't feel you got anywhere with Stepchange. I'm not criticising Stepchange but you need to personally feel comfortable with your advisor so try another agency.

Separately, and as gently as possible, it sounds like your life has been very disorganized if you don't know where you lived when. Are you getting support more generally? That support may also be able to guide you to appropriate help with debt and will understand the particular issues you're facing.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 22/01/2021 06:42

How do you not know where you've been? There must be a lot more to this story.

Do you have any family or friends that could help you draw up a timeline of where you where for the last few years?

What credit or debit cards do you have in your purse, contact them and ask for details of what you owe and any addresses they have associated with your accounts.

usedandabusedx1000 · 22/01/2021 15:43

There isn’t “a lot more to this story” it’s just all been very confusing, I’ve had so much going on over the last few years, and honestly? I’ve just lost the plot a little bit. I can’t remember. In the last 5 years I have lived at the very least at 11 different addresses, some on my own, some staying with other people, family and friends, whom I’m no longer in touch with, I backed and for there’s between a few a different times so I can’t remember the timeline, I would put my address down as my mums sometimes when where I was wasn’t permanent, so officially, I don’t know where I’ve said I’ve been at any one time (there is nothing dodgy in this in that I’ve not lied for any reason, just been a case of “I will always received post if it goes to X address” so I’ve put that down for example) I know I’m in loads of debt because I’ve tried to face up to it several times over the years, but always get stuck and then bury my head in the sand. I blame nobody for any of this but myself, but I just don’t know how to undo or change any of it. One particular debt has caught up with me now, so I know I need to face it (I am now in a permanent address) I have no assets or disposable income to speak of, maybe that’s why I’ve avoided it all? Because I have nothing to give them, I never have any money as it is.

It’s just all such a mess.

OP posts:
Cheongfan · 22/01/2021 16:43

Start with the one that has caught up with you. And be kind to yourself. It sounds like you've been having a tough time.

TheCanyon · 22/01/2021 16:58

www.transunionstatreport.co.uk/CreditReport/AboutYou

Can you do this op? It's four simple questions and a choice based answer to verify your identity, I've just checked it for myself and the questions were 1) in June 2015 which bank did you open an account with 2) is the account you opened in 2010 a joint account 3) how long have you lived at your current address and 4) have you opened any credit or store cards in the last 12 months.

Had all my credit and addresses etc.

Cocomarine · 22/01/2021 17:07

So that’s a positive start - you know that you weren't in the habit of using addresses that you knew to be temporary to take out credit. So you don’t have to remember every one you were at, or for how long.

You might find it useful to look through old bank statements - some accounts go back years, online. Before you got into debt on anyone item, you’ll most likely have made some payments. So bank statement detective work can make you remember things like, “oh yeah - I had a phone through O2”, etc.

EvilPea · 22/01/2021 17:11

Deep breath op.
Deep breath. It will be ok Flowers
I’ve just had to do the annual review for my debt management plan. It’s been 15 years of it. I get that tummy lurch and sick feeling every time so I get it. But it will be ok.

sararh · 22/01/2021 17:22

"I'm in debt but I have not idea to who"

Hmm.

If you write a list, you can't name one company/person you owe money to? You've forgotten them all?

usedandabusedx1000 · 22/01/2021 17:33

@sararh yeah I can probably hazard a guess at some (I do, actually have a very very bad memory though, and that combined with trying to bury things, well......)

I don’t think it’s unusual to forget things that are years and years old???

Anyway, my point is, remembering one or two isn’t going to help me, if I phone those
Companies and make some form of payback agreement that I can’t afford, that won’t help me, I need to sort them all, I need a debt relief order or similar, for this to happen, I need to know about ALL the debt, or I could end up in the shit again

OP posts:
sararh · 22/01/2021 17:39

So you're first step is to get a clean notepad that you're only going to use for your debt information.

Then split the first page into three columns. Write 'Creditor' (meaning the company or person) in the first one, 'Estimated Amount' in the second and 'Estimated Date' in the third.

Then under 'Creditor', list EVERY SINGLE person or company who you MIGHT owe money to. Even if you're not sure.

In the 'Estimated Amount' column, enter the approximate amount you borrowed next to the creditor. Don't worry about accuracy. This is to get a feel for whether it's closer to £10 or £10,000.

The 'Estimated Date' again, be as accurate as possible, even if you can just get the year, that's a start.

Then come back and say how many you've thought of.

N

sararh · 22/01/2021 17:39

@usedandabusedx1000

sararh · 22/01/2021 17:42

Once you've done the first bit, on the second page, draw a timeline going back ten years. Split it out evenly. On the timeline, put major life events e.g. bought car, moved to house Y (even if you don't remember everywhere you've lived immediately, you'll start to jog your own memory).

Get this as complete as you can. Talk to your family to see if you can fill anything in. As you go, you might remember that you borrowed money around the time of this life event. If so, make a note on the timeline and write who you think you borrowed it from in the 'Creditor' column on page one.

You'll start to piece together a picture. If you can remember an amount but can't remember a creditor, put ?? in the creditor column and then fill in the amount and date next to it.

sararh · 22/01/2021 17:44

You need to take ownership of this OP and start getting things down on paper, however uncomfortable or boring or stressful or confusing it is.

The only way to get rid of these feelings is to get through this stage. Once you've done this, other people (step change, bankruptcy support, debt consolidation service or whoever) will be able to actually help you. But you need to help yourself first.

usedandabusedx1000 · 22/01/2021 17:46

@TheCanyon I have just used the link you suggested (luckily, it asked questions I knew the answers to!!!!!) I now have some, but I know there’s more than what’s showing, it’s a start I suppose 😩

OP posts:
AwaAnBileYerHeid · 22/01/2021 17:54

OP when did you last make any acknowledgement of the debt? Roughly how long ago? And when I say acknowledgement, I mean make a payment, speak to them about it etc..

TheCanyon · 22/01/2021 18:06

That's good news! How old are these debts though? Are some likely to have been removed?

usedandabusedx1000 · 22/01/2021 20:04

Some of them, I probably never acknowledged. I wouldn’t mind betting I never even made one payment, or agreed to and then didn’t.

I thought it was a myth that debts got
Closed after so long

OP posts:
Gliblet · 22/01/2021 20:10

Well, they don't really get closed, but some become unenforceable - for most types of debt it's after 6 years.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/help-with-debt/dealing-with-your-debts/check-if-you-have-to-pay-a-debt/

Similarly if you might not have had a proper, signed agreement explaining how and when you should repay in place then they might struggle to enforce the debt.

londonscalling · 25/01/2021 02:53

I was in a lot of debt previously and buried my head in the sand etc. I was so stressed that I couldn't remember who I owed or how much. A friend helped me get my paperwork in order and I contacted the various organisations. What seems like an extortionate amount of debt often isn't. You just need to address head on the problems you have paying it. I am now finally debt free. Good luck!

Shaniac · 25/01/2021 03:22

Sorry you are going through this op but pp are right, its time to be proactive now in order to get through this.

As a pp said, clean notebook onky for debt information. Write down the ones you already know and find out how much you owe to each.

Can i ask how you know how much you owe if you dont know who to? But the firdt thing, definitely find out how much is owed to the companies you know for definite.

Do you have a job and how much are your outgoings? Make note of all outgoings and cut back on anything unnecessary and set up an ammount to pay off each creditor each month then make a note in your notebook.

Have you spoken to citizens advice or im sure theres a christian debt charity that give advice too.

No judgement here though, no one knows anyone elses life or how they came to be in this position. Whats important is you are acknowledging it now.

1forAll74 · 25/01/2021 03:55

There has got to be some debt management place for you to get help, as these places have been mentioned on here many times.

Do you know if some debts are utility bills not paid, or credit card stuff that has gone wild whatever, but I don't know much about credit cards, as never had one. You can't be the only person who has a whole load of messy debt problems these days, and lots of people bury their head in the sand about it all, but you have had some good advice on here, to start the ball rolling now, despite you thinking that you don't know where to start with anything.

MadameMiggeldy · 25/01/2021 09:13

@usedandabusedx1000

There isn’t “a lot more to this story” it’s just all been very confusing, I’ve had so much going on over the last few years, and honestly? I’ve just lost the plot a little bit. I can’t remember. In the last 5 years I have lived at the very least at 11 different addresses, some on my own, some staying with other people, family and friends, whom I’m no longer in touch with, I backed and for there’s between a few a different times so I can’t remember the timeline, I would put my address down as my mums sometimes when where I was wasn’t permanent, so officially, I don’t know where I’ve said I’ve been at any one time (there is nothing dodgy in this in that I’ve not lied for any reason, just been a case of “I will always received post if it goes to X address” so I’ve put that down for example) I know I’m in loads of debt because I’ve tried to face up to it several times over the years, but always get stuck and then bury my head in the sand. I blame nobody for any of this but myself, but I just don’t know how to undo or change any of it. One particular debt has caught up with me now, so I know I need to face it (I am now in a permanent address) I have no assets or disposable income to speak of, maybe that’s why I’ve avoided it all? Because I have nothing to give them, I never have any money as it is.

It’s just all such a mess.

I moved around a lot in my twenties and really struggled to match dates. One trick that helped me was check the address roll on my Amazon account and my PayPal account as it saved every address I had ever entered . 💐
Barmcake · 25/01/2021 21:55

Thank you op for starting this thread and thanks to everyone else for all the advice I’ve actually pulled my head out of the sand and called someone today to start the ball rolling to sort our finances out.

Due to Covid, me being on furlough for nearly a year and DH having to take a job on much lower pay we are struggling to make ends meet so hopefully we will be able to get something sorted and be debt free

Thanks once again for making me feel that I’m not alone