Dp wants to use a lumpsum inheritance to become a part owner in the house - WWYD

[ForgetMeNotBlue1]

there is a bit of a backstory to this but just wanted to get your opinions as I'm wavering on this

when I met dp around 8 years ago, he earned a similar amount to me. Executive role, in a niche part of the music industry, in a job that he thought he'd be doing till retirement. Life, financially, was easy then because we earned the same.

In early 2019, dp lost his job, completely unexpectedly and because of his age and because of the music industry being in decline, he could not find another. After 6 months of him having no income whatsoever, applying for every job and getting turned down each time and getting more and more low about his prospects, we decided that he would just have to take the first job he could get, even if the salary was low.

he found a job earning 1/5 of what he was earning before that was part time, while still looking for another one that paid better and suited him better. Then Covid hit and there was nothing around. This isn't him not trying enough - I've heard some of the interviews he's done and some of them recently they have told him they have had hundreds of applicants for one role.

in the meantime, he's about to come into an inheritance. He wants to pay down the mortgage we have on the house (which I own in my own name at the moment) and get a share of the ownership.

from his position, I can understand why he wants to use his inheritance this way and gain an asset. But I am concerned that he will own say 1/4 of the house but is unable to contribute much to the running of it, due to his disposable income being so much lower.

it will help me because his contribution will practically bring the mortgage to zero so my disposable income will go up (but I will lose part of the asset)

this was always our plan, that he would become a part owner of the house, but this was when we earned the same and it made sense. Now that there's such a disparity, I can't decide in my mind what is fair and what isn't.

It would be a brilliant investment for him. For you, I don't see the benefit versus loosing sole control of your own house.

Really, don't do it.

@ForgetMeNotBlue1

yes it's my property, bought around 10 years ago before we got together

if he contributed, the mortgage would fall to zero basically so we would own the house together with no mortgage

He gets a huge benefit without paying for it.

If he has only lived with you for a few years then definitely not. If it had been longer and he was contributing more to bulls then yes.
Protect your home.
Maybe come up with a plan to split bills now that you feel is more equal because this is eating up at you.
Good luck

Buying a property for rent could be the answer. If his inheritance pays fully for this property, he has a rental income which he can use for his share of bills. If he puts a deposit down for the rental property, the rent should cover the mortgage. Either way he has an investment he can dip into at a later date. If you stay together, at a later date, you might decide to sell both your properties and get a great property which you both own. If you break up he has a property of his own which he could choose to live in or continue getting a rental income from.

It's one thing to accept lower contributions because he's got no money, but to know that he actually has money but has chosen to use it to buy something for himself rather than pay the bills would surely lead to resentment.

Far better for him to keep some back to pay for a fairer share of his living costs and then invest the rest elsewhere.

thanks all - yes i think that is the sensible answer!

Hi, pretty sure the point I wanted to make has been made already, could not log in quick enough to add my opinion but anyway!
You have these reservations for a reason OP and I would listen to them. Probably the biggest mistakes are made by dismissing our intuitive gut reactions.
It's great your dp did the right thing by his ex wife and children but he hasn't made any provision for his future and there must have been quite a gap between their relationship ending and yours starting. Plus, even though the music industry has really been destroyed it was never as steady as some others and your dp hadn't taken that into consideration. I have not been great with money, one of the few regrets I have. Something I always banked on fell through and no one could have imagined it. But this is my point - unexpected things do happen.
I have gone from being financially ok to being stuck living with my ex dp who is under no obligation to house or help me financially despite being together for 19 years and having two children together.
I hope you and your dp are happy together forever but I don't think you should let him own a portion of the house. Hopefully he could invest this money in something else that will provide him with some security. But I don't envy you telling him, it could bring up all sorts of things.

Not sure if anyone’s mentioned it. But if he gets a percentage ownership in your home and bequeaths his share to his DC. If he dies you’re also then facing the possibility of having to sell your home to give his DC their share of your home.

If you do agree to him buying a share in your home. Make sure you both have wills his allowing you to live on in the house and his DC only getting their share after you die or sell up.

@Honeyroar

You don’t sound like a partnership. Now he’s not a big earner you don’t want to be equal. The guy has hit hard times and has been struggling but hasn’t given up and now wants to put his inheritance into your property to make your outgoings less and you’re not feeling happy because you’d have to share your asset with him. It just sounds like a non serious relationship. He deserves someone there for him through the bad times too. (and I’m sorry if there’s some back story, this is just the way it came across from what I read).

I agree with this. If you're sure you want to be with your DP long term I couldn't imagine not letting him contribute. I could understand if since losing his job he hadn't bothered trying to find a new one and was happy living off you but you've said in the OP that he has been trying and making an effort and willing to take anything even if it's not what he would ideally choose. Maybe I'm just too trusting or see things differently but if it really is a partnership then I don't see why you wouldn't let him contribute.

no absolutlely not.

its way too complicated, IF you split, you stand to possibly lose more, your kids will loose out etc

its just not worth it - sorry!

As soon as you mentioned he had dc I went from 90 to 100% No.
If he died suddenly you could end up having to buy back from his dc what you currently own.

@Honeyroar what rot! She’s already supported him through having no job and now earning far less, for two years. That’s hardly callously cutting and running, is it?

Why do you think he wants to “share” her investment to lower her outgoings? I don’t see that. He just wants an investment for his money. If he wanted to lower her outgoings, he could say, “hey - I’ve come into some money so I’ll pay more towards the months bills than I have been doing, from now on.”

And I say “share” not share, because this isn’t about the OP not wanting to share assets, but about not wanting to just give away a chunk of an asset, an investment that she already has. A house as an asset isn’t something that you can just go and buy a bit of when you fancy investing in that. It’s not bonds or shares. You have to get yourself into a position to borrow to create a house as an investment. The OP did that, and can see the return. Why would she just give away a solid investment of her own, to him? Madness.

It doesn't sound as if you want to be a partnership If the roles were reversed I think the answers would be different

Have you checked with a solicitor he doesn’t already have rights to the property...? If he’s contributed to mortgage at any point and lived in it he can take you to court anyway

A big fat no from me. Some would say he’s already been a cocklodger for far too long. Would he have tried harder to get a better paid job, had you not been providing for him for the last two years? Where would he have lived, if not with you? What would his lifestyle have been like? You could end up sacrificing a comfortable retirement if you lose your house. Don’t do that to yourself!

@RedHelenB

It doesn't sound as if you want to be a partnership If the roles were reversed I think the answers would be different

They wouldn’t be from me 🤷🏻‍♀️

No I wouldn’t. He’s not a husband, only a partner. If you split later on you’ll have a right faff raising the funds to buy him out. If the house value has gone up you’ll end up paying him more than he invested. Depending on your age you may be unable to get a mortgage at that point and be forced to sell. If he goes in a care home the home will want his share and will force you to buy him out, and if you can’t you’ll be forced to sell. It’s just creating a problem that doesn’t have to exist.

He wants to ‘contribute’, but it isn’t a net contribution to you!

Yes, you get more disposable, but you lose 25 or 30% of your asset!

How did he suddenly / unexpectedly lose his job?

Just read that he has DC. That makes it a definite no. Even if he leaves the house to you they can contest it and end up forcing you to sell your home. Even if he left you a life interest in the house you’re still trapped.

My Aunty co/owned a house with her boyfriend who died. He left her a life interest in the property. His kids constantly pester and bully my Aunty to sell up and give them their share. They complain about how often she cleans THEIR house and even tried to insist on an annual inspection to make sure she was maintaining THEIR house. The worst part is now she’s getting older and she’s trapped in the house. If she sells to move into a bungalow she’ll have to give them their share, and the remainder won’t be enough to buy another property. She’s too old to get another mortgage to make up the difference. So she’s trapped in that house until she dies. Don’t end up in that situation.

it will help me because his contribution will practically bring the mortgage to zero so my disposable income will go up

Interested as to why you're not taking this into account.

You were ok when he was earning and sharing financial responsibilities. But now he's fallen on harder times, you're shying away.

You have a "what's mine is mine" attitude.

Which is fair enough. But, at least own it. Be upfront. Do what you want to do - tell him to invest his money elsewhere. Unless he's stupid he'll know you don't want him investing in/becoming part-owner of your property. That's the point at which there'll be a lot of talking to do, I guess.

FWIW I own my property, so does DP. Committed relationship but we aren't marrying. I want to leave my assets to my DCs, he wants to leave his to his DC. All discussed and agreed 1 year after we got together, and we're happy.

If you want something - or indeed don't want something - be upfront and say it.

@2021wedding

Have you checked with a solicitor he doesn’t already have rights to the property...? If he’s contributed to mortgage at any point and lived in it he can take you to court anyway

This. It's the family home and his residence. You don't necessarily have to be married or have kids for him to acquire rights to it. You need to consult a solicitor.

I think I would view it from the worst case scenario:

• if you split in the future - it would potentially then force the sale of your home.
• or give you an extra burden to buy him out - financial burden later in your working life

Not in a million years would I be giving a share in my home to any man. Let alone a man who's financially fucked -up and careless with money. Be sympathetic - but don't make his problems your problems.
At 48, you need to be thinking, "What's mine is my own.'" In your name and no-one else's.

I wouldn't... Keep the house yours.

Wouldn’t he be better looking into going into buy to let to give him an income.
Then could he talk to someone who might be able to advise him how using his current skills he might be able, eventually to go fully self employed or retraining or adding to his skill set to approach getting back into music through another door doing something that he never knew he could do or was a thing or going in a completely opposite direction. If you see what I mean.

I think he is panicking as he clearly can’t do what he is doing for the next 20 years. It must be soul destroying for him and he is grasping for some sort of solid base which owning just a small part of the house he lives in might give him.
But obviously the dynamics aren’t right