Housing dilemma - sell my house to rent somewhere bigger?

[Mimi07]

Me and my dh have a mortgage which is £850 a month. We have around 60,000 equity in the house but we're unable to buy somewhere bigger right now as he is not working. We have 1 year old triplets and an older child and work and childcare just isn't an option - it costs too much. So for the next 2 years we plan to manage on just my salary, which isn't huge - 24k.

We need more space - well, we're fine in all honesty and we could stay put for the 2 years but it's a bit of a nightmare. The other issue is the mortgage is eating up a lot of my wage. We have a car on finance and a credit card and by the time we have paid these things and bought necessities there isn't anything left which can be stressful when you have 4 kids.

I'm considering selling and renting somewhere - but realise this would just eat up all my equity - would it be the worst idea ever? I'm 30 - i feel like i have time to start again, but should i just struggle this next few years and deal with it?

Ok, writing that down seems daft and makes me think - yes, just stay put and be skint for a bit.

One thought i had was we could get a buy-to-let mortgage easier and get somewhere smaller (house would be around 90,000 purchase price and rental income of £550)- I have ran this past a broker and it looks do-able with about a 30,000 deposit. We would then have 30,000 left in the bank to pay rent for the 2 years until he can work and at least I know i won't blow all of the equity and we have some assets. Am I being daft? I over think a LOT and my mind just keeps running through different options to save us from the stress we're currently dealing with.

Ref BTL
If a property is empty with no tenants
You still need to pay
Council tax
Utilities
Landlord insurance
Mortgage
Repairs ongoing
Gas & electric safety check
Tax on income
Agency fees or manage the property yourself

You are not in a position to do this !

Could your DH become a registered child minder and take on another child or two to make some extra cash? There are grants available for start up costs too.

Yy to suggesting to your nan that she apply for attendance allowance, which she might accept can go towards household expenses, if you help her apply for it.

Of course, she might just keep that too, but if you explain to her that it is an allowance that is designed to help people to stay at home, and to invest in their own homes (ie your house) to ensure that everything is OK for them - like heating and lighting and food and council tax - then she might just accept that . . .

It is not means tested, it is available to all who need extra help, such as you provide for her.

Of course it's worth asking your Nan to financially contribute.

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo her DH already has maximum numbers of DC as a childminder as they have 1 year old triplets

Could nan not claim for attendance allowance ...then pay that to you .....the lower rate is £57pw. It doesnt have any effect on any oher benefits she may be claiming so it wont feel like shes spending her own money - although i feel like she should be contributing and not living for free.

@Inside00ut I think we've already established that I'm staying put.

@Ilikewinter Possibly. I've never looked into that side of things. Their is also a 'carers element' to UC that I've never looked at and could consider. I'd have to have a look into it all but it looks promising.

Keeping thousands in cash in the home is dangerous, it will not be covered on insurance.

I know you don't want to ask her, and she will plead poverty, but you are in actual poverty and are living in seriously cramped conditions. The least she can do is pay her way, £60 a month is bloody atrocious by any standards.

OP can I say what a lovely person you sound! I do understand why you would have your nan living with you, especially having lost your mum.

Do you think maybe your nan doesn't realise how you are struggling financially? Given her age, and the fact she's not had her own home for so many years, is she aware of how housing costs are completely out of proportion to wages (far more so than 30-40 years ago). I think maybe have an honest chat with her if you can, and at least suggest the attendance allowance mentioned above. I know with elderly people going into a care home is a huge fear, you can say that this will enable you to keep her at home with you and keep caring for her.

Does your relative receive state pension or pension, plus pension credit ?
Google says £179 per week
Plus may receive winter fuel payment
Plus cold weather payment

I am just angry on your behalf !

You have an adult not paying their share

You mention your kids are in nursery 2 days a week, assuming you have to pay for 2 full days, but it looks like there is only 2 or 3 hours overlap when you're working and so is your DH, would it be more cost effective to get a babysitter or even a nanny (I have a friend running a nanny agency, I always assumed it was only for the super rich, but actually it would have worked out pretty much the same as nursery for my 2 so it may be cheaper if you have 3 and they're very flexible on hours, although not all agencies may have the same policies)

Have a look on the Up Your Income boards on moneysaving expert, there are lots of little tricks that make a few extra £ from home if you ever get a down moment, although I don't imagine you have an hour or two a day free to be honest.

I find it hard to see how you are managing on £24k with your mortgage, car finance and living expenses and paying for 7 people. Although you’re hard up, you aren’t saying it’s impossible, which I’m amazed by, when you factor in bills etc too.

Re your Nan.....are you able to simply say to her that you’d like to chat about house finances. Don’t start from a position of asking for money but just run her through some of the costs and be honest about your monthly income and the impact your DH not working and oooking after kids has. Just spell out to her what your finances look like. You’d hope that at that point she might offer to contribute a bit more. And if she doesn’t, at that point I probably would just quietly enquire whether she feels she could contribute a bit more to the household. It’s not an u reasonable request and she is an adult and can see this is a hard time for you with the 3 little ones.

Okay, she might say she doesn’t want to pay more or plead poverty etc....all I can say is that I would find that so disappointing if that’s what she says. And I wouldn’t make a huge thing about it, but I would just quietly and briefly say I was a bit disappointed.

Whatever your relationship, I don’t think an adult with plenty of money should expect to be fully funded by their relatives who are at the stage of life you are and with the financial struggles you have.

Please look at applying for attendance allowance and carers allowance. It. Also can cover ni contributions for pension.
Cab or age uk can help with forms
This would change your lives.

@WombatChocolate

I come out with 1620 in the bank after student loan deduction. We then get 240 child benefit and i think our UC will come out at about 600/700 - I’ll have to wait and see though. So that gives us about 2500 coming in. Mortgage is 850, car 190, credit card 60. Bills come to around 600. Food around 400/500 (including toiletries) , petrol around 100. So there’s around 300 leftover.

It just doesn’t feel like there is 300 leftover!! I’m going to try and cut some of the above back and think I can add another 100 to the ‘spare’ pile. But realistically with 4 kids, their is nothing really spare.

I think you’re right. I don’t need to make it a request. The issue is, if I ask her for help with anything she then watches my every move and I sometimes feel the need to excuse myself for even buying the kids clothes. Like “ohhhh another new top”. It’s draining. And yes, she is totally taking the mick and a little bit of a drain on my life in all honesty but i know their is no way I would ask her to leave so I try to just be as positive as I can. Otherwise, I’d be miserable.

@thesandwich I will have a look. I think caters allowance would just come off our universal credits a wouldn’t really help us but I have seen their is a ‘carers element’ that you can add to universal credits so I need to look into this!

And yes, she is totally taking the mick and a little bit of a drain on my life in all honesty but i know their is no way I would ask her to leave so I try to just be as positive as I can.

OK, so accepting there is no way you will ask her to leave, then please don't sign yourself up to however many years you have left of bending over backwards not to upset her whilst your family struggles.

You and your partner need to agree your approach, including an amount that you think is a reasonable contribution - and make sure it IS a reasonable contribution, she is having bed and board - then both sit down together with her and present a united and determined front.

Point out that you are very pleased to have her living with you, but the financial situation is no longer sustainable. You know that had she been aware, she wouldn't have wanted you to struggle(!), but you have been embarrassed to ask.

Whilst you accept that she may prefer to make alternative arrangements (she won't, she knows where her bread is buttered!), if she is going to continue living with you then she is going to have to make a reasonable contribution to her keep.

Tell her that if things continue as they are, you will have to look at alternative housing that would not be big enough to include her.

For interest, although obviously this is her business, do you know what she intends doing with the money she is accumulating when she dies? If she says that 'you'll get it all later' then tell her firmly that you are struggling NOW, and reiterate that you are not making an unreasonable request.

Given she has nowhere else to go it will have to be 'pay something towards your living costs or leave'. You can't carry on like this, it's not fair and it's not sustainable.

Everything you are giving to your nan in terms of money and time is coming out of what you can give your children. You may feel that it is justified because of care she has given you in the past, but please be under no illusion that your kids have fewer nice things because she chooses to hoard, and begrudges them nice things. As they become older and more aware that will be difficult for them and you owe it to your children to at least stop the comments.

I second TheProvincialLady and Whitney168 has given you excellent advice. You cannot put your care for her above your care for your children (which will happen if you lose your home). What would you tell your children if they were in this situation as adults? Is this what you want to model to them?

@sosotired1 have you read everything?
I think you’re being a bit dramatic.
We won’t lose our home.
We have around 300 spare a month so losing our home won’t happen.
My kids love having her here and I actually see a lot of kindness and empathy from my eldest in regards to how she treats my Nan and I honestly think it’s been nice for her.
When I’m busy with the babies - my eldest can sit and colour with my Nan. Their are benefits.
It really isn’t as doom and gloom as you are suggesting.
I’m sure people on MN look for drama where there isn’t any.

I would prioritise paying off the credit cards and car finance even if you have to buy a cheaper car. Then you might find your finances are more manageable.

I’m sorry I can’t help but @Mimi07 you are absolutely awe inspiring. You sound so lovely and really kind to your Gran and you guys have been through the wringer. I have a preschooler and 1 year old twins and I’m on my knees. I really feel for you on the childcare and car costs as they’re astronomical with twins let alone triplets. Anyway, there’s been loads of good advice on here and really hope you get things sorted. Huge hugs from one multiple mum to another. Although you are an absolute hero with 3 at once

@HermioneKipper ohhh no it’s hard!! I honestly think there’s no comparing. When I just had 1, I found it hard. Kids are hard!! But you just get on with it don’t you and the joy they bring makes up for it.
I don’t know if it’s because I lost a baby but honestly I’m obsessed with them. They bring me so much happiness and I quite often feel overwhelmed with it. I honestly feel grateful and know their are a lot of people in much worse situations than us and I just count my blessings.
We will get there. Their has been good advice here and I’m glad I’ve got the daft idea of renting out of my head. 2 years of knuckling down and I’m coming for that 30 hours of funding!!!! Bring it on!!!
Thank you!!!

@Mimi07 you are managing very well. It's very hard when dc are little, it will get better. You have another couple rough years ahead of you, but keep a tab on all you spend so you know where you can cut back.

As for Nan, she should pay rent but that will impact your UC, so instead why doesn't she cover the weekly shop? That would be about what she should pay in rent anyway.

In addition if she's over the money amount and has to hide thousands that doesn't really sit well either. I know many do hide/move monies so entitlement isn't impacted but that just seems a bit unethical to me. Time she starts paying her way and then she won't have so much left over either.