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Original poster

Housing, long term sensible choice

85 replies

Pleaseaddcaffine · 03/01/2021 14:47

So I need some advice.
I have one son with my partner. He has 3 children from a previous relationship.
I own my current home outright, bought pre us living together. This is good for me as no living costs. It's 3 bed semi on a main road but in a nice small town/large village. Good schools locally and 1 mile from my parents. Long ish commute for my work but it's a nice area.
Down side is main road at front but back is a cul de sack, so quite ish and the garden is a small. But there is a nice park 150mtrs away at end of road.
Partner complains its small but he cannot afford to contribute to anywhere bigger so it would be me taking risks etc.
I'd like a 'smarter' house somewhere off the main road in the smae village but it would easily be 130k plus more for a 4 bed as hard to come by in this area.
I'm not sure it's worth the financial risks to do this but I also get that I'd having a 'better' asset in terms of a bigger house got selling on in the future or downsizing.
If dp could contribute then I'd be okay, ring fence my contribution and go for a bigger house. But as things stand it would be me taking all the risk.
The current lack of mortgage means I save regularly and can afford holidays etc plus don't worry about expenses (I'm a bit of a worrier and finaically cautious).
Views?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 03/01/2021 16:04

Is that you op with the "D"P and his hobby job where he does nothing with your shared DS?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/01/2021 16:07

I would do it if he could get a mortgage and secure your deposit but if he’s not even on the mortgage then I wouldn’t bother.

Does he contribute to bills and food before we all call him a cocklodger ?

Bargebill19 · 03/01/2021 16:09

Don’t do it. As you get older, security is everything. As you are is suitable for you and your children. His children are getting to the age where they will be choosing not to visit in favour of friends/holidays/family arguments/college. Etc. In other words - you won’t necessarily need the extra space in a couple of years.

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 03/01/2021 16:15

Thank you. Clear agreement on staying put!

OP posts:

DianaT1969 · 03/01/2021 16:23

Would losing the garage detract from the value when you come to sell?
Please don't get a mortgage to support his lifestyle choices. Keep saving into your own account and pension - try to avoid subsiding him more than you already are. I'm the first person to sympathise with the self-employed during this pandemic, but it sounds as if he was coasting before.

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 03/01/2021 16:33

How would I find that out about gaagre imapcing value? Would u just ask an estate agent? All the houses here have garages although some are home offices now with covid.

OP posts:

Tisahardlife · 03/01/2021 16:35

It sounds like he is packaging up his problem and presenting it to you as your problem

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 03/01/2021 16:37

I have my own reasonable pension plus another asset which is designed as a pension income or lump sum when I retire in 30 years (God that seems a lifetime away!)
I tend to save what my old mortgage cost. Eg the 600pcm I would ahve spent on a mortgage I put into savings plus 50pcm for away for my ds and 50pcm as emergency fund eg car repairs/boiler/roof etc.

Dp pays half bills Inc childcare for our ds which is around 350pcm and I pay same. Plus I have some other expenses which are not joint eg holiday home costs etc. But it's work out very comfortable at the moment.

OP posts:

savvy7 · 03/01/2021 16:50

I agree with other posters that you should stay where you are, but having looked at lots of houses, I've not seen one yet with a great garage conversion. However if you're not concerned about selling any time soon, just do what suits you.

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 03/01/2021 17:06

There technically would be no reason to sell, unless I needed to downsize later on.

OP posts:

blue25 · 03/01/2021 17:12

A definite no from me. Stay where you are. Being mortgage free is a great position to be in & allows for a low stress life.

It would be too much risk for you to take on by yourself & no guarantee of continuing house price rises.

NovemberR · 03/01/2021 17:21

I think he has a very nice standard of living for someone who doesn't appear to be able to afford it for himself.

And he's taking the piss to want more/better/bigger without intending to contribute to it.

partyatthepalace · 03/01/2021 17:21

If he can't contribute to a change and you are happy with what you have and can't comfortably afford to upsize then that's the end of it.

Think you just need to tell him that in black and white.

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 03/01/2021 18:05

Thanks for views, the consensus of stay put agrees with my gut view.

I will speak to an estate agent I assume to get views about a garage conversion and if it would posativly or negatively impact houses price. I admit I hadn't thought of the possible impact of a conversion on resale

OP posts:

EncoreExaxt4 · 03/01/2021 23:05

If you are already mortgage free & not married

Can you do a loft conversion
Or
A garden room/office

Pay into your private pension & savings

He knew how big your property was when he started your relationship

Protect your assets & your future

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 04/01/2021 07:24

Loft conversion is not possible due to layout and height of eves.
The garden room wouldn't be an option as the garden is Tiny at best, so would leave no real outside space for little one to play. plus we need a bedroom which a garden room woudnt assist with.

I have savings and a pension and will pay into these.

OP posts:

Irisheyesrsmiling · 04/01/2021 17:41

I'm glad you came here for advice. I think there are many red flags in your post @Pleaseaddcaffine. I think if you are going to make any plans including a renovation, he needs to contribute. Maybe he needs to get a better paid job or whatever it is, but you shouldn't be putting your money into something that benefits him and puts risk on you. Now if he said he's saved up 20k and wants to help extend the house you'd likely need to seek legal council too. To me there are too many things in your post that would make me seriously question getting into any financial relationship with him or making any changes you'd have to pay for. He is of course welcome to get a job, save a deposit and buy his own home.

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 04/01/2021 17:58

Thanks. If he did pay we would need a ring-fence agreement regarding repayment of the funds if we split. But to be frnak he wouldn't save or be able to do it.
I got advice when we moved in and have paperwork confirming he has no claim to home, as my sole asset but I'm responsible for all maintence to it. Which is fair as its not his property.
I have around 10k now in savings which I'm using to renovate the kitchen and garden. Then I'll save again to do garage if that works and doesn't impact the value.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 04/01/2021 19:08

No. No. No. No. NO.

very well put....

why would you give up your security?

if he wants a bigger house then he can purchase a bigger house - how big is his deposit? or is he perhaps thinking that your house will be the deposit?

what is it that he is bring to this partnership in the way of finances?

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 04/01/2021 19:14

He pays half bills so around 350pcm plus his own way ref car, phone, maintenance etc and food.
I don't subsidise him regarding everyday living expenses. I obviously don't charge rent as we're a couple

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 04/01/2021 19:16

I tend to save what my old mortgage cost. Eg the 600pcm I would ahve spent on a mortgage I put into savings plus 50pcm for away for my ds and 50pcm as emergency fund eg car repairs/boiler/roof etc

you'd be best of really looking at putting the £600 into a works pension, get advice on this of course but if you put into a works pension you'd could well be putting that in but it only costing you £500 - as you could save on income tax

but that will depend onion your full time or part time

it could be worth a lot more to you in 25 years time than now - usually you only have to tie into putting in extra for a year at a time and not the full £600 - but its losing money in savings as inflation is more than savings interest so your money is depreciating each month

ivykaty44 · 04/01/2021 19:18

I obviously don't charge rent as we're a couple

so has he saved that money to go towards a deposit?

you've save the mortgage money

has he saved the money he would have been paying in rent?

Original poster

Pleaseaddcaffine · 04/01/2021 19:29

I can't overpay my pension at work. I've looked but a private pension as a top up could be an option. Thank you that's really helpful advice and not so thing I'd looked into.

No he does not. I've asked. Says he can't afford it hence how I know he couldn't contribute to a mortgage.

OP posts:

Lindy2 · 04/01/2021 19:33

Thank you. Clear agreement on staying put!

Yes, stay put. Your house suits YOU fine. If it doesn't suit him then he needs to find a way to finance that, like an adult.

Zenithbear · 04/01/2021 19:43

I wouldn't even consider it myself.
You own outright the house you all live in, yet he wants you alone to get a mortgage so he can live in a bigger house with absolutely zero contribution?
How nice of him.

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