Housing, long term sensible choice

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

So I need some advice.
I have one son with my partner. He has 3 children from a previous relationship.
I own my current home outright, bought pre us living together. This is good for me as no living costs. It's 3 bed semi on a main road but in a nice small town/large village. Good schools locally and 1 mile from my parents. Long ish commute for my work but it's a nice area.
Down side is main road at front but back is a cul de sack, so quite ish and the garden is a small. But there is a nice park 150mtrs away at end of road.
Partner complains its small but he cannot afford to contribute to anywhere bigger so it would be me taking risks etc.
I'd like a 'smarter' house somewhere off the main road in the smae village but it would easily be 130k plus more for a 4 bed as hard to come by in this area.
I'm not sure it's worth the financial risks to do this but I also get that I'd having a 'better' asset in terms of a bigger house got selling on in the future or downsizing.
If dp could contribute then I'd be okay, ring fence my contribution and go for a bigger house. But as things stand it would be me taking all the risk.
The current lack of mortgage means I save regularly and can afford holidays etc plus don't worry about expenses (I'm a bit of a worrier and finaically cautious).
Views?

@RandomMess

Is that you op with the "D"P and his hobby job where he does nothing with your shared DS?

I think that’s a yes then!

I'd be wary about him contributing to a conversion. I had an extension on my house which dp paid odd bits off. Now every now and again I am reminded he helped pay for it. It would be much cleaner in the event of a split if it was all my money had paid for it.

I agree tbh, hence its last in the budget list. I'm going to my ki then and garden as the kitchen is form 1979 and is last thing to do in house then see what's left.

I want kids to feel happy here but I agree my financial security is important.

Don't give up financial security for a man who has no assets or savings, you would be utterly mad

I think Id go down the line of- well there isn't much point in moving until Ive done up this house, then take years to finish. Then when you move it maybe at the same time as collecting your pension and you can down size.

it does feel like this man is looking to you to finance him and his first children though, how would he survive if it wasn't for you and his free rent?

Hello I'm approx 30 years from retirement age so even with the best will that won't work! I've done everything apart form kitchen and the garden when I bought the place. New fence went up last year but I want to landscape and do drive etc and then that's pretty much finished.

Honestly no idea regarding money. He pays half bills so does pay his way here, but I appreciate the living costs are substantially lower than normal

How old are the children? I assume you have no plans to marry him?

How sure how like you have been together but only buy if you can absolutely afford it solo. Personally I wouldn't take on extra debt in current circumstances especially with economic uncertainty.

I imagine he does want a larger place for his children but he should have sorted that already. Did he never have a place for them on his own?

He wants to marry, I'm not sure for various reasons but security is one of them. Ours is 2.5, his are 13(M) , 10(M) and 9 (f)

What advantages are there to you getting married? What disadvantage do you put yourself in if you marry

Then ask what advantage is there if he marries you?

If his youngest is 9 then within 6 years, which will speed by, his children will be leading their own luves and the extra bedroom- will it really be needed?

Agreed, I really do agree.

But due to sex n ages they can't share really.
My preference would be all in the largest double which is a very decent size, boys in bunks and with a room divider for privacy.
My little one would continue to have the single bedroom.
Partner and his exw disagree on the room points.

I want to be supportive and helpful to the family unit, but money and space only go so far.
I do agree that the 10000pcm a mortgage would be on a big 4 bed wouldn't be worth it really

If you do marry, it doesn't mean your home becomes his. The first inkling I had that my husband who brought nothing to the table had his eyes on my assets, I willed them to the children and gave him a right to remain in the home.

If he is with you for you then he has lost nothing by you doing that.

My dds didn’t have a bedroom with ex, at some points. At one point eldest slept in a cupboard- a very large cupboard but obviously sleeping arrangements weren’t ideal. What was important was access

Bunk beds & a divider is great for EoW and rest assured they won’t all come into their teens as they have life to get on with.

You can get some great shelving to divide a room really well and as king as it’s “their” space it won’t matter how small it is

Yeah Ive seen some fabulous and clever room ideas on here and on ikea and other places for deviding spaces. I'm all for this as saves a fortune longer term.

I will look into room decider ideas further

If your partner and his ex are unhappy about your solution, then they will need to come up with a solution and fund it - give it back to both of them to sort and don’t worry about it yourself

True. I like the kids and wnat them happy but it's far too much money.
Thanks everyone.
Room. Dividers are first option with clever ideas and then the garage conversion.

10000pcm

How much?

Typo! Sorry! Should read 1k pcm as that's what a mortgage would be on a 4 bed round here based on a 25% deposit.

Phew - it's still a lot, but not crazy.

If your partner isn’t happy re rooms he needs to come up with a solution & pay for it. You need to hang on to your security, you’ve worked for this and perhaps different if your partner was to bring an equal share to the table but he’s not and he’s expecting you to house his kids and pay for it and not contribute.

Sorry if I've missed this but is your garage integral or attached?

A garage conversion would be the most sensible way forward. If you alone are providing a home for everyone I'd be asking him to give you a substantial contribution for a garage conversion to be honest. Ask for the contribution into your account directly.

We converted our garage to an extra bed/ office room and a utility room.
We are quite keen DIY and it came in, with a new fibreglass roof and full building regs just under £14,000. The quotes we'd had for the two rooms were between £23- £27k, a single room wouldn't be as much and an integral garage is even cheaper.

Just as we finished my eldest left for university and we no longer need the space.

That's the other thing to consider, in 5 years time your partners eldest will be 18. The time does fly. It seems silly to land yourself with a bigger mortgage when you'll be needing less room soon not more.

No it's an external garage. But as lcokdown hi I won't be doing my kitchen for months now :( so everything will be delayed by months and months and months.

@Pleaseaddcaffine

I'll cost up the garage conversion. Anyone any ideas on costs? Would 5 to 10k cover it? It has water and electric but no heating currently but I can extend to the existing system. More insulation etc would be needed I imagine.

We've just paid £6k to have the back 2/3rds of our garage converted to an office with the front third kept as garage storage. That included putting in heating, an insulated floor, the stud wall, fire door to the front bit, plastering, a new back door and a cupboard to conceal the boiler

Then I think room dividers are the sensible way forwards.

And as PP have said, if he and his exW aren't happy with the arrangement then they can sort out a solution.

You've been more than amazing to provide what you do. Don't put your financial stability in jeopardy. His children are his responsibility. Your first responsibility is to your son and your own security.

It's not as though they don't have a room between them when they come. You could have been in a two bed flat with children on blow up beds on the lounge floor.

You've provided well. Now it's between him and his ExW to sort out what they feel they can provide for their children.

By the time you've made the improvements the eldest will be off doing his thing as teenagers are. You'll then have only two sharing the largest room and if you had moved to a four bed this would be the case anyway? You aren't gaining anything.

Stay put & get him (not you) to buy room dividers.

Thanks. I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised by everyone being supportive regarding solutionsthat don't require a move. I've clearly been feeling unessiarily guilty about the bedrooms.

Thank you x

Is there a dining room that could be used as a bedroom?

I would not marry as he would be eligible for some equity as you have a shared child.
Did he leave his exw with the house?

I understand his desire to have more space but the risk is on you and it's only upside for him.
You have a young child and it would be best to focus on his future, savings and your pension. I can't see why you would marry but do suggest you have Wills.