Housing dilemma - sell my house to rent somewhere bigger?

[Mimi07]

Me and my dh have a mortgage which is £850 a month. We have around 60,000 equity in the house but we're unable to buy somewhere bigger right now as he is not working. We have 1 year old triplets and an older child and work and childcare just isn't an option - it costs too much. So for the next 2 years we plan to manage on just my salary, which isn't huge - 24k.

We need more space - well, we're fine in all honesty and we could stay put for the 2 years but it's a bit of a nightmare. The other issue is the mortgage is eating up a lot of my wage. We have a car on finance and a credit card and by the time we have paid these things and bought necessities there isn't anything left which can be stressful when you have 4 kids.

I'm considering selling and renting somewhere - but realise this would just eat up all my equity - would it be the worst idea ever? I'm 30 - i feel like i have time to start again, but should i just struggle this next few years and deal with it?

Ok, writing that down seems daft and makes me think - yes, just stay put and be skint for a bit.

One thought i had was we could get a buy-to-let mortgage easier and get somewhere smaller (house would be around 90,000 purchase price and rental income of £550)- I have ran this past a broker and it looks do-able with about a 30,000 deposit. We would then have 30,000 left in the bank to pay rent for the 2 years until he can work and at least I know i won't blow all of the equity and we have some assets. Am I being daft? I over think a LOT and my mind just keeps running through different options to save us from the stress we're currently dealing with.

Honestly, I wish we could move and not take her with us but she is sticking with us. She is 84. She has lived with me all my life. She lived with me when I grew up and my mum was disabled so she took care of my mum whilst my Dad worked and then my mum passed away. So My Nan took care of me and my younger brother for a little while. Now there's just me really who would have her and I can't ask her to move out.

She does help in some ways - if the washer broke for example, she would buy a new one. I have that reassurance there and I know I'm lucky to have that. I don't really mind that she doesn't contribute. I only find it annoying that she expects so much of me and doesn't really appreciate her lot in life. She's obviously managed to save all her money because she's always lived with other people. But she will act poor and moan about having to pay for things - honestly, she's something else really.

I'm not sure I need to question my priorities. My priority is obviously my family and this is just our set up. Unusual, but my kids love her and to them she is part of the family. Yes, she should contribute more but it really isn't an issue to us as a family and not something I really think about. Her attitude towards me is an issue and I do pull her up on it and reign her in every now and again, aside from that there isn't much else I can do.

Your Nan could use some of her money to pay for home help which would give you breathing space.

How does your Nan living with you affect the UC?

Does your Nan have dementia? If yes you can get a 50% discount on your council tax.

How old is she? Can you still get a free TV licence?

I think your Nan has to chip in financially. Are there other family members who could broach this with her in a neutral way?

Get on the earn £10 a day thread on here. There are lots of legit online working jobs that he could do around the kids to bring some money it

See the thing with the curtains - this sounds daft but over the years you could love it...what about getting an automatic curtain closer and opener? My Grandparents had those in the 1990s on a timer. Was ace.

We've got a manual thing that we put to open and close the curtains. It's a silly thing but it makes my life so much easier and cumulatively over 15 years has saved me, oooo at least an hour! 😆

I’m sorry but you can’t afford to feed clothe and house 7 of you on what you earn, I am actually in awe of how you do what you do but seriously your Nan has to make a regular contribution
It doesn’t mean you don’t love her or that she’s not part of your family but she can’t do anything practical and she has got money so she can pay you rent. How much would it cost her if she lived somewhere else?
Also, if your DH is at home with her can he get carers allowance for her? That would be something at least

Your nan needs to contribute more or move out. The extension could be used as another living space.
I know that she’s your nan, but she needs to help

@SciFiScream Well no, because she lives separately to us 'in theory' and manages her own money, she isn't part of our claim. She also isn't classed as a lodger because she doesn't pay rent - if she did pay us something then I guess that would be classed as income and then yeah it would come off our universal credits claim.

She doesn't have dementia - although some general old age memory issues. She struggles to walk, and even stand actually so most tasks are hard for her. She had a fall last year and social workers came out and suggested home help and also something where she would have a button around her neck to press - she wouldn't pay for anything.

We do get a free TV Licence.

I honestly don't expect her to contribute. I know if I asked her she would help me, but I don't ask! If I really really needed some money for food, then I would - but I'd rather not 'owe' her anything. She tends to hold that against people in a way of expecting something back.

We manage. It just isn't much fun with all these kids!! I wouldn't have chosen 4 kids but here I am and they are really quite expensive!!

I appreciate all the help and advice and I've seen sense with the renting thing. I think I just feel a bit mentally drained (we had a still born daughter in 2018, triplet pregnancy was rough, dh losing his job when they were fresh out of nicu and now home schooling alongside everything else) and I wanted to not have anything additional to worry about but I need to just plod forwards and know that in 2 years time things will be easer.

Are you aware that some care homes charge £1000+ per week per person

Suggest relative sets up a standing order to pay you once a month asap

Free TV licences ended last year unless the elderly person is on pension credit

@Hoppinggreen Lockdown has actually helped - because we don't go anywhere or buy anything and luckily the babies have no idea what birthdays and christmas' are!!!

I did start buying clothes on ebay for them but that made me feel really sad because I was buying them things I didn't even like, but I suppose it doesn't matter and I guess I'll have to start doing that again.

When you look at it, even with food - we should have about 200/300 spare a month. With cutting the tv package out and changing our mortgage rate - that's an extra 100. I need to sort those asap.

I just know that this was the case before September when he got some work, and we were always panicking about money. I guess it just goes in places you don't see. We do have things that come out of paypal and itunes that we can get rid of - the subscriptions - they probably add up to about £40 a month - so that's something too.

I just know there are a lot of people much worse off. I try to just stay positive but it's a total front and realistically I wish it was a bit easier.

Hang on didn't you say there was a time you couldn't buy the food you needed and had to take a mortgage holiday? Why on earth didn't you ask her to contribute?

Surely the answer to some of this is that the 3rd adult living with you and also contributing to the space issue, pays towards her living costs?

@Mimi07 there's loads of ways that using your library can help you save money without feeling as though your quality of life has been affected.

Through my library I borrow books, magazines and papers - all online so no need to visit. They also have a free film streaming service (not popular movies but still, it's free! You might discover you love arty farty movies! )

When allowed to visit you can borrow box sets, movies and music oh and books!

I think my library membership easily saves me £1000 a year.

Library membership can help take the pain out of cutting costs on subscriptions (our local library is now operating a click and collect service and you can borrow Disney DVDs).

Plus If you use your library more often you help protect it for the future.

This is going to sound harsh and I am sorry because as I said I am actually in awe of what you manage to do and you sound like you have had some tricky stuff to deal with
You are struggling to buy clothes for your kids, you can’t save, you are depending on your Nan for helping if some breaks down and you sound really stressed with it all
In the meantime the solution to (some of) your problems is living rent free in an extension that you need for something else while hanging onto her cash (for what?) and pleading poverty while expecting you to run round after her.
It’s so frustrating to hear how you are on your knees to the extent you are thinking about selling your house when you won’t tell her she has to help. I know I’m sitting her telling you to do it and I don't have to face it myself But you sound lovely and she sounds like a selfish old bat frankly.
You wish it were easier? It could be if you stood up to your Nan, what does your DH think about it?

your grandma is using your generosity (at the expense of her great grandchildren) to store up savings which, in all likelihood, will be given to the local council for care costs down the line.
You need to have a blunt conversation with her and say that she must contribute to all bills. She may genuinely be oblivious. And if she's not, then you need to hear from her why she believes her ability to save trumps your ability to adequately house and look after four tiny children. She's not too old to hear this.

(out of interest - if you did sell the house and move to rented, would you move grandma with you and cover her rent for her?)

I wonder if the idea of selling, moving and renting was an unconscious effort to get Nan to move on?!

Some people are living to 120
Are you willing to subsidize another adult for decades ?

Whilst the children are young you can really cut back.
I put everything on credit card just to see exactly where the money is going.
I know you say you only spend £60/70 per week in Aldi but I suspect the bread and milk and bits and pieces you buy as a top up are costing you a lot more than you realise. Maybe invest in a small deep freeze and buy a full shop from Aldi and freeze the bread and milk and other stuff you buy.
Save your receipts for a week and see exactly what you are buying.
A tip if you are vegetarian. Holland & Barrett do a very large packet of dried soya mince for £1.99 and that lasts us for at least 2 or 3 meals per week. We are vegetarian. We don’t like the dried soya chunks though.

Your Nan would be entitled to attendance allowance probably at the higher rate which she could then either give to you or pay for carers.
I was going to suggest doing surveys which can make upto £80 on a good month but really your nan should be paying. Essentially she's got no living costs and free care. She should give you £1000 a month to cover all her costs, heating, power, room, food, laundry, care etc.
I think its your DH who would be entitled to carers for her as he earns less. She will also be getting the winter fuel allowance.

@EuroTrashed No, I was looking at places that had a spare room downstairs for her. I know, I sound mad.

DH surprisingly doesn't seem to bother. I know I wouldn't put up with it if I was in his position - not the way she can behave sometimes, anyway.

Yes, we took the mortgage holiday just before covid hit, when my partner lost his job. We took the mortgage holiday and paused any other bills we could so that we could buy necessities and then we have played catch up ever since. We are back on track now and we're at an okay place - just with very little spare. I wish my husband could continue in his job and we continue as we are, but it won't work due to the shift change.

Clearly the answer is asking her for money. Maybe I can consider it. I'm not sure it's worth it, she will no doubt plead poverty!! I can't ask her to move out - their is nobody else who will have her! I'd also hope my kids would be happy to have me in their homes rather than a care home - but then I wouldn't be sleeping on my money!! I'll see how the first month of only one income pans out and then look at money once I know for sure what UC we will get.

Your Nan couldn't manage on a £60 per month food budget if she lived on her own so she does need to contribute a bit more just to cover the additional costs of her living with you for food and water.

She is benefiting from the economies of scale from living with with a large family food wise.

I think the problem is that what ever money received from the Nan will be taken off the UC so really there isn’t much point.
Instead could your Nan buy a couple of weeks shopping each month or pay the electric/gas bill so in a round about way she contributes without you actually receiving any cash.

Even £10 per week towards the food shop on top of the water bill would be a more realistic figure.

Yes but Nan could buy the food shopping or pay utility bills without it affecting benefits.

You should not sell your house. It's not ideal but could you look into extending the mortgage term. It's better not to do this. But certainly a better alternative than moving into rented. I think a buy to let would be a nightmare idea in your circumstances.